Wondered When It Would Happen

My Brother, (who really isn't) showed up at The Dive tonight. Haven't seen much of him lately, mostly because neither of us have been there much, but that's a different story. He proceeded to tell me that he'd heard some news that just blew him away because he never expected it.
Someone felt the need to tell him that our recently deceased friend was gay, and backed it up with old text messages. I think I know who did it, but I didn't ask because I feigned ignorance. I told my fake brother that I didn't know, and obviously it was something that B didn't want known or he would have heard it before now.
I did know, I'm one of the first people he told, but it's not  something he wanted people to know, and certainly not something he would want people talking or speculating about now, so it's not something I'll gossip about. And I guess that's what it boils down to. I never gave away his secret when he was alive, and I'm offended someone else would now. Dawned on me later those texts my brother got while we were playing darts were apparently from someone telling him I was lying, because suddenly he told me twice how much he loved me and what a good friend I was. I don't care if he knows I lied, what B and I talked about was between us, and I knew then as I know now, he didn't want me sharing it, and that's it.
And yeah, this gets put here because I can't even tell Annie about this one. She'd just stir up a whole new kettle of shit if I told her there was gossip.

Not Having Fun Anymore

It was a day. Took my bandaids off in the shower from the knocking half my forearm skin off yesterday. Bathroom looked like the scene from Psycho by the time I got to the sink and got another bandage on. And then another bandage over that.
Had a bad hair day becuase of all that drama, couldn't find my zippo, even came back in the house looking for it and no dice, so I went to work with Bics instead.
I'm tired of the whiner/hypochondriac (I've listened to everything every day, and it only changes if she has something new going on, and every few weeks, something new goes on.) The other one is ok, but she doesn't get that I'm covering for her when she wanders off on her mission from Gahd, and it's really not part of my job to do that.
I didn't get in trouble per se, but I did something wrong and was spoken to about it today. Not a big deal, except I'm emotional as hell for some reason and I haven't been like that in awhile so I'm scairt about it. Main thing about that was yes, I did screw up something, it's fixable, and got fixed immediately, but got talked to about other things that I've already fixed because someone told me to, so she didn't need to send him to tell me again. That pissed me off. She doesn't even work there, and she tells me to change things, I do because she works at a store that supposedly knows what they're doing.
Back to Not Having Fun Anymore.
I also hurt myself again because I'm stupid, but on top of that I hurt everyday because I'm too old for this shit. Tempted to apply to the office job that's open, but they didn't interview anyone we knew for the other one, so don't think I'd stand a chance. Need to start looking for a real job anyway since this one is no longer amusing. On the other hand, I'll get insurance next month so it's worth staying for. Tomorrow will be better. Cat and I are going to bed.

Sentimental Journey

Talking with The Assholes tonight, about someone else, who apparently has no sentiment whatsoever, was different.

I lost my 6 dollar ring one day.
Got home, noticed it was gone, and was willing to just write it up to oh well, it was 6 bucks. Then I missed it, and I bought it on a Christmas shopping trip with Mom, and I don't do those very often, and at the time she was in Chemo so I went back and hunted for that damned ring until I found it. With the help of the bartender, who knew none of the backstory, but she's a good person  so all good for the day.

I do have feelings for things, and memories associated with things. I don't understand people who don't. Some music reminds me of some people, either still here or not, and some actions make me smile because I learned that from someone who is no longer here, but I remember, so they kinda are.

Been a strange day.

Happity VD

It was a night, the faux parents threw darts and I beat them after Annie left because Whee. I dunno.
She and I couldn't beat them together so, I guess there is something there.

Lucy has gone off the deep end again. I don't know what to do about that because Lucy and I are done. She just keeps on with the crazy which is why we are done.

babycat just got in my lap and said fuck all that.

Besides the Fact I Don't Make Sense

I found a couple of things I wrote, didn't post, but liked tonight. So there you go. I think Grannie and I are the only ones who still read, so not a problem. Sometimes I surprise myself by actually having something worth saying. Cat has taken away my left arm, btw. He wanted a chin rest, so this typing is a bit slow. Guess I'll give up and go to bed.

Scary How Much My Bullshit Skills Have Grown

Annie is concerned about changing positions and asked me for my opinion. I surprised myself with all the keywords I know for saying " I don't fucking like this and would rather not, thank you very fucking much, but I need the job so just don't fuck me over too bad in the process."

I'm still happily being a peon, in retail, and those are words I never thought I'd utter either, but it is what it is.

Mr. Asshole told me tonight he had never seen anyone more miserable in their job than I was at the old one. I didn't realize how miserable I was until that one was gone. He tells me I'm a much happier person now, WTF? He's not the most observant individual in the world, so I liked that he noticed when I didn't.

I'm now...........probably going to bed because I do have a job to go to in the morning, and I thank Dog everyday that I have one. Even on foggy, rainy, or snowy days, at least I have a job dammit. I was without one long enough to be appreciative.
Later kids.

I'm Still Here

I just haven't had much to say lately. The last post I wrote, I took away because it sounded like I was saying I was better than what I am, and I didn't like that, so poof.
I like the job, the money sucks, but the hours are good and at least I'll have insurance in a couple of months so I'm happy with that.
I reported for jury duty this morning, and had to practically undress to get through the scanner at the door. Just hand me my clothes on the other side please, geeeze.
That worked out, I managed to get excused since x number of people could go, and I was Madame X today. I'm sure the lady sitting next to me was glad because my stomach was making all kinds of ungodly noises because I needed to go. Thankfully I made it home for that so cat got a taste of how I feel when he visits the litterbox some nights.

I took a day off to go to Bill's funeral, and my stomach was shit for that too. He came by to say hello last night, I liked that. In other news, went to visitation for The Gnome's mother Saturday. I was housesitting when I got a message that she was coming home early because that had happened. It's kinda been a few weeks, months, something. Time has no meaning anymore, I work, sleep and start over. What drama has gone on lately (and oh, has there been some) I wasn't around for so I'm all good with that too. I guess I only write when I'm miserable, and lately I haven't been. Who knew?

Footnote for Grannie, the drunk the other night was a complete accident. I was tired and there were shots. It jumped on me before I realized, because that's another thing, I don't drink nearly as much these days.

Debating watching Dallas, since the last few Saturday re-runs have kinda got me hooked, or just going to bed since I do have to work tomorrow. That was the other thing, after getting out of JD, I didn't have to go in, so I wasn't sure what to do with myself today. At least my taxes got done and the cat got petted.

Shhhh

I've had several things to say lately, but apparently wasn't drunk enough to say it. I've been here off and on, and either written something I hid away, or just looked at the room and left again.
I guess it's easier for me to write when I'm miserable.

I'm working a menial job, but I like it. The money sucks, but it's better than unemployment bucks, and feeling like I'm actually doing something is way better than feeling like a complete failure.
I'm good right now.

Someone at the job is asking me "Did you apply for that other job? Did you take the management test? Did you...." I told her I'm happy being a peon right now and doing what I'm doing. She doesn't get it.

More money would  be nice, and Annie is asking about me applying to other jobs, but I have job for now, and even tho it's physical (and somedays almost killing me) I'm good with it. I'm virtually stress free.

Tired of Losing Friends

Got a text last week that a friend had an aneurysm burst. Turns out it was 2 and he's in NICU critical. Today they took him off the respirator because apparently he's as good as he's gonna get. That good is a twitching mess in a bed. We had that conversation multiple times because he took care of his grandfather when he got ill, and pretty much gave up his life to take care of his father when an accident caused him to become a paraplegic. I haven't been to see him because he hasn't been concious, and probably won't be again. He would understand and appreciate that. I'm sad because I love him deeply, but hope he goes, and does it quickly because I also know that's what he would want.
I've had a running commentary from him in my head all day, before I heard the latest news, I guess because I knew it was coming. Love you Bill. Godspeed to wherever you're going, I'll see you and buy you a drink when I get there.

Retail Hell?

I've never done this before. I've obviously led a sheltered life.
Even tho I'm in receiving, retail is my business, and I found myself shocked by that fact because I was just happily doing my job.  BWAHAAAAHAAA says the world, and Wal-Hell.

I've been seriously busy because I was receiving shit to stock the store, and now craziness times 2 because tomorrow is that day, and the day after is that other day, and I'm glad I didn't realize all this until now or I would have been totally freaking out before.

I've been doing it all backwards too, I was killing myself trying to get everything done because that's the way I always worked. This week I asked for help, I didn't get much of it, but some is better than nothing. I actually got to leave on time today because I said fuck it and got my stuff done and the rest is not my problem. Boss asked about the mess I'd left, was it good or not? Yes, it's good, I just couldn't do anything else with it. He got other people to do that, so I'm happy.
Think I'll go to sleep just because I can. Night kids.

I'm Officially Old

Work is kicking my ass. I like it, but damn, I'm tired. I'm ready for bed at 7:20 on a Saturday night, and will probably hit bed before too much longer.

So I wasn't really trained after that week, but I learned a lot, and I'm still learning which at least makes things interesting. I'm also a bit stupid it seems. I've seen this woman several times since I've been there, she knows my name, and yesterday she helped me out a lot so I got to leave at 5 something instead of midnight. Today I realized I know her because she throws darts at The Dive. Slow sometimes..

I'm either getting sick, or just severely tired, and I'm voting for tired because I think I will head to bed. Later.

Different World? Not really...

So far I'm still employed. It's a clusterfuck still, but getting slowly better. I left a mess Friday because it was my first day by myself and I was swamped, as was everyone else, since it was opening day. Today there were people in places I never wanted people to be, ever.
Bottom line is, I'll finally get actually trained instead of being told "Do this" and no follow up. Hopefully. I'm waiting to see what tomorrow holds.
One thing about it, never a dull moment, and the hours just fly by... and I'm pretty much bye-bye about 10 lol.
Speaking of which, I have sheep to feed before I crash. Later.

I Think I Was Unemployed Too Long

I'm having fun. I'm working, sweating, answering questions for people who should know what they're doing, but don't, and I'm loving the hell out of it.
Apparently I spent too many years at the other place, so something new makes me grateful and happy, and I'm all good with that. I'm actually pleasant to my co-workers, go figure.
The Squeaky Wheel still bothers me, but it won't be long until we'll be on different schedules and I won't have to deal with her much, so I'll be ok with that.
Besides her, I like everyone and they seem to like me so it's all good. It may be just a common enemy kind of thing, and as far as that goes, only one of the 4 will still be with me after the store opens, but we all have the same opinion. Not gonna bitch tonight. I'm tired as hell because I unloaded a bunch of stuff by myself today, and yesterday, because we got slammed, but I feel good. I'm a little sore and bruised,  but I finally feel confident that I know what I'm doing.
I think I'll be ok now. Fingers crossed this isn't premature LOL.

Something Completely Different by a Whole Lot

Starting with a job. I went to Orientation and was handed a work schedule. I walked into a clusterfuck because the person telling me how to do things had been there a week. This was last Wednesday. By Monday of this week, people are asking me how to do things. Fun and not.
I'm also a different person there, they see my name tag and call me by the wrong pronunciation of my given name, and I go by my nickname so I just go with the flow. I figure if I've gotta have a different personality to do this job, she might as well have a different name lol. I'm learning to answer to it.
I don't care anymore, it's a JOB.
It's also seriously worked on my alcohol tolerance so I'm pretty sure I'll lose the beer weight I've gained. I became accustomed to being skinny.

I'm off tomorrow so I'm kinda happy about that tonight. I spent so much time being depressed I FEEL like I'm a different person now, so I'm good. Funny how I relate to these people tho. Everyone reminds me of someone I know, or knew and that is fascinating to me, but it shouldn't be. People are the same no matter where you are or what you're doing, and some are better than others as far as if your morals and values match. The only person I don't really like (but am warming up to) looks and has the mannerisms of Ms. Fan so I don't like not liking her because of that. She's also the one that can fuck me up bigtime if she wants to. We shall see how that goes.

I'm off to play tonight and try to get some shit done tomorrow since I have to work again Friday. Thanks for the support that I didn't really acknowledge here. Granny was kicking my ass, but she wasn't the only one reading and I thank you for reading whether you gave a shit or not.
Later kids.

It's a Job!

Pending background and drug test, and I'm the cleanest person we know so. Wheeeeee!
I came home and told Cat he could stay, I can afford food now.

Yet Another Party and Suff

Went to a birthday party today for a lady I've known casually for several years. She's 87, so it's ok that she didn't really remember me. Her daughter-in-law threw it, and it's always a good time, so there ya go. I met people I wouldn't normally meet since they run in different circles, so that's all good.
Pertinent stuff is the job isn't a job anymore, I got a  "I'll call you" when I called back so I figure that's a pfffft. Good news is Babysis felt bad for me when I told her about that one, so her boss called a couple of people and I have 2 interviews this week that may be worthwhile. I kinda want to tank the first one, and probably will without trying because my people skills suck, and try really hard for the second one because it's something I could do and enjoy. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself.
Fingers crossed because if I don't find something soon I'll probably kill myself. I'm awake now instead of sleeping all the time and I think I preferred the other. Cat has been the only light in my life lately and I'm really tired of being the voice of doom.
Speaking of Cat, he's in my lap and needs petting, then I'm off to sleep so I can take the Gnome to lunch tomorrow. Later kids.

It's a Wednesday

Got a call because Lucy might not be there in time to get Gnome to lunch. Lucy showed up just in time, but I got roped into lunch anyway.  Apparently Lucy hasn't told her she can drive. And that's another story because I think Lucy has lost the rest of her mind so....

Had an interview today at what I think will be a fun job, not much money, but hell, it's a job. Will know Friday, and that's all I have to say about that.

Went shopping with Mrs. Asshole this afternoon, the Halloween store scared her, so it was all over after that. She did give me a pep talk, and yeah, I didn't really wanna hear it, but she's cooking some lasagna tomorrow and I'll be there for that.

Darts and beer later, I'm home. No wonder I didn't have anything interesting to tell the interviewer today. I throw darts and read.............I have a cat, that's pretty much it. Geeezeus I need a real life.

I Suck

Let's see, Gnome is recuperating. There has been a lot of babysitting involved because we don't want to have to babysit again anytime soon. I've been home for a couple of days and ecstatic about it because it feels like I haven't been here in a year.

There's lots of drinking and stupidity as usual, and guilt, can't forget that. I should be in Armpit doing stuff, but I'm not because I'm gnomesitting, drinking, or both so that's another something to talk about.

I believe I picked up a flea from the critter earlier too, suddenly my head is wonky. Think I'll go shower and go to bed because this ain't fun.

Yeah, I'm Slacking

Ms. Sweet got home (Gnome, I mean). Lucy and I have been babysitting. Lucy is with her tonight, I get the next couple. Cat is mad at me because I haven't been home much lately, and he and Annie have a hate, hate relationship it seems. She bitches about being scratched and bitten, but she invites it so there we go.
I'm off to smoke, and sleep, because I do too much of one and not enough of the other these days.
I'll catch up on everything else later, yeah right.

It's Only Tuesday?

The Gnome came through surgery fine. She was out of it when I left, and I should have stayed the night with her, but after a day of sitting and waiting I just wasn't really up for it. Her sister and friends were there when I left, and I'm also supposed to be dogsitting tonight, but Annie is babysitting Mrs. Asshole while he's out of town, so I'm home. I'll be back in the morning and all that jazz. Besides, Cat was mad I left him this morning so I had to come home to make up.
Hopefully I'll get some more stuff done at her house while she's incapacitated, which will make her happy when she comes home. A happy Gnome is always good.
I'm glad I didn't do the happy dance about the last job offer because I haven't heard anything else, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm defective in some way or something, but anyhow. I'm on doggy and Gnome duty for a little bit now anyway, so maybe that's a blessing in disguise, at least I'm available. She loves me, there were 2 cases of beer sitting in the garage when I got there this morning, she planned for me being there lol.
I suppose I should sleep, hell I know I should sleep, I'm a tired puppy. Later kids.