Hoecakes

Back in the day, people went out to hoe the fields, or pick the product of said fields. Sometimes their lunch consisted of a piece of fried bread they carried with them and it somehow got called a hoecake. (All according to my grandmother, and since it makes sense, I'll go with it.)
I had to explain that to Lucy tonight. Pretty much the highlight of my day.

Work is gonna kill me, I've been busier than a one-armed whore on Free hand job Friday.

Later kids.

Got to see my loverboy

Went to The Gnome's house yesterday and today to work on her computer. Terribly afraid I'd done something to fuck it up. Big Whew, it wasn't me. It's running at the moment.
Dog peed on my toes yesterday Awwww. I feel so special. I've still got it.

Work has gone ballistic and I probably won't be far behind. Putting out fires while trying to get ready to implement a whole new system NEXT MONTH is probably gonna kill me. Then I won't have to worry about the dog leash anymore. Looks like I'm going to be really busy for awhile. Might not be a bad thing, we'll see.

Going to read a bit more and put my ass in bed since I should probably be at work early tomorrow for the hell of it.
Later kids.

The One Where I Don't Know What To Say

I'm an idiot. We've probably already established that, but...
My Deepest, Darkest Secrets.....

Ok, maybe not deepest, darkest, but still a secret. I'm looking at the dog leash noose as an option. That's not a good thing.

People are telling me I'm upset about the thing with Annie because I'm still in love with her. I don't think so, but I can't convince them of that.

I sobered up and manned up to take care of her during a tough time in her life. I got betrayed before that, and again after that. I lost my friend, and will probably never get her back. It hurts. They don't understand that THAT'S what it's about.
I'll be your friend forever, no matter what. I don't get how people can throw away friendships, but she did. Over a piece of ass. I'm worth more than that.

I have to work since The Great Wizard wouldn't let me quit,but yes, I'll be looking for a new place to live and maybe that will help. I don't know anymore, there's where the leash comes in. I'll go to bed now. Night kids.

Annie is out of town

I like the house to myself. Slept in, went to work, hit The Dive for a bit and home again. Doing laundry and need to iron, but I really don't see it happening tonight. I was playing The Carpenters at The Dive to offset that bullshit The Princess plays so yeah. I've had a full day. Sleep, work tomorrow and then ironing. Sounds like a plan. I guess I should see if there's food. Dammit.

Deliverance

I gave Lucy the Cliff Notes version, I really think she shouldn't see that movie. She's a bit.........questionable when gore or stuff is involved.

And I'm really drunk. I think I'll take my ass to bed, or the floor, whichever happens first.

Oh, The Horror!

Yeah, don't think I'd want CTHULU inside me. Hefty price tags too. I'm not that much of a nerd.

Lucy's Jealous

The Pervert Boss noticed I'd lost weight today and told me how good I looked. Lucy is ready to put him and the dog from my housesitting gig in the pond in her woods.
I think Lucy needs some anger management. She just called me a Bitch too. See what I mean?

E-Mail From Dad

Part of it anyway...

found your glasses after I dug up sewer line, took up commode in main bath room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love you
Dad

Apparently they fell out of my pocket and got flushed. I think I might be in the dog house a little bit.

I have conceded

I was defeated by stupidity. Mine this time. I'm too tired to worry about this bullshit anymore.
Annie gets her way and I'll kill her in her sleep later.

Tonight on Dysfunctional Family Hour

Annie and I were supposed to go to a concert. She came home drunk and wanted to talk. Fine. I've been wanting to talk for months and it wasn't happening so we had an actual adult conversation. Shit got apologized for and that's about it. But at least that's something. We missed the concert, but 70 bucks wouldn't have paid for an hour of therapy these days so ok.
I have to get some class tomorrow, I thought it was later in the month, so must make sure I have clothes. Later kids.

My Wednesday

I was awake early which is probably a good thing since I got jumped before 6. Annie and I are not getting along very well lately.
Seems she's an Idiot and I'm an asshole.

I Polysomethinged the cabinets the other night in a fit of pique, and it wasn't pretty.

Ok, I was drunk off my ass, we were fighting and I slapped some shit up there.

Yep, not pretty.

That's fixable, I sanded when I got home to take care of it, I'll really put the stuff on sober and it'll be fine. She's just being a drama queen about it.

I still want to run away and join the circus........

The Great Wizard Has Spoken

or The Voice of Reason aka Dad. He said no, I can't run away and join the circus. Damn.
He's right, but I was really liking the idea. I ran away for a little while, then The Job beckoned and I had to run home. He says I can't lose that and I know he's right, I still want to run. I guess I'll get over it.
I'm home, that place I sleep anyway. It's getting time for that too. Later kids.

The Change

It's coming, more rapidly than anticipated. No, not that one...Well maybe that one too...
My life is about to undergo a major one because I can't keep doing what I'm doing. My health is obviously suffering since I've lost 30 lbs and not all of that was my appendix.
The weight loss is ok, but still. There are things that need fixing that won't be fixed because someone else is stupid so I've got to do something different.
I'm gonna run away for a few days and job shop and just enjoy running away. Hopefully things will work out, if they don't, I'll find other options. Since I technically don't own a computer things might be hit or miss. I'll check in when I can.
Later kids.

Ms. Sweet (Gnome2) Wins Again

The beads are from Alaska, Shamrock is obviously from Ireland. I've always worn bracelets of some sort. I gave up most of them for what she brings me, it works.
Lucy and I spent the day at Ms. Fan's pool with other people. They liked my burgers, it was good. Ms. Fan's mom is still here, I was afraid she had gone home, love that woman so I had to go see her anyway.

Watched "Drag Me To Hell" on Ms. Sweet's review of it. We'll have words with her later.
Lucy is gonna tell you I screamed like a girl. Ok, I did.

7 pounds

That'll give me the weight on my driver's license. And get me divorced, and probably in a program for eating disorders. Sigh.
Not sure if I care one way or the other.

It's been a tumultous month, or few. And a tumultous stomach for a few months, and a tumultous mind for forever.......yeah, I'm fucked.

Dog Diary

My Diary
Day 1 (Friday) That human who feeds me sometimes showed up. She brought stuff! Hid behind couch, she was sitting in my spot anyway. Got treat, ran into her outside, past my bedtime. Fell asleep on couch. She came in and went to Mom’s bed, I stalked her and slept on the corner of the bed to make sure she didn’t steal anything in the middle of the night.

Day 2 (Saturday) Must have dozed, she sleeps way later than Mom. Got up and got a treat, went outside with her, she has these straws that make smoke. Came in and showed her my spot on the couch, she took the other end and we watched the big box for awhile. She calls me by my real name, not that ugly one Mom uses. She might be ok.
Later….Another one showed up!!! Back behind the couch, this one is loud.
Gave up and sat on couch with 1st human, watching loud one warily. They both go out back door and use smoke straws. Get close to loud one and maybe she’s ok too. Let her give me treats and pettins.
Bedtime-Sleep next to 1st one to watch loud one, don’t know about her. See them sleeping back to back and climb the mountain to lock them down so they can’t steal our stuff.
Day 3 (Sunday) Wake up late again. Humans stupid, they go out back door and walk over to sit at table with their smoke straws. I go spend some time with the loud one. She’s ok. She gives me treats before they both leave.
Finally! Some alone time. 10 mins later, wonder where they are? Why aren’t they back yet? Ok, calm down, they left stuff….Door? YAY! I mean, oh, I guess they’re back, let me hide. Sleeping on 1st one isn’t bad, she’s cuddly. Loud one left. Didn’t sleep well, 1st human kept moving around all night.

Day 4 (Monday)Human left early, put on different fur. Gave me treats and pettins but was gone for a long time. Came home and I wanted to sleep in her lap, she locked me downstairs and went to bed till later. All good after she came back down. I got more treats and pettins. Then bed she’s still cuddly.

Day 5 (Tuesday) Human left early again in long fur. Stayed gone a long time again, then came home later than usual and dragged something out of Mom’s upstairs room. She gave me the wrong treat and combed different fur for awhile on that thing she brought down, I wasn’t happy. Finally bedtime again. I was taking her money thing out of her pocket to go get myself some right treats, but she caught me and put them up. I’ll get it later.
Day 6 (Wednesday) Human leaving late in some of Mom’s fur, not sure what to make of that. Came back later in day and put on long fur again and left. Not acting right, but still ok. We go out garage door and blow smoke straws now, she finally learned.
Day 7 (Thursday) Human left in long fur again, early. She gives me treats before she leaves so I’m ok with that, she hasn’t been giving me as many as she did tho. I’d like more. Have to eat dog food now. She came home late and sat outside talking into her hand for a long time. We went to bed early.

Day 8 (Friday) Human slept in, then ANOTHER one showed up. Human left with that one and was gone for a long time again. Strange man human brought her home and she smelled different, I think she went to the vet. He wanted to be friends but I don’t know about all that. My human is moving slow and moving me around in her lap. I’m protecting her from the man-human, I won’t let him get too close. Finally The Loud One shows back up and man-human leaves. 1st human now has pillow keeping me away, still sleep on her legs.
Day 9 (Saturday) Human and Loud One get up early, Loud One cooked and yelled about Mom’s stove, I got some toast. Human is still not right. We watch the big box a lot, I sit on her lap. We go outside a lot. Loud One takes her away for awhile but they come back
Day 10 (Sunday) Human and Loud One get up early again and cook. Human sits around with me on her lap as long as I’m still. She puts her legs up, I try to bite loud one for getting too close when she tries to put Human’s legs down. She leaves, I’m a good dog. Man-human shows up again, this time with ANOTHER one. Geeeze. She’s ok. Still not sure about the man-human, but my Human seems to like him. I sit in her lap and get pettins while watching the others. They leave and that first strange human comes back and takes her away again. I’m tired of a parade of humans, I’m ready for Mom to come home.
Day 11 (Monday) Loud One is still here. She takes human away. I get some rest. They come back, Loud One leaves again, I sit on 1st Human’s lap, she’s missed me. We go out to blow smoke straws a few times, she walks around. I think it’s time for more treats and pettins.
Day 12 (Tuesday) Both humans left. 1st human came back groomed, her head fur is shorter than mine now. Loud one left and 1st human and I sat on the couch and watched the big box. She left and when she came back I wore my heart on my sleeve, I peed on her toes.
Day 13 (Wednesday) Loud one didn’t stay last night, it was nice to sleep in the middle of the bed without Darth Vadar stalking me all night. 1st human got up and left, came home and we sat on the couch watching the big box all day. I liked that.
Day 14 (Thursday) I was cuddling with my human this morning when that thing started making noise. She talked into her hand for a while and then left. Loud one stayed with me, she let me have a bite of her sandwich, warming up to her. 1st human came back and they both left, I dozed on the couch until they came back. 1st human was wobbly and loud one was louder than usual, she kept telling 1st human “No” and “Sit”. I didn’t know they talked to each other like that. Finally bedtime, wobbly one is snoring already.
Day 15 (Friday) Loud human left early, didn’t give me a treat first. Will make her pay for that later. My human sat on couch with me watching big box most of the day, then left, came back and left again. I have her trained on treat giving, she’s a good human. Both came back later with a big box of round food. I got a bite. Sat outside for a long time with smoke straws, went to bed early. Going to shred loud human’s papers by the bed, she will learn to treat me.
Day 16 (Saturday) Made sure the humans got up early by bouncing around on them. Went outside with smoke straws for a while and loud one left. Still no treat and now she’s calling me a worse name than Mom does. My human moved stuff around and started packing up some of her fur. I hope she’s not leaving, Mom isn’t back yet.
Day 16 (Later) My human left and the loud one brought her home even more wobbly than she was the other night. I think the loud one is a bad influence.
Day 17 (Sunday) My human got up early and had a smoke straw while I went outside and then we went back to bed, it’s the first day she’s slept really late, was kind of nice. She and the loud one cleaned floors and packed up a lot of my human’s stuff and took it away! I was afraid she wasn’t coming back but she did. She wasn’t wobbly but kept dropping stuff, I stayed close in case she dropped food.
Day 18 (Monday) My human got up early, had a smoke straw and put on long fur and left. I didn’t know what to do. The loud one was still here, finally went back to bed with her. I barked at everything to let her know there was stuff going on. She got scared. She left and my human came home, put on short fur and we hung outside for awhile. I was glad to see her, we watched the big box some till Loud One came back. She dropped food on the floor so I cleaned it all up. My human left for awhile but came back again, I was tired of the loud one.
Day 19 (Tuesday) Humans overslept, I let them. I was curled up behind my human’s legs and it was comfy. They took all the stuff off the bed and put it in the machine downstairs and started putting away some of their things. I think they’re getting ready to leave me. My human said Mom will be home tomorrow. Mom will have to let my human come back to play with me, I’m not so sure about the loud one tho.

`

I have PMS and Dropsy

It really sucks. I left The Dive after I kicked Annie's ass and read a bit. Teared up when talking to a regular about her grandmother's demise, hate that. Cried all the way here. Not drunk, got home. Annie called, I dropped a beer on the floor. Shit. Got another, knocked it over, fucked up Ms. Sweet's computer at least for a bit, will take it apart tomorrow and make sure it's ok, but dammit. I'm a bit sad about leaving here actually. Little Shit and I have bonded, he looked sad when I took most of my clothes home today. I'll post his entire diary at some point, his Mom is gonna love that. She's in Dublin right now, Bitch, I'm jealous of that one.
Lucy is cooking so I should go see if she needs help. Later kids.

Bored

Ok, this sitting around shit has gotten old. I ran out of Scooby Doo movie so now I'm watching Mrs. Henderson Presents. Good movie but I've seen it several times, my love Judi is in it ya know. Lucy is out and about and I suppose I could call The Sitter or Annie and see what they're doing, but I think they may be getting tired of entertaining me lol. Ok, enough bitching for now. Here's my new haircut and my new best friend. I'll have to set up weekly play dates with his Mom once she gets home. I'm gonna miss him.

An Excerpt From The Dog's Diary

Day 14 (Thursday) I was cuddling with my human this morning when that thing started making noise. She talked into her hand for a while and then left. Loud one stayed with me, she let me have a bite of her sandwich, warming up to her. 1st human came back and they both left, I dozed on the couch until they came back. 1st human was wobbly and loud one was louder than usual, she kept telling 1st human “No” and “Sit”. I didn’t know they talked to each other like that. Finally bedtime, wobbly one is snoring already.

A Conversation

Lucy: So what did your Mom say?
Me: She was ranting about my Dr. Appt. "He wanted to see you Thursday, why are you not going till Friday?"
Lucy: Ok
Me: What? I'm taking care of business, she's treating me like I'm 12.
Lucy: Gives me a look.
Me: Just take me to the babysitter and shut up.

Lucy dropped me off at the babysitter....

After we saran wrapped my belly so I could actually have a shower. Shower = OMG GOOD. And she handed me the phone, in the shower, while I was naked, so I could talk to my Dad. We had a discussion about appropriate behavior after that.

Ms. Asshole was my babysitter today. Hubby being home was a bonus, but I only got put in timeout once so it was ok. She's the best babysitter ever, she bought me lunch and frozen custard, then we watched shitty tv and finally Mr. Asshole came home and suggested Star Trek (the newest movie which I hadn't seen) loved it. I'm going back tomorrow for that haircut I didn't manage to get today.

Annie kept texting me about work shit, finally told her to figure it out, sorry. Got to make an appt with Dr. tomorrow since he thinks he didn't fix me, according to the peanut gallery who was there while I was asleep. I'm thinking he did since I'm not hurting or sick anymore so we'll see where that goes.

Right now I've got Little Shit on my lap, watching TV and pretty ok with this. Oh yeah, The Dairy Queer chili cheese dog pretty much cleaned me out last night so one problem solved :)

Night kids.

Shit Happens, sometimes

Seems like forever. I'm not used to pain pills either so, woohoo! Even a little Darvocet will mess with me.

Holy Shit, I am skinny, even bloated. I guess Lucy has a point. If you still have retinas, sorry. I'm obviously still full of shit. It only hurts when I laugh. I think it's bedtime.