Updates are Available

Been quiet for awhile because I've been just not dealing. Lots of shit happened, Mom met car last week because I met her and family for dinner the week before in the Jeep, and he died in the parking lot. Had to get to reunion, so told her about car. She and Dad have had whatever words, I haven't seen him yet and she's been at the beach this weekend.

She's been to the Dr. a few times. Long story short, cancer may be back and in her bones because they're just breaking all on their own. Going to get biopsied soon, was waiting till vacay was over to deal with it.

I was waiting till vacay was over to deal with it too, so tomorrow starts a new worry cycle.

I'm home, hanging with Annie, her gimp was not the fake I thought, she has a fracture so there's ice and her attempting to be really good about staying off it when it suits her and I'm a bit bitter about everything right now so I think I'll stop and go do something else. I have to work tomorrow and it is beating the shit out of me lately.

I have A Dilemma

Mom is not well. I don't think Dad is doing all that good either, but he doesn't talk about it. And doesn't want me to know or talk about it, and hell, I"m drunk, so here we go.
Dad bought me a car, which Mom would be thrilled about, but he doesn't want her to know because she kind of egged him into it. I can't go see her in the new car she doesn't know about without causing a new shitstorm because she can't keep her mouth shut if she finds out and then he'll be pissed she found out, so I'm avoiding both parents right now which makes me a bad daughter and I hate that.
The Elephant isn't really the car, it's because he could, she can't, but she mentioned it to him on Facebook. I wish that thing had never come into being because it's wonderful and terrible at the same time.
This is why I keep this place. I can say shit here I can't anywhere else because other than Jackiesue, blog and facebook don't overlap.

The other thing is the whole Annie and The Assholes thing. She still goes over there, I don't. She invited me today, I said I didn't think I was invited or welcome, and her reply gave me the "It's all your fault" thing. So I guess that's done. And Annie is next if that's how she feels.

Part of that is someone I never see was at the bar this afternoon, and drunk, but wanted to talk to me because she saw that travesty of me calling them out on FB and had to give me her opinion on it, loudly. She was hurt that my friends would give up on me over something that stupid. So was I. But I gave up too, and actually, I feel better for it. I cried for a few days, but I wasn't wrong and feel no need to call and say "Sup?
Apparently they feel the same so. done. Gone Done Moved On.
Bedtime for Bonzo.

And Here We Go Again

Annie came home last night. I carried her crutches in the house because she's getting along just fine without them when she's not in public. Just shaking head and going on with that. She invited me to The Asshole's this afternoon, told her I didn't think I was welcome or invited, and yep, that's all my fault, I gave them no choice, blah , blah, blah. So I may be losing another one.
Not in the mood at all. Will be going to sleep real soon because I'm a tired bitch. Later.

Don't Know Why

Feeling down. Annie is still away, went to Dr. today and went back home with her Sis after visiting The Dive and The Asshole's house. Waiting for an MRI to see if she's ok, but seems to be so... She's stoned or something when we talk, I haven't talked to The Assholes, but assuming I am not welcome since nothing has been said. I'm not real sad about them, but dammit I miss the cat lol.
Also waiting for new job to open so I can apply and hope the hell I get there. Idiot wants to talk to me lately and I just really don't have any use for her. I'm too polite to be really rude, but I'm being as much as I can.
Just not liking things right now, and not liking me much right now even though I haven't done anything. Guess it's PMS even tho that never happens anymore. Think I need to sleep. Still have to get up in the morning .

There May Be A Light Coming

My favorite managers are leaving to open a new store. It's around the corner from my house. I'm applying as soon as it is possible to do so, and told them both I plan to. Hopefully it'll work out. Unless somebody makes up some bullshit, there's nothing against me transferring, and these guys will get me there if it's at all possible. They're 2 of the 3 that have actually shown appreciation that I do my job, so fingers crossed. Smaller place, do the same job(s) I do now since I'm technically a third of the back room, but can and have done all 3. I'd be happier without the other 2 anyway so...
Let you know in a couple of months.

Persona Non Grata

Apparently I did it this time.
The  "We can agree to disagree" really doesn't extend to me having an opinion. The wife has not only unfriended me, but left Facebook. Annie still goes over there, but not gonna ask because there's really no point. Our friendship was pretty much forced on me by her before they got married so it's not like I've lost a lot. They did, but don't know it. This is why their name has always been The Assholes. I didn't change it after we started getting along because , well, because. It's nice to know I was right about something because I was wrong about everything else I tried to tell them.
C'est la Vie.

I'm so Fucking Pissed about SCOTUS

Friends, so I thought, I swam in their pool, was about to have dinner, when news came on the DVR'ed Jeopardy we were gonna watch. He asked what went on today because they were talking about Hobby Lobby. I told him. He did a fist pump and yelled "YES". I said sorry, going home. We've always agreed to disagree, and he said that. I just told him yeah, but that was different. It's total bullshit. He's the friend who ordered the Vape for me too, so he's already been controlling me so I'm really, really pissed.

I never should have gone over there today anyway. I need to listen to myself more. I'll start tomorrow because I could have avoided that mess by just coming home in the first place.

Won't make that mistake again.

Smoking

I'm trying to stop. It's not easy or fun. I have a giant phallus to suck on, but it's not the same. I still have a cigarette, some days more than 1 or 12, but I'm doing really well actually. I only buy 2 packs every 3 or 4 days instead of every day. Since I told the store owner I was quitting he isn't ordering for me anymore so at last count I had 7 packs. It makes me nervous. I like smoking. Vaping is ok, but it's not the same.
I'm feeling pressured to quit since my last smoker friend quit. He's the one who ordered the phallus for me btw. I don't like being bullied, and that's how I'm feeling right now so I want to rebel and say "Hell NO", but I know it's good for me and all that. Days I have laid off smokes, I've been breathing better, so I'm gonna do it. Dammit, I'm gonna kick and scream, but I will.

Since I've Been Asked

No I haven't quit. I just don't have too much to say these days. Or, actually, I just don't say much of anything these days. I spend too much time away, where I drink way too much and by the time I get home, it's pretty much all over.

I spend most nights having dinner at The Asshole's house. Dinner means, a shitload of beer, at least a couple of shots of tequila, and whatever culinary dish she saw on the Food Network that day. Oh, and Jeopardy! Baby.

It's a new rut, and one I need to get out of because besides the fact that I drink way more, I'm gaining weight and I'm really happy skinny (er).

Going housesitting tomorrow so that'll help, but I still have to hang around here because Annie is always in Tn on weekends since her Dad died. Still a bunch of sad about that.
Anyway, off to probably sleep soon because I'm a tired puppy, I'm still too old for this shit.

Shocked and Sad

A friend who I don't see often, but a friend nonetheless, wound up in the Emergency Room over the weekend. Cryptic messages from other friends on facebook got the point across that he was beaten up.

Got the whole story today and I'm just appalled. He's a gay man. We all know that, I was afraid some asshole at a bar cleaned his clock because , well, just some asshole at a bar. I've never known him to have a boyfriend, but apparently he's been seeing someone pretty seriously lately so all good.

His brother beat the shit out of him because he brought boyfriend to a family outing. His brother, who knows. Apparently it was ok to know, but not to see.

As bad as it is to be me, I'm thankful my family has let me be me, and accepted whoever I was seeing. Hell, they became family, and still are, whether they're around or not. I can't imagine the hurt he must feel after this.

I'm Sad, and Tired

I think they kinda go together. The tired probably brought on the sad. I did go help Annie with the yard that weekend. This weekend,  I didn't leave the house unless I had to, so my Mom isn't happy. I just needed some down time. I sleep for shit, drink too much and still manage to work, and work my ass off while I'm there, so I dunno.
I need to change something because there's no joy in my life right now. I had it for a minute or 2 when I got the car, and now poof. I'm making an appointment with the Dr. just because I haven't visited one in quite awhile so maybe a blood test can tell me if there's something going on besides just me being crazy.
I'm really tired of this shit. So, now that we're all caught up, I'll go play games or something and go to bed. YAY!

So Here I Am

I've been away too long. I've missed this place. I can say whatever I want here, I can't really do that anywhere else these days because someone is sure to get their panties in a wad.
Annie is having a hard time with her Dad's death. Hell, I'm having a hard time with it, but our "friends" are all, "it's your birthday, come party and leave that all behind." They seem to forget her mom is home alone, and there's stuff to be done, and yes, I realize we are both probably a little too focused  on that right now, but it is what it is.
I also know I may call Annie in the morning and tell her I'm too tired to come help do stuff, but right now my plan is to get up and go help out so she can take her mom to something she enjoys.

So this day is ending for me because I am beat to hell. I've got to get some sleep. Our friends can fend for themselves. Lately I'm not liking them much anyway. Maybe it's just the situation, we've all been moody for one reason or another, but I'm tired of the bullshit.

Night kids.

Because I Can

I've gotten a couple of texts from Annie tonight, she's just now getting that yep, he's gone and things are different. It's kinda her first rodeo, she hasn't lost anyone close until now. I'm glad for her for that, but it's a whole different world too.
In the South at least it's like a Carnival. Someone dies and there are people, and food, and someone cleans your floors, and takes out your trash, and it's still, just people all the time. And you're gracious and thankful for those people just because it's what you do. And they're there because that's what they do. Then the funeral is over, the tents get packed up, and everyone goes home. You're in a house that used to have another person in it, wondering what the hell went on.
Make a pot of coffee and take a cup out to him because you forgot, want to say something, and they're not there. Look up at the chair he always sits in while you're in the garden, and he's not there.
It takes a minute, and the sad sets in. It takes a long time for that to go away, but eventually you learn, and you deal, and they're still missed, but it's not a heart stopping moment every time.

I hope the healing starts really soon for everyone.

Goodbye to a good man

I loved Annie's dad. Apparently it was reciprocated. Last year Annie told me he worried about sending me  an X-mess present, which was new, but sure as shit, he sent me a card and some money. Same thing this year. Think it's because I spent so much time up there while I was unemployed and we got to know each other a little better. (Ok, I wasn't in my "don't speak to me" shell anymore.) I've always thought a great deal of both of her parents, but him especially because he was quiet, and sometimes others don't get us.

He was laid to rest today, he will be missed greatly by a lot of people. I wish his family peace. And I'll be around since his wife said She, Annie and I are planting the garden this year, so if y'all need some 'maters I can probably hook you up :)

I'm Offensive

Offender, Offendiverodorous? I dunno. I made a crack about Zombie Jesus and ham.........Apparently that makes me persona non grata. Oh Well.
I have religious  friends, and Republican friends, and I'm able to look past that. Apparently they are sometimes not able to look past my I don't give a shit, so they'll cease to be friends.

Sad Day

A Husband, Father, and Friend left today. Annie's father has been sick for awhile. At least he's not suffering anymore because he did a lot of that recently.

I'm sad, but glad, and I hate both feelings right now.

Discord

I haven't heard a peep, but I'm pretty sure there was a major fight at The Asshole's house Sunday night. Annie seemed a bit put out she wasn't invited over there yesterday, I don't ask, so I was good with it. We went over for dinner tonight and  things were a bit tense to me. Annie doesn't notice anything, and I'm not saying anything to her because she's her. She'd ask, and I don't think things are good enough to talk about with us yet. I said thanks for dinner after we cleaned up the kitchen, and got the hell outta there because it seemed like a good idea.
If , and probably, there was a fight, I got brought into it because I took her to a bar while he was golfing. Her idea, but I was still complicit in her drunkenness, even tho she was trashed when I picked her up. And he was completely hammered when he got home, and I said "Hi' and took off because I knew there was a thunderhead looming. I feel bad because I do love them both. But yeah, the winds, they are a changing.

I think I'll be doing the home thing for a few days because I need to anyway. Also got a message earlier that something might be wrong with Dad, but of course he never tells me anything so I have to check in with him. And Mom, she had a Dr. visit today about her boobs, and I think I need to go to bed and hug my pussy since he's sleeping with me again. Maybe the world will right itself tomorrow.

Sun was Shining

I put a bunch of music on a usb disk and went for a drive. It was awesome. I love my car, it turns like the Jeep, and it zooms. 9 speakers were awesome while I was zooming around. Sun was shining, I was singing, it was a good day.

I haven't felt this good in a long time. I need to do this more often.

Poetic Justice

I've been actually friending some people from my old High School about a reunion I have no intention of going to, but it's been kinda fun to see what they're up to. I left said school when I was a Sophomore because of bullshit about me being gay. Ok, I ran away from home to be with my one true love. I was an idiot. On the other hand, if I hadn't gotten out, I might have tried to conform and be even more miserable than I am now lol.

That was the intro to the real story. I was on probation at that point in  my life because my mother couldn't/wouldn't get it, so shit was done and there I was. My probation officer was happily planning her wedding to the Macho Cop during this time. Bride magazines were all over her office when I went to see her.

I did my time, ran away for the last time for that love we won't speak of again and a few years later heard that probation officer came home one day to find Macho Cop Husband in bed with a Macho Cop he'd been working with. It was more funny to me because the night of my arrest that led to the bullshit, he was standing in the corner while she went through my shit, and I knew he wasn't really that Macho.

I was 16 when this happened so it did make my 19 yr old self laugh because she was a seriously homophobic bitch, I just didn't know the word for it back then.

Anyways, that's my story and I'm sticking to it, and putting my ass in the bed soon. I just needed to get that outta my system.

So it's not a Camaro

I wanted a Camaro, I drove one, liked it, but it was like the QE2 so I got over it.
I got small, and comfy, and OMG I love it. I zip, zoom and I'm gonna get great gas mileage when I get over blowing people off the road in it.

Ain't Gonna Believe This

Dad bought me a car. I can't tell facehell about that yet  because of Mom, but WOOHOO! I'll have a new car hopefully Monday. They had to go find my color, and manual tranny, and yeah I got some bells and whistles because I could. I can't stand myself right now. Hopefully I can afford to get the Jeep's engine rebuilt now since I have something to drive and I'll be in car heaven :)

Taxes

I did mine, sort of, tonight. The state wants half an arm. I don't get it. If I take any more money out of my check I won't be able to feed the cat. All my plans for that whopping 300 I'm getting back from federal just went out the window. Bastids. Time to sleep since I have to go back to the shitty job tomorrow.

I bitch, it sucks to be me, but I know it could be worse. At least I have a shitty job, because I was about ready to slit my wrists when I didn't have one. At least then I got a refund dammit.

LOL, so it goes.........now I really will go to bed.

I know Better

I went to The Assholes for lunch, it turned into dinner. I knew better, but still did it. I don't like them too much because they're always drunk. Me being there turns into me being drunk.
Babysis called, needed something, then threw the dog at me. Yes, the dog has lost a lot of her quality of life.
I love that dog, and it pained me to tell her yes, she should do it. I'm crying and playing Doom because it's too early for me to go to sleep. I think I'll go shoot a few more things and go to sleep anyway.

Music

I'm listening to Melissa Etheridge for some reason tonight. I used to belong to her fan club, followed her everywhere, I got over her at some point apparently. Guess I need to take that Brave and Crazy tag off my Jeep too, HA.
Annie came through and asked me if Melissa was touring, cuz we saw her a hundred times back in the day. I kinda blinked and told her "Dunno, I haven't kept up with her in a while."

One of those things that used to mean a lot to me, and I don't go there much anymore. I was all about music, listened to it constantly, found new artists I liked. I guess I got old. I don't do it anymore. The last person other than Adele that I've paid any attention to is Lissie, and she sounds a lot like a young Melissa Etheridge so that may be why.

Up and Down

I spent yesterday with a bunch of 7 yr olds because my mother decided Spawn should have a Xmess party. It wasn't horrible, the kids had a good time. Spawn and I played and had a good time last night and this morning, so it was a success. Babysis and I caught up a bit last night after Spawn finally settled, all in all,  a good weekend.
Went to see Dad after I left there today because it's been way too long and I'd gotten a couple of messages from him saying it's been way too long. We're just kinda hanging out watching bad westerns on tv when he tells me to start looking for a new vehicle, that's my Xmess present. I think I looked like a goldfish for a bit, then got over it. That was the Up.

I came home. It was downhill from there.

Not Giving A Shit

A comment earlier made me think. Apparently I haven't done much of that lately. Nope, I don't give shit about much lately. I work, I try to get thru my Monday to Friday, and then I'm done. I'm too old for this shit.
Or too young for this shit. I used to be passionate about music, I don't care anymore.
I used to be a lot of things I'm not anymore. Hellmart has sucked the life out of me.
I need to find my passion again.
After some sleep, lots of it. Some fool is having a Halloween party at noon because she has nothing better to do, and I have the perfect costume after I did think about it. I may pass on the whole mess. We'll see after some sleep. My weekends haven't been mine lately and I'm feeling the need for one where I can do what I want instead of what everyone else wants. We'll see how that goes.

Football!

Watched Spawn play today, he's good, they won. Annie went with, which was a bit surprising, but anyway. We went to the Assholes after, and everyone was there. It was loud, and mostly uncouth, and I sat in the corner playing on my phone most of the time because I'm really not a joiner, or participator with the person that never shuts up.
We did welcome a new girl to the group, she seems cool. I'm home and been fighting bed for an hour now, I think I'll give in.

Finally got someone on the phone

Mom is ok, according to the scan, so Yay! Talking to her makes me wonder, and like my idea of not going to the Dr.

So Here I Am Again

I'm worried. Mom had a freak out at her PET scan today, which freaked me out when I heard about it, and Babysis is convinced she has brain cancer, and yeah. I'm worried. I'm not home much anymore, but Mom tells me her balance is off and stuff, when I see her she's pretty much ok. Alright, not so much last week when we went to the pre ballgame stuff, she was leaning on Stepdad quite a bit. Another reason I'm worried. Nurse telling her to make sure someone goes with her to Oncologist Thursday to get the results of today's scan could be because she had a freak-out there and nurse is concerned about her, she's a very nice woman. Or it could be something. Babysis thinks it's something, I'm hoping not, but I'm still worried. It's like that. The worm keeps eating itself and I think I need to go to bed because I have to show up at work tomorrow whether I do anything or not.

I know, but I worry anyway, so light a candle Jackiesue. Love you too just in case I haven't told you lately.

Dammit, it's Sunday again.

Already dreading tomorrow. I think I'm gonna have to bow out of polite society for awhile because I just really hate everything right now.
Today the neighbors suddenly semi-cleaned out their dog pen and put a dog in it. These are the same people responsible for all the street cats I fed that ended up being picked up by the pound. Except for Buttplug. He's the only good thing that came out of that mess.
I did go home yesterday and see DeNephew escort his little friend across the football field, and that was cool. He's becoming such a little man. I threw football with him for a bit, bad idea, I hurt all over again so I guess I need to get some ice and put my ass in bed.

So Tired of the Bullshit

The girls are still not getting along, and my dumb ass said something to someone else yesterday, because he asked. Pretty much he told me to keep an eye on them, and things in general,  and I'm yeah ok.  I'm suddenly the Den Mother.
The only good part of that conversation was I'm doing a good job and he trusts me if I tell him something. He's Asset Protection so he obviously knows I'm not a thief now. DUH.

I said a couple of weeks ago I needed to quit hanging out with the people I was hanging out with, that's working well for reasons unknown to me. Annie said I scared Mrs. Asshole when I was so pissed off about work, but I don't think that's all of it. Annie is on my shit list too and we haven't talked too much lately so I think Mrs. Asshole may be scared of talking to me because she knows things I don't, that don't matter, but she doesn't know that. So yeah, Everything is fucking stupid right now, and I'm tired and should be in bed instead of doing this.

Happy Anniversary!

I was hired to Hell Mart 1 year ago today. OMG, I'm an idiot. Newest news on the kids, is I went off on them this morning, so they got pissed at me, but it didn't help anything in the long run, so fuck them.
I don't need friends, I just need someone to do their fucking job. This just means I'll do mine, they can do theirs, and ooops sorry, I can't help you anymore.

I'm off for the weekend, they have to deal with each other tomorrow.

Annie is my other WTF. I finally asked her tonight if she still had a job to go to since she's been so fucking lackadaisical about getting there, every fucking day this week after she was off Monday.

Sorry, just not having a good day/night/week/month right now.

I have a game, I should be playing that, but I'm doing this because Cat didn't know what to do with me when I was over there shooting shit. He's good with me sitting here.
I'm way too fucking nice.

I'm an Asshole

I called into work yesterday, for today, because I had a death in the family. That I did, but I didn't go to the funeral even tho I should have so I'm not happy with myself.
I hate liars, and I feel like one and it sucks.
Got a text from someone who was supposed to be there, that she wasn't, so FUCK some more.
I don't think she'll feel like shit, but I do. I did text the person who was left alone, and she forgave me, but still. Dammit.

Another of Those

Got a text from Dad telling me my uncle passed away, Dad is off on a trip, heading home. I was chicken shit and texted the cousin about my aunt in the hospital since I haven't heard anything from there lately, got a call back and she's doing better, but not well. She told me about Uncle too.
Thinking about calling Mom about the Uncle....she calls me to make sure I heard because Babysis heard it when she was in town. Gotta love small towns.

I think I'm gonna go play some games and go to bed, I was up way to early for a day off.

War Has Been Declared and I'm the Neutral Country

Apparently The Girls (Squeaky Wheel and New Kid) are bound and determined to not get along. Squeaky seems to be the main problem here, but I don't care since I have to deal with both of them and I'm not gonna put up with this shit for long. My biggest problem is Squeaky likes to run to management over every little thing, where I would just talk it out with the person I'm not happy with, but she's doing it the Hell Mart way and I've not been assimilated yet.
If things haven't settled by Monday, since they have to work together without me tomorrow, I'll fix things or get fired because I'm not dealing with their shit on top of hating my job. Oh wait, I might not hate my job so much if they would get their shit together so....

I need to sleep. I'm helping Mrs. Asshole cook tomorrow, meaning I'm cutting and chopping while she cooks which means I'll be seriously inebriated way early. Yes, driver is lined up so I can do that, and things will be ready for party Sunday at The Newlywed's house, where I also have a driver lined up. I'm on top of things like that. I can schedule my weekends, just not anything else lately.

Now off to sleep just because I can, and if Cat doesn't wake me up at the crack of dawn, it might be daylight when I wake up. Wheeeeeee!

Weird Ass Wednesday

I'm not sure where to start... There was usual stupidity, and then shit happened, and happened, and happened. I'm still trying to find out about the co-worker's husband who had heart problems Sunday and she hasn't been back to work yet. Nobody has talked to her because she's not answering her phone.
There was a massive OMG going on this morning which turned out to be a manager having seizures and being taken to the hospital, she was unconcious when they put her in the ambulance. Last I heard was she was stable and they were running tests, apparently they don't have a clue.
After all that co-worker that has been there with me from the start, the other half of my "We've gotta get some help because it's killing just 2 of us", informed me she had an interview about transferring to another place today and she's thinking about it. I don't blame her, hell I'm looking for a real job, and/or a transfer to somewhere closer to home if I can't find something else because the cost of gas and mileage on the Jeep are wearing on me and him.
Got a text about dinner with the Assholes, declined and went to The Dive. The new cook (new to me, old to the establishment) bought me a couple of books at the library sale the other day which just kinda blew me away. That niceness pretty much made up for a lot of the not nice I've seen lately. While there, got another text from Mrs. Asshole about a mishap with husband, truck, and light pole at their house and I should come over just because. Nothing was hurt except light pole and possibly wallet so that wasn't a major emergency, and I went. Had decent dinner, then got the hell outta there to come home because I really felt the need for some solitary confinement for a bit.
Annie is out of town so it's just me and the critters for a few days and I think I'll spend the rest of my week after work here instead of anywhere else just because.
Cat is still mad at me about a multitude of things, starting with being gone for most of a few weeks so I'm trying to make up, and I'm also just fucking tired. I think it'll be bedtime real soon.
So much for Humpday WOOHOO! I need to call and check on the Aunt also because I've apparently been dropped out of that loop, so yeah, I think it's time for bed. Night kids.

Sitting in the corner

Housesitting got finished, hung out with them Sunday since they got back late Saturday. Got a text from Dad, My aunt is in hospital, could I go check on her. I did, saw cousins I haven't seen in forever, chiefly her son, we've kept in touch this week. She's ok, but not. Still in ICU and I should have gone by after work today but I was in such a foul mood all day I couldn't stand myself so I couldn't even force nice onto my face. I didn't feel the need to inflict that on anyone else.

Talked to Mom for a long time last night after I called to give her the Aunt update, she's always been friends with the ex-inlaws which I think is great, so she was concerned also.

We talked a bit about the family that she had visiting 2 weeks ago, I didn't see the 2 cousins I kinda sorta remember, so I asked again about what happened to their mother since I didn't realize she was their mother, I just remember the son because he was close to my age.
I overheard something when I was young about her husband beating her to death and going to prison and the son going into foster care. I asked Mom about it years later and she told me I was wrong, she died of cancer. Last night we actually had that conversation again, I had the son's name wrong, and some of the details wrong. She was found badly beaten in a park in Illinois, where the family is from, and died from her injuries. Husband was in prison, but I still don't have all of that story, what I got is I don't think he's the one who killed her, and may not have been her husband that brought the son around that night I remember from way back when and we'll have to have another conversation about this because it's bugging the shit outta me. Might be part of my foul mood today.

Looks like I'll have another foul mood going on again tomorrow because besides that mess, Dad was supposed to visit his sister in the hospital Monday and didn't, and apparently has no plans to. I guess he sent me so he wouldn't have to talk to those people he doesn't have anything to do with anymore. A whole bunch of stupid.
Then I find out via facehell there is a family reunion on his side this weekend that I wasn't invited to, and it seems to be his cousins, not immediate family so I guess he's mad Mom caught up with hers. I think I just need to resign from the human race for a bit. These are the people who made me and I love them both dearly but I'm so pissed at Dad I can't stand it, and Mom....I dunno. She probably didn't mean to lie to me, but she did, and I'm not happy about that either.

Guess I'll go get some rest so I'll be all ready to throw shit again tomorrow. Being pissy takes a lot out of ya.

Totally Different Day

I met a bunch of women for lunch today. All older, and you know how I like Older women.
Mom's cousins, my cousins. Other than one, I've never seen any of them. Mom hadn't met one of them, and hadn't seen most of the others in over 40 years so it was pretty awesome. There was picture sharing, story sharing and I wish I'd been there yesterday for some more of it.
I had a great day. The end.

That Day

I've been trying to do something for hours, and it wouldn't work. Then I saw my last post. Scary I was that coherent when I have no memory of it whatsoever.
I've been wanting to bitch and whine, and I guess I got over it a bit. Not completely, but mostly.
I hate the people I hang out with right now. I need to quit hanging out with them, because I had a choice today and apparently I made the wrong one. I'll be over that tomorrow, but yeah, some days I don't want to deal with all their drama and stupidity.

I had my review at work (even tho it's not due for a bit, it's done) A month or so from now I'll get a pay raise. I'm middle of the road performance-wise too, just so you know. I don't feel so bad about not giving a shit anymore, wish I'd done it before I killed myself.

I can't apply for the other job because I flunked the management test and can't re-take it for 6 months to a year. I answered as me instead of the Devil, wasn't thinking.

I need to go see Dad, it's been way too long since I was pampered.

That's another thing, I pushed Lucy away to the point where I can't even call her to bitch. She was a good sounding board. Oh well. Live and learn.

Been That Week

I've been muttering to myself every morning, just one more day.... I finally got there. Squeaky Wheel is up to something. She had stuff pulled up on the computer about bereavement leave, I pointed out her husband's aunt wasn't included, she insisted it was, and she's not working so ok.
If she thinks she's getting paid and not, not my problem. New kid and I are doing ok. New kid scares me a bit, she's so insecure,  but she's ok. She's got the job down, and I mess with her, but she's ok. Obviously I like her. I'm not so sure about the other one anymore. I'm still looking for an out. I have the whole weekend to do that WHEEEEEEEEEE!

Someone else is moving and her job is coming open. I'm going to ask her Monday to recommend me for it because really? 2 pay grades above what I'm making with less bullshit. I want. I already know how to do it, I help there when I'm not busy. Doesn't happen much, but it has happened.

I don't get that either. I have keys, have to unload trucks, meet vendors, truckers, deal with people in general. She just rides herd on the employees so they get their shit out of the back room and puts up what has to stay in the back room. And makes much more bucks. I would have to give up my Weekend off though. I think I could deal with it.

Different

I talked to my Mom for awhile tonight. I haven't done that in too long. We caught up, and then talked about a lot of other shit, and family that she and I don't really know anymore.
We both miss my Paternal grandma, and my Aunt. Babysis has a different set of relatives, but I'm related to them too, so it was an evening.
I've been thinking about some of the same people we were talking about, so it was good to catch up.
I miss both my grandmother's, I knew one when I was really young, but remember her well. I spent summers, and winters with the other and miss her too. They each had their place in my my heart when I was young,  and one stuck around long enough to see me as a young woman. I wasn't yet an adult, I'm probably still not, but I enjoyed hanging out with her after I was able to drive, and converse in real language.
 I probably ate pig knuckles that day she insisted on cooking lunch for me, but damn they were good. I visited her a few times, besides the lunch, I took her a plant, she replied with a throw she had crocheted. And stories, and smiles.
I wish I had reminded her of the summers, and the winters, and how much they meant to me. Summer was creeks, and grapes, and wide open windows at night.
Winters were fudge by the fireplace, peanut brittle, and piling quilts onto the feather bed where I made my nest in the middle.
I wish kids today could know that.

I'm Too Old to Be Doing This Shit

So I was stuck in the middle of the shitstorm between the new employee and the other one. Apparently my esteemed co-worker took it upon herself to be a total ass to the new girl while I wasn't around, and a little bit while I WAS around, and then went to a manager saying a bunch of shit about her not being able to do the job. I heard most of this from the new chick because co-worker didn't say too much to me after I told her I thought the girl was doing ok.

So, they were both off Wednesday, I told new girl to enjoy her day off and breathe and we'd deal with things Thursday. I hung out with her, watched her do the job, she ignored the troublemaker, and I didn't have too much to say to her, but wasn't ugly about anything. I really don't want to get in a confrontation if I don't have to because it'll be not pleasant for anyone.
Apparently squeaky wheel got the message, I got there today and she had apologized to new girl for being an ass, and things were much more pleasant.

I'm off this weekend and squeaky wheel managed to do the same. We'll see what happens next week. Management was ready to jump into the fray after ass said something to them, but hopefully that has been put off for now anyway because even if I didn't like new chick? I still like having another body around so I don't have to do everything because squeaky wheel is a pain in my ass.
And yeah, I think squeaky wheel will be her permanent name because she is, all the time, if it's not one thing it's another, and you know what they say about squeaky wheels and grease. I'm just trying to hang on until end of September when I'll have some time I can take so if I get an interview or something, it won't kill me. It was fun for awhile, but it's no longer amusing and I hope it's just a rest stop on my highway to somewhere better. I got out of my old rut and learned a lot of new shit that will hopefully serve me well down the road.

Now the other shit that has me so mad I can't stand anyone. Speeding tickets. She missed the court date on the first one after she didn't pay it. Suspended license, new court date, paid money to make the warrant go away, I just told her to make sure she pays the second one before it comes up because I can't bail her out or make the house payment if she goes to jail and/or loses her job. I also don't want to cart her ass around while she has no license because she was stupid twice. I could understand if she did this shit drunk, because I've done a whole lot of stupid shit under the influence, but no. 6 am on the tickets, and just plain lackadaisy bullshit on missing the date and shit. Like the tires, she would have ranted at me 6 ways to Sunday if I had been the one to do that. Think it's time for me to go do something else for awhile and get some sleep. At least ticket whore is staying somewhere else tonight.

Here We Go Again

Yep, there was much whining, since I was only there for it Tuesday I told her to zip it. She had a day, I had 2 weeks. Everyone else told me how ugly it was Monday, and I said Oh Well. She was off  yesterday and today was a whole different level of it. She got help from somewhere else because mgmt was upset. Really?
I'm looking hard for something else because my idea of being in the background, not having to deal with people, something I could deal with, isn't gonna last. I refuse to be that whiny ass to get some help and I'll probably end up in trouble for it in the end. THEIR LOSS.
I do my job, her job, and someone else's job most of the time. I didn't have time for all that today because MY job got slammed. I still got to do someone else's because they never showed up after they were called. When I get in trouble, I'll be sure to tell them that along with the Fuck You I'm sitting on.
I think there may be a "Rain quit" party tomorrow unless there's some serious ass kissing to me going on. I know I need a job, but this one has pushed me to limits it took the other one over a decade to get me to. I don't have that much patience anymore.

BWAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA

Cough, cough. So I got my 2 days off, schedule all fixed so I won't be an exception, even though I AM exceptional. Got texts from that co-worker this afternoon asking about things, never told her I'm off Monday because I'm actually afraid she'll call in if she knows it. Spiteful? Yes I am a bit. I've been beat to hell worse than usual lately and I'm really not happy about it, and I know all I'm gonna hear from her is whining when she gets back, and I'll probably nip that in the bud pretty quickly too because I really don't care, and I don't like her all that much anyway.
Anyway, I know my stuff won't get done Monday, partly because she won't have time for all of it, but mostly spite on her part, and I don't give a damn. I'll catch it up Tuesday which means "Darn, I won't have time to help her any." Yep, I've pretty much declared war. She's talking about transferring (when it suits her to talk about it), and I hate to tell her, she's expendable. So am I for that matter, but my replacement won't do half the shit I do so there.
Yes, I'm looking. Will do a lot more of it while I'm off, sitting in front of the computer in my boxers with pussy in my lap too. Now I'm off to play for a bit and put my tired ass in the bed, where I can stay until whenever tomorrow :) Night.

And Yet Again

One more day of going in way early. I can do this. Schedule is screwed to hell and I'll probably end up in trouble before it's all over since I can't get anyone to change anything, all I have is 1 e-mail and a verbal about my hours for the next few days. Also don't give a damn. I'm being used and abused because I'm awesome, and it would probably be a favor to me if they let me go over something stupid. It's not like I'm stealing or anything, I'm disgustingly honest. Anyway, at least I've made a few possible connections I need to be looking into, but most of those involve me being up early and pleasant every day, to some unpleasant people from what I hear. Seems everyone likes seeing me because even on a bad day, I'm not a total bitch. I'm slacking.
Anyways, playing a bit longer and putting ass in bed so I can get through tomorrow. Then at least 1 day off, I'm gonna try for 2 so that bitch that went on vacay can have a day by herself and see how she likes it.
Later.

A Day Off

Had to cover for that bitch yesterday so I went to work at 5 a...m... I wasn't happy about it at all, but I did, got shit done, got out and looked forward to a day off. I didn't manage to stay up late enough to watch one of my favorite movies, but I've seen it a dozen times so still all good. Slept in, chilled around the house, finally got dressed and went to float in my boat at The Asshole's house. Sat around, smoked a cigarette, went inside to change into swimming togs and came back out to a thunderhead looming.
I never did get wet. Finally gave up, changed back into me clothes and came home because I'd had a couple of shots and a couple of beers, and pretty much done after that.
Cooked some taters since I needed carbs because all I ate there was a couple of fried pickles and french fries. Dinner wasn't happening for a long time, and I can't hang like that anymore.
I'm fighting sleep now because I want to sleep all night. I haven't done that in several nights and it sucks. I only have to do my duty for 2 days, and another day off! Then everything is stupid all over again, but whatever. I think I'll smoke and play for another minute and go to bed anyway. I'm still tired, and my work neice may be getting fired since she called in yesterday, dammit. That hurts me too, she's a good kid, but anyways. Later.

Can't Bitch on Facehell

I can, but I friended a manager from work because she was leaving, and she's apparently not so much now, and I don't like to unfriend people who actually laugh at my insanity.
Most things i can't put there anyway because Annie reads it, and everyone else so. Back to the point, if I ever had one.
Work. That co-worker went on vacation. I'm mad at her for taking it, mad at management for letting her, and mad for the person who was sent to cover for her because she and I are both going above and beyond here. The cover did this for a few days a couple of months ago, she's lost. I ran from 7 to 12 today because I had to. I only stopped then because we both took lunch because she was past due and I said fuck it. I ran again from 1 to 4 because she left at 2 and there was still lots of shit to be done.
I only did some of that shit because I'm nice and didn't want the cover to walk into all that mess at 5 tomorrow.
I've got to get out of here, they'll let me run the whole fucking store while they sit on their asses, because I can.
I spent too many years in the same place. I talk to women my age and older, and they all bitch about the younguns, they don't come to work, or don't do anything when they do show up, Not true on all fronts, but yeah, there's a whole lot of it. I know which younguns I want on my Zombie Apocalypse team, and which ones will be feed. I'm tired, my old ass can't keep doing this. I'm exhausted and not sleeping well, and yeah, beer should help me sleep well, but it isn't working lately.
One of my kids ( I have a Neice and Nephew at work, they call me Auntie) mentioned leaving yesterday and I teared up. I don't do that shit. But I've been doing a lot of it today too, and I'm  pretty sure it's just because I'm tired. Gonna go shower because it's hotter than Hades around here and I sweat and get dusty, nasty at work and hope I will sleep until the alarm goes off. Later.

Another Day.........Another Dumbass

I had a headache all day, my stomach wasn't happy, and I was pissed at my whiney ass co-worker so it wasn't fun. It got even better :) Annie and I threw some darts and her dumb ass hit a curb on the way home and punctured 2 perfectly good tires because she can't keep her foot out of the engine these days. At least she was close to home and didn't kill anyone in the process, but really?
She's already got 2 speeding tickets that I don't ask about, but I know we're broke so I'm just trying to conserve my money because I can't do much else.
Headache is back and tomorrow is probably not going to be pretty either. Already told her she's on her own with ride arrangements because I have to work no matter what. I'm pissed, but......can't do anything about it. Thing is, if it was the other way around she would be all over me right now, bitching me out. Yeah, I need to do something else, far away from here all the way around.

WOOHOO

I had a line of people waiting for me this morning because I had to cover for someone else. Busted my ass to do my job and made damn sure it was done.
I was scheduled to work tomorrow, for no apparent reason. Yes, double time, but it wouldn't be worth it to me. I asked, and I received. I'm now the proud owner of a day off. Annie is trying her best to ruin it for me, but dammit I will persevere. I will chill on the couch with Cat all day if that's what I want. I may go to the Asshole's to swim, but it's doubtful, and I might cook a hotdog on the grill at home to commemorate the occasion, but mostly I'll just not have to deal with anyone I don't want to. I think that will be the best  thing for everyone.
Yay, utility company is here to take care of that pesky limb so maybe Annie will quit freaking out and leave me alone now.
I feel another WOOHOO coming on.

Now I'm Rude

I probably was. Dinner wasn't gonna happen till about now, I wasn't hungry anyway and my hostess was inebriated already. I winked at Annie and came home because work had already kicked my ass, I wasn't the least bit hungry, and the shot of tequila didn't do my any favors so I wanted to get home before there was risk of bodily injury to anyone on the road.
I got texts from the hostess and her husband, which I replied to and apologized . Then I get some from Annie, so I had to call her and get a whole bunch of shit.
I'm sorry, she asks me if I'm looking for another job, after she didn't want me to take one a few weeks ago. So I told her it's none of her fucking business as long as I'm paying my way.
I really just don't care, I will apologize in a phone call tomorrow to my hostess since she's the one really upset, and you know what? Fuck the rest. I'm going to bed.

Could be a Felon

I broke and entered accidentally today. Ok, I entered, I didn't break. I was invited to swim, she didn't answer phone, I showed up. Her car there, door unlocked, I always just walk in. Today I was doing that with sunglasses on and shit in my hands when I hear a beep-beep-beep and go "OH SHIT." Alarm code is in my wallet somewhere, aforementioned sunglasses still in place and I can't see without reading glasses so WHEEEE.
I managed, and had a few minutes of bliss before everyone else showed up. It was nice to just float for a bit. I may try it again soon while they're gone.

I'm A Wuss.

Who knew? I"m being abused , and I'm letting them, and I shouldn't be. Hmmm, maybe because I was raised to work for a living. I should talk more with the people around me who are calling out because they got an ouchie, or work interfered with their going out. Or OMG, they had to work and they're tired. I can barely move these days, and I'm still going, and it's stupid. I shouldn't have to do this. I need to take a new inventory because I shouldn't be this.

Yep, just meZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
I'm not sure where all those z's came from, but they can stay  because that's where I'm headed.
I'm in a whole lot of hell right now. Job hates me, Annie is telling me old job went belly up, which I want to  celebrate, but not. I need to get out of the new one because it's killing me, but dammit it's a job. I need a day or two to hang out with Dad, I haven't had that in while.

Going to bed/

It's Me Again

I need to find a new job, but I'm too tired. I had a meltdown last night, and almost walked out today, and the meltdown happens occasionally the walking out thing? Not so much.
Annie wants me to help her paint a house, but I hurt, and I'm tired, and it's all because I'm too fucking old for the job I'm doing. Or as other people tell me, I'm doing too much at the job I'm doing and I shouldn't be doing it. I guess I need to tell them to kiss my ass because I don't have to do it, but I'm not sure how, other than walking out or using those words. I'm going to bed  because tomorrow is going to suck again, and maybe report that head injury I suffered today as a reason for my sudden onset of Tourette's that I'm sure I'll begin suffering from.

Saturday, All Alone

Other than an early morning text that pertained to Annie more than me, I was having a decent day. Watched The Color Purple for the 100th time, love that movie. Hung around unshowered and braless until...........
I went out back to smoke because there was a birthday party going on across the street so I decided not to smoke on the stoop and scare the kids.
I found a dead rat last night when I went out to water the garden, today I found a small mocking bird and a kitten. I don't know if the kitten killed the others, but I know the dogs killed the kitten and it just ruined my fucking day. I don't have a problem throwing a rat and a bird in the trash, but I had to bury the kitten, which pretty much finished off my shoulder as far as I'm sore as shit, and it hurt my heart. It was probably a distant cousin of Cat which makes it even worse. Back to that PMS I have that isn't going anywhere because it's been about a year since the M part was here.

Rambling again, kitten bothered me. Told it I was sorry, but dogs are dogs and it was in their yard. What really pisses me off is it happened while I was home today, no barking, no nothing. I don't like them much anyway so they're lucky I only hit them with a glove because I really wanted to use the shovel.
Anyway, off to bed with some ice soon because I hurt all over again and need to buck up since I have to work 6 days this week in addition to helping Annie do some painting at the Gnome's. My body is never gonna be the same.

Had a Bad Day

Insert music here. I'm too tired to find it and I'm pretty sure you don't want a song clip anyway, so there we go.
Spilled soda in my lap on my way to work because I haven't been to the store lately. I was having a go cup instead of a trusty can because I'm cheap, and there's nothing wrong with that until you arrive at work in  brown pants with a wet crotch.
I promptly got pissed off once I walked in because yet again, things not done. I dropped a pallet on my foot, and thankfully it wasn't a wooden one, or I would have been here way earlier with a cast on said foot.
Pretty much like that all day. I keep telling myself I have a job. Some days I love it, but days like this, not so much.
I knew better than to go to The Asshole's house, but did anyway since I was invited and most of the time I'm not rude. Hung out for a bit and came home before dinner was done because they were bickering, Annie is useless and I wasn't hungry.
Annie came in the door telling me "even I could do her job" so maybe I should polish up the reume' and look for something else since I'm so beat up these days. Apparently I was dinner conversation.
I"m whining again, I know. I've thought about it. I'd rather be beaten up right now than go back to a high stress job. Mom gave me shit about my profile pic on facehell, but the funny thing is I do look younger now than I did 3 years ago. I took that at the old job when I was stressed out all the time. Even a bad day here is better than what I was back then, so I'm good with that for now.
I don't plan to make this my life, but I do have more good days than bad. So far. Hopefully this week is an abberation and it won't continue. I'm still babystepping back into the real world,  I'm also apparently hormonal because I've cried about something off and on all day and that just pisses me off too, so there we go.
I need to shower and put my ass in bed. I stink because yep, I sweat, and it's hot as hell where I am, and I haven't looked at my foot yet to see if it's "kiss it and make it better" worthy or not. I know it's not broken, but it's sore.
I think I've rambled enough, I'm gonna take that shower and put my ass in the bed.

I'm Really That Old?

Yep, I circled the sun another time today. Wasn't a big deal. I'm still here, so that's a good thing.
I don't visit this place very often anymore, mainly because I'm tired all the time, and quite possibly because I don't drink so much anymore because I'm tired all the time. I seem to have sense enough to shut up and go to bed most nights these days. I guess that's some of the wisdom that comes with age? HA. Something like that anyway.
I seem to be a new person these days too, it's scary. I'm quite popular at the job, someone told me a couple of weeks ago she was concerned about me, I didn't seem as upbeat as usual......I was having a bad beat to hell day so I told her I'd just been tired, but thanks for the concern. I make sure I smile at her every time I see her now.
I did take yesterday off because last week beat me up and the trip to KY was a whirlwind of drive up, party, come home, so I called in exhausted. Felt much better today thanks to that. I'm still too old to be slinging boxes around, but hell, it's a paycheck, and most days I like it, so I'm good.
I got shitloads of Happy Birthdays today, which made me feel good, some I actually cared about (Jackiesue) some I know were just because Facehell told them to. For the most part, they were from people I actually care about whether I've met them or not, so YAY.
I ended up at friends tonight instead of where I intended to go, and she cooked oysters (which I hate), chicken, was good, canned asparagus (not a fave), stovetop stuffing, again, and strawberry stuff in pastry with fresh whipped cream. I would have preferred apple, but it was good.
The fact that she cooked for me made it special, and I love her and the big ape she's married to so it was good.
Looks like time to go play a game for a minute and put my ass in bed. Night kids.

It Was a Day, in a Week of Days

Let's see, Fedex guy asked me sometime this week how I wound up doing this, told him I needed a job, they offered, and here I am.
I got a talking to  because my 30 minute lunch was only 28 because I can't remember what time I left, and I'm supposed to take an hour, but I was having a day so there we go.
It's been kinda like that. There are lots of rules, and I try to follow them, but still get in trouble when other people don't follow them so it's been a week.
I'm tired, but at least I'm not stressed. I don't care that much. At least as long as I have a job, I can move on if I need to, and right now I'm good because I'll get insurance next week so yay!
I can go get poked and prodded if the need arises, and it hasn't in a long time so it's just money I'm pissing away, but anyway. I need to throw some ice on my shoulders and sleep. Later kids.

It's Another One of Those

Got paid today, WOOHOO! It's not much, but I work for it dammit. And I dunno.
Annie got paid Tuesday, and she's broke. Part of that is because she pays the real bills around here, and part of it is I don't know what and pretty sure I don't want to know, so there we go.

I'll be looking for another job, either a part timer to help with this one, or a real money one, and who am I kidding? I'm getting insurance next week, I'll stick with this one until they get tired of me. That may happen before I'm ready for it too since I've gotten the "cover your ass" speech twice, once implied, and the other implicit. I had to go look to make sure I used the right word there too, and yes, I did. I'm still good, I just have no self-confidence anymore. Working on that too.

Cat was a good boy today, he finally caught that fly, and he's been My boy since I walked in the door, so I guess I should go enjoy my lap time with him. He comes to bed with me, but leaves in the middle of the night. At least he leaves his toy to guard me when he's not there. I'm pretty sure that scrawny kitten is the best investment I ever made.

Regrets, but not Mine

I had an e-mail from my Mother this morning, apologizing for not being a better one. It was long, and detailed, and I sat on it all day because I wasn't sure what to do with it.
I finally, after many beers, responded, and I think I could have done it better, but I did what I could.

She sees thing this way, I see things that way, and as much alike as we are, we don't see the same things. I see the woman who was widowed way early, and it should have been earlier because he was an Ass of the first degree, but I woudn't have sisters if that hadn't happened. That woman worked several jobs to keep us fed and clothed. She's the strongest person I know because she had a shitty life, and turned it into a good life for her daughters.

I'm not what she wanted me to be, but I think I'm a decent person. Middle Sis was the most like Mom, and the least like her at the same time. Mom survived her death, my being different, and Babysis being, well, the Baby Hellion. She mourns, but she loves, and she does it all with grace and dignity, and I told her she has nothing to aplogize to me for.  I wouldn't be me without the hard times and the good times, and her.
I think she did OK.

Wondered When It Would Happen

My Brother, (who really isn't) showed up at The Dive tonight. Haven't seen much of him lately, mostly because neither of us have been there much, but that's a different story. He proceeded to tell me that he'd heard some news that just blew him away because he never expected it.
Someone felt the need to tell him that our recently deceased friend was gay, and backed it up with old text messages. I think I know who did it, but I didn't ask because I feigned ignorance. I told my fake brother that I didn't know, and obviously it was something that B didn't want known or he would have heard it before now.
I did know, I'm one of the first people he told, but it's not  something he wanted people to know, and certainly not something he would want people talking or speculating about now, so it's not something I'll gossip about. And I guess that's what it boils down to. I never gave away his secret when he was alive, and I'm offended someone else would now. Dawned on me later those texts my brother got while we were playing darts were apparently from someone telling him I was lying, because suddenly he told me twice how much he loved me and what a good friend I was. I don't care if he knows I lied, what B and I talked about was between us, and I knew then as I know now, he didn't want me sharing it, and that's it.
And yeah, this gets put here because I can't even tell Annie about this one. She'd just stir up a whole new kettle of shit if I told her there was gossip.

Not Having Fun Anymore

It was a day. Took my bandaids off in the shower from the knocking half my forearm skin off yesterday. Bathroom looked like the scene from Psycho by the time I got to the sink and got another bandage on. And then another bandage over that.
Had a bad hair day becuase of all that drama, couldn't find my zippo, even came back in the house looking for it and no dice, so I went to work with Bics instead.
I'm tired of the whiner/hypochondriac (I've listened to everything every day, and it only changes if she has something new going on, and every few weeks, something new goes on.) The other one is ok, but she doesn't get that I'm covering for her when she wanders off on her mission from Gahd, and it's really not part of my job to do that.
I didn't get in trouble per se, but I did something wrong and was spoken to about it today. Not a big deal, except I'm emotional as hell for some reason and I haven't been like that in awhile so I'm scairt about it. Main thing about that was yes, I did screw up something, it's fixable, and got fixed immediately, but got talked to about other things that I've already fixed because someone told me to, so she didn't need to send him to tell me again. That pissed me off. She doesn't even work there, and she tells me to change things, I do because she works at a store that supposedly knows what they're doing.
Back to Not Having Fun Anymore.
I also hurt myself again because I'm stupid, but on top of that I hurt everyday because I'm too old for this shit. Tempted to apply to the office job that's open, but they didn't interview anyone we knew for the other one, so don't think I'd stand a chance. Need to start looking for a real job anyway since this one is no longer amusing. On the other hand, I'll get insurance next month so it's worth staying for. Tomorrow will be better. Cat and I are going to bed.

Sentimental Journey

Talking with The Assholes tonight, about someone else, who apparently has no sentiment whatsoever, was different.

I lost my 6 dollar ring one day.
Got home, noticed it was gone, and was willing to just write it up to oh well, it was 6 bucks. Then I missed it, and I bought it on a Christmas shopping trip with Mom, and I don't do those very often, and at the time she was in Chemo so I went back and hunted for that damned ring until I found it. With the help of the bartender, who knew none of the backstory, but she's a good person  so all good for the day.

I do have feelings for things, and memories associated with things. I don't understand people who don't. Some music reminds me of some people, either still here or not, and some actions make me smile because I learned that from someone who is no longer here, but I remember, so they kinda are.

Been a strange day.

Happity VD

It was a night, the faux parents threw darts and I beat them after Annie left because Whee. I dunno.
She and I couldn't beat them together so, I guess there is something there.

Lucy has gone off the deep end again. I don't know what to do about that because Lucy and I are done. She just keeps on with the crazy which is why we are done.

babycat just got in my lap and said fuck all that.

Besides the Fact I Don't Make Sense

I found a couple of things I wrote, didn't post, but liked tonight. So there you go. I think Grannie and I are the only ones who still read, so not a problem. Sometimes I surprise myself by actually having something worth saying. Cat has taken away my left arm, btw. He wanted a chin rest, so this typing is a bit slow. Guess I'll give up and go to bed.

Scary How Much My Bullshit Skills Have Grown

Annie is concerned about changing positions and asked me for my opinion. I surprised myself with all the keywords I know for saying " I don't fucking like this and would rather not, thank you very fucking much, but I need the job so just don't fuck me over too bad in the process."

I'm still happily being a peon, in retail, and those are words I never thought I'd utter either, but it is what it is.

Mr. Asshole told me tonight he had never seen anyone more miserable in their job than I was at the old one. I didn't realize how miserable I was until that one was gone. He tells me I'm a much happier person now, WTF? He's not the most observant individual in the world, so I liked that he noticed when I didn't.

I'm now...........probably going to bed because I do have a job to go to in the morning, and I thank Dog everyday that I have one. Even on foggy, rainy, or snowy days, at least I have a job dammit. I was without one long enough to be appreciative.
Later kids.

I'm Still Here

I just haven't had much to say lately. The last post I wrote, I took away because it sounded like I was saying I was better than what I am, and I didn't like that, so poof.
I like the job, the money sucks, but the hours are good and at least I'll have insurance in a couple of months so I'm happy with that.
I reported for jury duty this morning, and had to practically undress to get through the scanner at the door. Just hand me my clothes on the other side please, geeeze.
That worked out, I managed to get excused since x number of people could go, and I was Madame X today. I'm sure the lady sitting next to me was glad because my stomach was making all kinds of ungodly noises because I needed to go. Thankfully I made it home for that so cat got a taste of how I feel when he visits the litterbox some nights.

I took a day off to go to Bill's funeral, and my stomach was shit for that too. He came by to say hello last night, I liked that. In other news, went to visitation for The Gnome's mother Saturday. I was housesitting when I got a message that she was coming home early because that had happened. It's kinda been a few weeks, months, something. Time has no meaning anymore, I work, sleep and start over. What drama has gone on lately (and oh, has there been some) I wasn't around for so I'm all good with that too. I guess I only write when I'm miserable, and lately I haven't been. Who knew?

Footnote for Grannie, the drunk the other night was a complete accident. I was tired and there were shots. It jumped on me before I realized, because that's another thing, I don't drink nearly as much these days.

Debating watching Dallas, since the last few Saturday re-runs have kinda got me hooked, or just going to bed since I do have to work tomorrow. That was the other thing, after getting out of JD, I didn't have to go in, so I wasn't sure what to do with myself today. At least my taxes got done and the cat got petted.

Shhhh

I've had several things to say lately, but apparently wasn't drunk enough to say it. I've been here off and on, and either written something I hid away, or just looked at the room and left again.
I guess it's easier for me to write when I'm miserable.

I'm working a menial job, but I like it. The money sucks, but it's better than unemployment bucks, and feeling like I'm actually doing something is way better than feeling like a complete failure.
I'm good right now.

Someone at the job is asking me "Did you apply for that other job? Did you take the management test? Did you...." I told her I'm happy being a peon right now and doing what I'm doing. She doesn't get it.

More money would  be nice, and Annie is asking about me applying to other jobs, but I have job for now, and even tho it's physical (and somedays almost killing me) I'm good with it. I'm virtually stress free.

Tired of Losing Friends

Got a text last week that a friend had an aneurysm burst. Turns out it was 2 and he's in NICU critical. Today they took him off the respirator because apparently he's as good as he's gonna get. That good is a twitching mess in a bed. We had that conversation multiple times because he took care of his grandfather when he got ill, and pretty much gave up his life to take care of his father when an accident caused him to become a paraplegic. I haven't been to see him because he hasn't been concious, and probably won't be again. He would understand and appreciate that. I'm sad because I love him deeply, but hope he goes, and does it quickly because I also know that's what he would want.
I've had a running commentary from him in my head all day, before I heard the latest news, I guess because I knew it was coming. Love you Bill. Godspeed to wherever you're going, I'll see you and buy you a drink when I get there.

Retail Hell?

I've never done this before. I've obviously led a sheltered life.
Even tho I'm in receiving, retail is my business, and I found myself shocked by that fact because I was just happily doing my job.  BWAHAAAAHAAA says the world, and Wal-Hell.

I've been seriously busy because I was receiving shit to stock the store, and now craziness times 2 because tomorrow is that day, and the day after is that other day, and I'm glad I didn't realize all this until now or I would have been totally freaking out before.

I've been doing it all backwards too, I was killing myself trying to get everything done because that's the way I always worked. This week I asked for help, I didn't get much of it, but some is better than nothing. I actually got to leave on time today because I said fuck it and got my stuff done and the rest is not my problem. Boss asked about the mess I'd left, was it good or not? Yes, it's good, I just couldn't do anything else with it. He got other people to do that, so I'm happy.
Think I'll go to sleep just because I can. Night kids.

I'm Officially Old

Work is kicking my ass. I like it, but damn, I'm tired. I'm ready for bed at 7:20 on a Saturday night, and will probably hit bed before too much longer.

So I wasn't really trained after that week, but I learned a lot, and I'm still learning which at least makes things interesting. I'm also a bit stupid it seems. I've seen this woman several times since I've been there, she knows my name, and yesterday she helped me out a lot so I got to leave at 5 something instead of midnight. Today I realized I know her because she throws darts at The Dive. Slow sometimes..

I'm either getting sick, or just severely tired, and I'm voting for tired because I think I will head to bed. Later.

Different World? Not really...

So far I'm still employed. It's a clusterfuck still, but getting slowly better. I left a mess Friday because it was my first day by myself and I was swamped, as was everyone else, since it was opening day. Today there were people in places I never wanted people to be, ever.
Bottom line is, I'll finally get actually trained instead of being told "Do this" and no follow up. Hopefully. I'm waiting to see what tomorrow holds.
One thing about it, never a dull moment, and the hours just fly by... and I'm pretty much bye-bye about 10 lol.
Speaking of which, I have sheep to feed before I crash. Later.

I Think I Was Unemployed Too Long

I'm having fun. I'm working, sweating, answering questions for people who should know what they're doing, but don't, and I'm loving the hell out of it.
Apparently I spent too many years at the other place, so something new makes me grateful and happy, and I'm all good with that. I'm actually pleasant to my co-workers, go figure.
The Squeaky Wheel still bothers me, but it won't be long until we'll be on different schedules and I won't have to deal with her much, so I'll be ok with that.
Besides her, I like everyone and they seem to like me so it's all good. It may be just a common enemy kind of thing, and as far as that goes, only one of the 4 will still be with me after the store opens, but we all have the same opinion. Not gonna bitch tonight. I'm tired as hell because I unloaded a bunch of stuff by myself today, and yesterday, because we got slammed, but I feel good. I'm a little sore and bruised,  but I finally feel confident that I know what I'm doing.
I think I'll be ok now. Fingers crossed this isn't premature LOL.

Something Completely Different by a Whole Lot

Starting with a job. I went to Orientation and was handed a work schedule. I walked into a clusterfuck because the person telling me how to do things had been there a week. This was last Wednesday. By Monday of this week, people are asking me how to do things. Fun and not.
I'm also a different person there, they see my name tag and call me by the wrong pronunciation of my given name, and I go by my nickname so I just go with the flow. I figure if I've gotta have a different personality to do this job, she might as well have a different name lol. I'm learning to answer to it.
I don't care anymore, it's a JOB.
It's also seriously worked on my alcohol tolerance so I'm pretty sure I'll lose the beer weight I've gained. I became accustomed to being skinny.

I'm off tomorrow so I'm kinda happy about that tonight. I spent so much time being depressed I FEEL like I'm a different person now, so I'm good. Funny how I relate to these people tho. Everyone reminds me of someone I know, or knew and that is fascinating to me, but it shouldn't be. People are the same no matter where you are or what you're doing, and some are better than others as far as if your morals and values match. The only person I don't really like (but am warming up to) looks and has the mannerisms of Ms. Fan so I don't like not liking her because of that. She's also the one that can fuck me up bigtime if she wants to. We shall see how that goes.

I'm off to play tonight and try to get some shit done tomorrow since I have to work again Friday. Thanks for the support that I didn't really acknowledge here. Granny was kicking my ass, but she wasn't the only one reading and I thank you for reading whether you gave a shit or not.
Later kids.

It's a Job!

Pending background and drug test, and I'm the cleanest person we know so. Wheeeeee!
I came home and told Cat he could stay, I can afford food now.

Yet Another Party and Suff

Went to a birthday party today for a lady I've known casually for several years. She's 87, so it's ok that she didn't really remember me. Her daughter-in-law threw it, and it's always a good time, so there ya go. I met people I wouldn't normally meet since they run in different circles, so that's all good.
Pertinent stuff is the job isn't a job anymore, I got a  "I'll call you" when I called back so I figure that's a pfffft. Good news is Babysis felt bad for me when I told her about that one, so her boss called a couple of people and I have 2 interviews this week that may be worthwhile. I kinda want to tank the first one, and probably will without trying because my people skills suck, and try really hard for the second one because it's something I could do and enjoy. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself.
Fingers crossed because if I don't find something soon I'll probably kill myself. I'm awake now instead of sleeping all the time and I think I preferred the other. Cat has been the only light in my life lately and I'm really tired of being the voice of doom.
Speaking of Cat, he's in my lap and needs petting, then I'm off to sleep so I can take the Gnome to lunch tomorrow. Later kids.

It's a Wednesday

Got a call because Lucy might not be there in time to get Gnome to lunch. Lucy showed up just in time, but I got roped into lunch anyway.  Apparently Lucy hasn't told her she can drive. And that's another story because I think Lucy has lost the rest of her mind so....

Had an interview today at what I think will be a fun job, not much money, but hell, it's a job. Will know Friday, and that's all I have to say about that.

Went shopping with Mrs. Asshole this afternoon, the Halloween store scared her, so it was all over after that. She did give me a pep talk, and yeah, I didn't really wanna hear it, but she's cooking some lasagna tomorrow and I'll be there for that.

Darts and beer later, I'm home. No wonder I didn't have anything interesting to tell the interviewer today. I throw darts and read.............I have a cat, that's pretty much it. Geeezeus I need a real life.

I Suck

Let's see, Gnome is recuperating. There has been a lot of babysitting involved because we don't want to have to babysit again anytime soon. I've been home for a couple of days and ecstatic about it because it feels like I haven't been here in a year.

There's lots of drinking and stupidity as usual, and guilt, can't forget that. I should be in Armpit doing stuff, but I'm not because I'm gnomesitting, drinking, or both so that's another something to talk about.

I believe I picked up a flea from the critter earlier too, suddenly my head is wonky. Think I'll go shower and go to bed because this ain't fun.

Yeah, I'm Slacking

Ms. Sweet got home (Gnome, I mean). Lucy and I have been babysitting. Lucy is with her tonight, I get the next couple. Cat is mad at me because I haven't been home much lately, and he and Annie have a hate, hate relationship it seems. She bitches about being scratched and bitten, but she invites it so there we go.
I'm off to smoke, and sleep, because I do too much of one and not enough of the other these days.
I'll catch up on everything else later, yeah right.

It's Only Tuesday?

The Gnome came through surgery fine. She was out of it when I left, and I should have stayed the night with her, but after a day of sitting and waiting I just wasn't really up for it. Her sister and friends were there when I left, and I'm also supposed to be dogsitting tonight, but Annie is babysitting Mrs. Asshole while he's out of town, so I'm home. I'll be back in the morning and all that jazz. Besides, Cat was mad I left him this morning so I had to come home to make up.
Hopefully I'll get some more stuff done at her house while she's incapacitated, which will make her happy when she comes home. A happy Gnome is always good.
I'm glad I didn't do the happy dance about the last job offer because I haven't heard anything else, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm defective in some way or something, but anyhow. I'm on doggy and Gnome duty for a little bit now anyway, so maybe that's a blessing in disguise, at least I'm available. She loves me, there were 2 cases of beer sitting in the garage when I got there this morning, she planned for me being there lol.
I suppose I should sleep, hell I know I should sleep, I'm a tired puppy. Later kids.

That Kinda Day

I just shuffled down the hall, forgetting that the dog has been dead for over a year. It happens occasionally, I tripped over him enough. Having a cat is different too since it's been so long since one was in the house. Annie really wants to be his friend, but he's not having it. He's all about me when he decides to like a human.

Got him in my lap and he's trying to eat my elbow, so I guess I shouldn't worry too much about that lump on his back. He slides under the bed to grab me, among other things, so hopefully he just bumped into something.

I need to go to sleep, I have to take a friend in for surgery tomorrow. Later kids.

Music

Funny, my horoscope mentioned music yesterday. Today I was looking for something for Annie and dragged out a few cd's I haven't listented to in awhile. Yes, I miss my music. I didn't realize how much until now.I play stuff at The Dive, but not what I usually listen to, and I haven't listened to anything at home in months. I guess I should start doing that again.

Jaded?

Applied for a job yesterday, several actually, but got a call from one today. I'm not doing the happy dance yet because the last few times I did, everything went to shit. I hope, because it's good money and at least a 6 month contract, but we shall see.I almost didn't hit it just because, so back to we shall see.

I was actually productive, still fighting with The Gnomes plumbing issues because I'm not happy with the job I did, ran off to Annie's parents house with her to do stuff in the garden, anybody need some green beans? Her mom always makes meatloaf when I'm showing up so supper was excellent as usual. I need to sleep, but not ready to yet, and I don't have a clue where I was going with this. I guess the ant farm last night was the last of my sense of humor for a bit.

My body is still trying to decide if we're going to have a period this month. I can't remember if the last one was April, or May, it just shows up sporadically these days so it's like playing Russian Roulette with my ovaries.
I'm smoking in the house because I have a smoke candle and I can dammit. I did pay a bill this month since cable went out in the middle of a Rizzolli and Isles I haven't seen this afternoon and I'm mad about that. I shouldn't be since Annie is paying all the bills, I keep us and the animals fed and wrapped in TP, but that's been about it lately. I also spend way too much money on beer and smokes because about all I do most of the time is drink and smoke and I know I need to stop both. I guess I'm still having a mini pity party. Sorry. Think I'll try the sleep thing and hope for the best.

My Housemate is an Idiot

I just opened the kitchen window since it's actually cool enough for that tonight. There is a beach of sevin dust sitting in the sill because that was her response to a minor ant invasion. I would expect ants in goggles and skis running down the moguls, and others laid out on beach towels,  from the way it looks up there. That would serve her right actually, but I guess it did the job. She's all about overkill.
I'll just leave it and hope she breaks out the shop vac soon. I'll just shake my head and go on.

So it's been that long huh?

I've been doing stuff, and not doing stuff, so I guess I'm less depressed today because I haven't looked for a job in the last couple of days. Crickets and rejection letters are pretty damned depressing, so I'm in avoidance mode at the moment.
Ok, I've been doing shit at The Gnome's house, and sitting with her dog, so my schedule is off. I'm also frustrated over plumbing, and it's not mine this time, even tho that cheese I ate at her house last night might cause an issue or 2 since it was hot as hell. Anyway....
It's about time for me to take my ass to bed so I can start Monday right. Later kids.

Not Feeling It

I have a date to replace a faucet tomorrow since I couldn't drag my ass over there today. I don't want to do it then either, but I will.
I'm starting to scare me a bit. I used to drink a shot of tequila and I was out. Lately, I could probably drink a bottle. I had 4 rather large shots at the bar earlier, along with some beers. Been drinking beer since I got home, and I'm still standing and coherent as far as I can tell. Just took another shot so maybe I'll go to sleep. I'm tired of this shit.
Gonna smoke and take Cat to bed. Later.

I Know I'm Overreacting, but....

Mrs. Asshole gave me shit over some chicken tonight. Apparently the whole world is torn up about some chicken, but this wasn't even that one. We had some takeout at The Asshole's house. He bagged it up like it was gonna be tossed out because he's like that. We brought it home. I get a text later about where is it? I told her we brought it home becuase it looked like it was gonna go in the trash. A few messages later....
The  one about "You know we'd give you anything if you asked" got me. My feelings are hurt. It doesn't take much these days anyway, and she knows that, so really?
I'm also drinking Annie's beer and shots of tequila because all my beer is at The Asshole's house since I've been out there all the time lately. I think I'll be home more now.
I'm mad, and hurt, and I'll leave some chicken on their front porch tomorrow just because I can dammit.
I really hate being fragile.

Another One

Annie is apparently looking for jobs for me because she doesn't think I'm looking hard enough. I'm about to clock her ass.
Other than that, I may be getting a tattoo tomorrow since I'm meeting a friend who is getting one. I'm all about peer pressure these days. I just really don't care.

I HAD a funny, but of course I've lost it now. I think I'll go to bed.

WHEEEEEE!

I bought pinwheels and everything. Cat has ripped me new ones. I'm wearing a bunch of bandaids. I put one on him just because and he freaked out. Pussy.

I think I'll go sleep now.

Now I Remember

Sally Ride passed away also. She was gay. She was a woman everyone looked up to. I didn't know she was gay, always thought so, but it wasn't an issue. I'm pretty sure everyone else felt the same way. She was awesome either way.
Look at her, and everyone else, and make an issue of it yet again. We are just like everyone else. Some of us are better than everyone else. People is people dammit. Gay, straight, stupid, we are what we are. Why do we get judged? That's so grade school bullshit.

I'm pissed, or was, I can't remember shit these days

Sherman Helmesly died, as did Chad Everett and shit. I can't remember where I was going anymore.

Apparently I have  Dexter Roycroft on my hands too. He's trying to take off body parts and hide them under the bed.

I Was Once Entertaining

 I was looking at 2007 because I knew I did a post about my other mom dying (not step-mom) and it took me a bit to find it. I was pretty funny back then. I guess something got broken between then and now. I'm not nearly as much fun as I once was, and that makes me sad. I guess I'll go to sleep since I do that well.

It's Like That

Cat is back to normal, I have blood on my shirt again from one of his snits. I apparently traded headaches for stomach aches, and both are coming and going the last couple of days so maybe there was a tradeoff there I missed.,
I've developed a huge tolerance for tequila, which is a scary thing, but it is what it is. Nobody wants to hire me, so I sleep, read, drink and swim lately. That would be all loverly if I could afford to keep doing it, but...
I think I'll go sleep since that doesn't cost money. Later.

Cat and Stomach Update

Cat is apparently pretty healthy, got some drugs for bacteria and worm medicine. The OMG stuff was all ok. My stomach is still shit, but maybe it'll get better as he does. He did come home and eat after he  bitched me out. I'm sure there will be more bitching since I have to give him pills for a few days. I'm just glad about the other. Vet told me straight up, they thought he had an OMG disease since he'd been a street cat, so she was happy he didn't either. No sign of worms either, but that pill wouldn't hurt him. 
He was kind of drunk after the dosing, and wanting the dark, quiet when we got home so I left him and went to The Asshole's for dinner. It was great, as usual. Cat jumped in my lap when I got home and he hasn't done that in a few days, so YAY. I'm thinking I'll see if he wants to go to bed with me since he hasn't slept with me in a few nights, and ice my shoulder again because it still hasn't recovered from me falling over everybody.
Night kids.

Cat has Me Worried

Got him fixed and he's been fine most of the time. Other than the couple of times he wanted to shred my arms and eat my face off, he's pretty loving. Last few days he's been out of sorts, and I've put off calling the vet because I'm scared. He was a street cat before I adopted him and I didn't get him tested for all that OMG HAVE TO PUT HIM DOWN NOW shit when I took him to the vet. The him not feeling well shit is really bothering me, plus he hates the box and the trip. He's eating and drinking, just not as much, and still playing some, but he's not the same cat. He hasn't filled up the litter box either so I guess I'll have to call tomorrow whether I like it or not. Wish me luck because I don't think I can take it if something is really wrong. I'm severly fragile right now. Later kids.

It's like That Again

Obviously been out of sorts again. Cat acting up on me hasn't helped anything. He's still eating and drinking, just not as much as usual, and he's not up my ass as much as usual. He's been barfing a bit, which I blamed on Annie giving him milk in the mornings from her cereal, and it may still be, gonna call the vet in the morning to see what they say. I think if I lose him right now after making the committment to keeping him, it might just push me over the edge.
I've been kind of maintaining, even tho the news on the job front still sucks. Spending a lot of time with The Assholes because I can, and it distracts me, but that's gonna have to end or at least slow down soon.
Annie wanted to throw darts this afternoon, I was trying to decide what to have for dinner because I'm back to not eating most of the time again. It's ok, I'm drinking enough to make up the calories. She started in about the job hunt and my resume and stuff, and I was fragile enough today to cry about it. She feels bad, I feel bad, but it is what it is. I brought her home and wound up back at The Dive just to get out of the house because me and my skin weren't comfortable anymore. I did pick up some chicken on the way home and managed to chip a tooth on something. Apparently my teeth are planning to leave me a piece at a time. I have 2 that are broken off, and now this. Some insurance would be nice too.

Anyways, enough of this shit. I'm trying to get over my pity party. I think I'll go watch some tv and take the pussy to bed to see if he stays with me. He's slept in my closet the last couple of nights, but Lucy was here which may have thrown him off too. He's used to just me and him.
Later kids.

I Think I Should Sleep

I do lots of that lately, and I do it well. I think being awake is why my head hurts. Bra is wet because I went out in a rainstorm and cleaned part of the gutter because Annie was upset about it. Another reason my head hurts. Got screwed by the state (ok not really) they were taking back the money they paid me for the week I was honest about, I looked for a job, I just didn't apply for any because I expected to get one. Stupid me.
Apparently I'm a total loser these days since even fast food doesn't want me. I'm having issues with that. I apply for jobs I am capable of doing on the high end, and jobs I'm capable of doing on the low end, and nothing. I guess I'm doing something really wrong all the way around.
I'm really tired of being a loser.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy a bathing suit since Mrs. Asshole wants me to wear one. She's just picking since I wear a tank top and shorts. I know she doesn't really care, she's just giving me a hard time, but I'll do it just to shut her up. And assuming I get out of the house before Annie comes home. I usually wait for her to call, and shower so it won't look like I was useless all day. Even tho I usually am.
Ok, take that back. I clean the cat box, floor and kitchen. Sometimes I do laundry. I'll have to mow the lawn again since it rained.
Yep, sleep is looking good again. Later kids.

I Suddenly Have a Big Pussy

He's grown much since he's been a housecat, and he's still young. I may have a lion on my hands. I did cut his nails so he'll have to eat my face off rather than scratch it off.

I wouldn't put it past him to do that either, but anyway.

Head hurts, later.

I Drink Too Much

I've been jangly all day, and had my second panic attack in as many weeks. I haven't had one of those in years, but they seem to be back now. I went to The Dive just to get out of the house because I've spent so many days at The Asshole's house they were about to have to clean out space for me to live there. I thought I'd give them a break.
I need to see my parents, but I don't get very far from home lately. I also need to go to visitation for a cousin tomorrow, or the funeral Saturday, but I'm having trouble seeing me do either right now.
I suck.
Taking The Little Bastard to the vet tomorrow will probably be the highlight of my day. He'll get snipped and nail clipped so at least maybe he won't rip me to shreds when he gets home. After that, I'll be pretty much broke so hopefully something will come up soon.

Sorry, I haven't been much fun lately. I'm getting tired of me too.

Brand New Day

Yeah, they seem to roll around like clockwork.  I got my official notice of "Sorry, even though your qualifications were impressive, we went with another applicant, and good luck on your search" letter today. This from the job 2 weeks ago, and the letter was dated the day of my 2nd interview. Asswipes.

This being unemployed shit is getting old. I called repeatedly yesterday about the letter saying I  was done, but should still file to see what the hell it meant since it contradicted itself several times, only to be told "We have a high volume of traffic right now, please try again later." CLICK.

I think I'll go to sleep because that's the only thing I seem to do well these days.