Not Feeling It

I have a date to replace a faucet tomorrow since I couldn't drag my ass over there today. I don't want to do it then either, but I will.
I'm starting to scare me a bit. I used to drink a shot of tequila and I was out. Lately, I could probably drink a bottle. I had 4 rather large shots at the bar earlier, along with some beers. Been drinking beer since I got home, and I'm still standing and coherent as far as I can tell. Just took another shot so maybe I'll go to sleep. I'm tired of this shit.
Gonna smoke and take Cat to bed. Later.

I Know I'm Overreacting, but....

Mrs. Asshole gave me shit over some chicken tonight. Apparently the whole world is torn up about some chicken, but this wasn't even that one. We had some takeout at The Asshole's house. He bagged it up like it was gonna be tossed out because he's like that. We brought it home. I get a text later about where is it? I told her we brought it home becuase it looked like it was gonna go in the trash. A few messages later....
The  one about "You know we'd give you anything if you asked" got me. My feelings are hurt. It doesn't take much these days anyway, and she knows that, so really?
I'm also drinking Annie's beer and shots of tequila because all my beer is at The Asshole's house since I've been out there all the time lately. I think I'll be home more now.
I'm mad, and hurt, and I'll leave some chicken on their front porch tomorrow just because I can dammit.
I really hate being fragile.

Another One

Annie is apparently looking for jobs for me because she doesn't think I'm looking hard enough. I'm about to clock her ass.
Other than that, I may be getting a tattoo tomorrow since I'm meeting a friend who is getting one. I'm all about peer pressure these days. I just really don't care.

I HAD a funny, but of course I've lost it now. I think I'll go to bed.

WHEEEEEE!

I bought pinwheels and everything. Cat has ripped me new ones. I'm wearing a bunch of bandaids. I put one on him just because and he freaked out. Pussy.

I think I'll go sleep now.

Now I Remember

Sally Ride passed away also. She was gay. She was a woman everyone looked up to. I didn't know she was gay, always thought so, but it wasn't an issue. I'm pretty sure everyone else felt the same way. She was awesome either way.
Look at her, and everyone else, and make an issue of it yet again. We are just like everyone else. Some of us are better than everyone else. People is people dammit. Gay, straight, stupid, we are what we are. Why do we get judged? That's so grade school bullshit.

I'm pissed, or was, I can't remember shit these days

Sherman Helmesly died, as did Chad Everett and shit. I can't remember where I was going anymore.

Apparently I have  Dexter Roycroft on my hands too. He's trying to take off body parts and hide them under the bed.

I Was Once Entertaining

 I was looking at 2007 because I knew I did a post about my other mom dying (not step-mom) and it took me a bit to find it. I was pretty funny back then. I guess something got broken between then and now. I'm not nearly as much fun as I once was, and that makes me sad. I guess I'll go to sleep since I do that well.

It's Like That

Cat is back to normal, I have blood on my shirt again from one of his snits. I apparently traded headaches for stomach aches, and both are coming and going the last couple of days so maybe there was a tradeoff there I missed.,
I've developed a huge tolerance for tequila, which is a scary thing, but it is what it is. Nobody wants to hire me, so I sleep, read, drink and swim lately. That would be all loverly if I could afford to keep doing it, but...
I think I'll go sleep since that doesn't cost money. Later.

Cat and Stomach Update

Cat is apparently pretty healthy, got some drugs for bacteria and worm medicine. The OMG stuff was all ok. My stomach is still shit, but maybe it'll get better as he does. He did come home and eat after he  bitched me out. I'm sure there will be more bitching since I have to give him pills for a few days. I'm just glad about the other. Vet told me straight up, they thought he had an OMG disease since he'd been a street cat, so she was happy he didn't either. No sign of worms either, but that pill wouldn't hurt him. 
He was kind of drunk after the dosing, and wanting the dark, quiet when we got home so I left him and went to The Asshole's for dinner. It was great, as usual. Cat jumped in my lap when I got home and he hasn't done that in a few days, so YAY. I'm thinking I'll see if he wants to go to bed with me since he hasn't slept with me in a few nights, and ice my shoulder again because it still hasn't recovered from me falling over everybody.
Night kids.

Cat has Me Worried

Got him fixed and he's been fine most of the time. Other than the couple of times he wanted to shred my arms and eat my face off, he's pretty loving. Last few days he's been out of sorts, and I've put off calling the vet because I'm scared. He was a street cat before I adopted him and I didn't get him tested for all that OMG HAVE TO PUT HIM DOWN NOW shit when I took him to the vet. The him not feeling well shit is really bothering me, plus he hates the box and the trip. He's eating and drinking, just not as much, and still playing some, but he's not the same cat. He hasn't filled up the litter box either so I guess I'll have to call tomorrow whether I like it or not. Wish me luck because I don't think I can take it if something is really wrong. I'm severly fragile right now. Later kids.

It's like That Again

Obviously been out of sorts again. Cat acting up on me hasn't helped anything. He's still eating and drinking, just not as much as usual, and he's not up my ass as much as usual. He's been barfing a bit, which I blamed on Annie giving him milk in the mornings from her cereal, and it may still be, gonna call the vet in the morning to see what they say. I think if I lose him right now after making the committment to keeping him, it might just push me over the edge.
I've been kind of maintaining, even tho the news on the job front still sucks. Spending a lot of time with The Assholes because I can, and it distracts me, but that's gonna have to end or at least slow down soon.
Annie wanted to throw darts this afternoon, I was trying to decide what to have for dinner because I'm back to not eating most of the time again. It's ok, I'm drinking enough to make up the calories. She started in about the job hunt and my resume and stuff, and I was fragile enough today to cry about it. She feels bad, I feel bad, but it is what it is. I brought her home and wound up back at The Dive just to get out of the house because me and my skin weren't comfortable anymore. I did pick up some chicken on the way home and managed to chip a tooth on something. Apparently my teeth are planning to leave me a piece at a time. I have 2 that are broken off, and now this. Some insurance would be nice too.

Anyways, enough of this shit. I'm trying to get over my pity party. I think I'll go watch some tv and take the pussy to bed to see if he stays with me. He's slept in my closet the last couple of nights, but Lucy was here which may have thrown him off too. He's used to just me and him.
Later kids.

I Think I Should Sleep

I do lots of that lately, and I do it well. I think being awake is why my head hurts. Bra is wet because I went out in a rainstorm and cleaned part of the gutter because Annie was upset about it. Another reason my head hurts. Got screwed by the state (ok not really) they were taking back the money they paid me for the week I was honest about, I looked for a job, I just didn't apply for any because I expected to get one. Stupid me.
Apparently I'm a total loser these days since even fast food doesn't want me. I'm having issues with that. I apply for jobs I am capable of doing on the high end, and jobs I'm capable of doing on the low end, and nothing. I guess I'm doing something really wrong all the way around.
I'm really tired of being a loser.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy a bathing suit since Mrs. Asshole wants me to wear one. She's just picking since I wear a tank top and shorts. I know she doesn't really care, she's just giving me a hard time, but I'll do it just to shut her up. And assuming I get out of the house before Annie comes home. I usually wait for her to call, and shower so it won't look like I was useless all day. Even tho I usually am.
Ok, take that back. I clean the cat box, floor and kitchen. Sometimes I do laundry. I'll have to mow the lawn again since it rained.
Yep, sleep is looking good again. Later kids.

I Suddenly Have a Big Pussy

He's grown much since he's been a housecat, and he's still young. I may have a lion on my hands. I did cut his nails so he'll have to eat my face off rather than scratch it off.

I wouldn't put it past him to do that either, but anyway.

Head hurts, later.

I Drink Too Much

I've been jangly all day, and had my second panic attack in as many weeks. I haven't had one of those in years, but they seem to be back now. I went to The Dive just to get out of the house because I've spent so many days at The Asshole's house they were about to have to clean out space for me to live there. I thought I'd give them a break.
I need to see my parents, but I don't get very far from home lately. I also need to go to visitation for a cousin tomorrow, or the funeral Saturday, but I'm having trouble seeing me do either right now.
I suck.
Taking The Little Bastard to the vet tomorrow will probably be the highlight of my day. He'll get snipped and nail clipped so at least maybe he won't rip me to shreds when he gets home. After that, I'll be pretty much broke so hopefully something will come up soon.

Sorry, I haven't been much fun lately. I'm getting tired of me too.

Brand New Day

Yeah, they seem to roll around like clockwork.  I got my official notice of "Sorry, even though your qualifications were impressive, we went with another applicant, and good luck on your search" letter today. This from the job 2 weeks ago, and the letter was dated the day of my 2nd interview. Asswipes.

This being unemployed shit is getting old. I called repeatedly yesterday about the letter saying I  was done, but should still file to see what the hell it meant since it contradicted itself several times, only to be told "We have a high volume of traffic right now, please try again later." CLICK.

I think I'll go to sleep because that's the only thing I seem to do well these days.

Hello Kids

It's been another day. I had to hit the employment place today to prove that I'm actively looking for a job, and will probably be penalized for being honest. Yes, I skipped a week because I really expected to be called in for a job. I guess I should have lied and said I looked when I didn't. Well, I did look, I just didn't apply. Same thing I guess. I'm so tired of this shit. Even Mc d's doesn't want me now so it's a bit disheartening.
I threw some darts with my brother and invited myself over to The Asshole's house because otherwise I was gonna come home and cry myself into a puddle. I may still, but at least I staved it off for a few hours and ate dinner in the process. I also have volunteered to lay sod for them tomorrow, drink lunch with an old friend, and hit a pool because I can. I'll see how many things actually want or need me.
Still in a mood and don't know what to do about it other than sleep.
Mom ripped me a new one yesterday and I'm not really over that one yet either. I know, chin up, tits out, but dammit.
Think I'll take my pussy and whiny ass to bed, if he'll even sleep with me, he hasn't gotten over me falling over him the other night. One thing I did take care of, he has an appointment to get snipped next week. At least there are funds for that and maybe we'll all be happier after that.
Going to I don't know what, and sleep, after all tomorrow is another day.

Unsettled

Babycat's buddy came by tonight. Yes, I still feed whoever stops by. Babycat watched him from the doorway, as did I. I actually opened the door in case they wanted to have a reunion. They didn't. This one seems to be happy with his indoor status now.
The other seems to have a broken leg, and it broke my heart because I'd take him in if I could, but I can't touch him. I've only got this one because he decided to be people friendly enough to come to me and I coaxed him into the house.
I guess I'll keep leaving food out, but quit watching. I can't stand it.

Listening to Annie Lennox to try to soothe something because everything else in me is jangly tonight.

May have  to go to Mazzy Starr for calm. If I can find it. Outta here to do something. Later.

Nutting time is soon...

I've kept the little shit in the house for the last few days and for the most part he's ok with it. I'm just tired of everything I own being bled on when he has a little scratching fit. I didn't want to cut his nails until the other parts got cut because there may still be some going outside since he's a slippery little fucker. I'll make calls tomorrow so we can fix all this (I hope). I know he's still gonna want to play rough, but his little Edward Scissorhands thing right now isn't good for me because I bleed at the drop of a hat anyway. At least Lucy told me about peroxide so all my clothes aren't completely ruined. Speaking of which, I need to hit the head and throw some peroxide on this shirt since it looks like I slit someone's throat. Later kids.

I might revise my opinion of the cat

I left him in most of the day since I actually got out of the house for a change. He was in my bed when I got home, and other than the one making me bleed incident he's been good. For the most part, we get along and it's ok. He's usually in my lap while I sit here, he sleeps with me and he's a cuddler, even tho he takes up half the bed to do it. I think we may have kitty love going on.

It seems he went off to bed without me too, bastard.

He makes me smile if nothing else, and not much does these days so I'll be spending some of my cash stash fixing his ass and making him a proper housecat. I think I'll go to bed too. Later kids.

I'm adopting this cat, and I don't much like him. Might explain why I'm not all that jazzed about gettting him fixed right now. I don't want to spend money on him if I'm not gonna get a return for that. He sleeps with me and that's cool, but for the most part, he's not all that loving, he left today, and came back at dark wanting to eat my bracelet, and my face and I'm a bit pissed.
 I also have no idea where he is right now, but it's somewhere in the house. I may be on the news later when he eats my face.

Beyond all that. I has no job, and no expectation of finding one since everything I apply to is shit so it's no wonder I have a headache. I think I'll take my ass to bed and try again tomorrow.

Another?

I managed to interview ok it seems. I have a second this week. I feel like I've been poked and probed, but hell, if it works....

Cat has adopted me, and he makes me smile, so he can stay. The little fucker.

I think he and I need to go to bed because I'm a tired puppy.

Oh yeah, Betty is fine.Doc said the weight she'd lost was good for her, she was too hefty before, and the problem spot was a wart. She's a healthy 8 yr old, and I'm ashamed to say we thought she was younger. Someone should pay more attention.

Ok, I'm rambling so I'm outta here. Night kids.

Razor Blades

My stomach is shit right now. Hence the razor blade reference. I have a job interview Tuesday. I haven't had an actual interview in almost a year. Everything has been phone or e-mail, and apparently I suck at both since nothing has happened. I'm worried about actually showing up somewhere because hello, have you seen me? Right now my thing is my forearms because I've got what I call old lady skin. It looks like someone took a baseball bat to my left arm, and my right has claw marks from the Asshole's dog. Nobody's fault, the dog didn't really get me, and the other, I bumped into something the other day and there it is. I guess I'll be looking for something light and long sleeved to wear.

I've also apparently adopted a cat. Once I got him in the house and he looked around, he's made himself at home, and I'm ok with it. Have enough in the slush fund for a fixing and shots so I guess there's a vet visit next week too. Already one of those in the works for Betty, she's lost weight that neither of us really noticed until now, and that bite on her ear doesn't really look like a bite anymore. Yeah, I think I've had enough of this tonight. Gonna go smoke with the pussy and see if he wants to come back in and sleep with me tonight. He's a cuddler so I really wouldn't mind.
Later kids.

Crickets and Nightmares

Obviously haven't heard back from Mr. "I'll be in touch." So much for giddiness. Did get a call today from another place and I have an interview next week so I'll be dusting off the bullshit skills.
I've been sleeping a lot because I can, and the dreams/nightmares are strange. I've been seeing a lot of my dead sister lately. That's good, but bad. This morning I got a great hug and she was quite pregnant. A friend told me that means she's looking out for me and she's happy where she's at. I'm just glad I'm getting to see her, it's been awhile. It also works on my fragile mind a bit so I sat here and watched tv all afternoon crying over episodes of Ghost Whisperer because I could. I'm a mess.

I have shit to do tomorrow that may or may not happen. Saturday I have to go see Spawn becacuse it's his birthday party that he invited me to all on his own. I'm off to sleep some more now.

Fingers Crossed

I've been applying for non IT stuff because I really don't want to do that anymore, but the one job I did apply to the other day called. Another contract thing, but the guy that called was great. He knows my former bosses, we chatted a bit about the selling of the company, the stupidity of the system they went to, and my old hometown when it came up also. He said (and I know this may not mean a thing) that even if this one fell through he would try to find me something else.
I don't care anymore, throw me a bone and I'm giddy as hell for a minute at least. Will sit by the phone (metaphorically) tomorrow and hope. At least he called, and hopefully I didn't fail. Now it's time to sleep.

Whheeeee

Yeah, nothing new. I'm just sitting on my ass eating bon-bons these days. Ok, not really, but I might as well be. Apply for job, get rejected, rinse, repeat. not fun. I'm tired of being rejected dammit. At this point, my brain cells are pretty much gone too, so the couple of jobs I've actually shown up in person for, were same thing, just not an e-mail saying "Thanks so much, but you don't fit." They were just "We'll call", and nothing happens.
Annie thinks I'm not looking, but she has one now so she's forgotten it was hard. I'm also not starving yet so I guess I could be looking harder. Think I should have taken the trucker job. Except I don't really like to drive. Fuck.
I need to find something soon because a family vacation is coming up. As much as I'd love to go to the beach with Spawn, I just really don't want to. Stupid shit I know.
Yeah, wah, wah, it sucks to be me. I know it could be much worse, I'm just having a moment. I'll get over it and put on my big girl panties.
Today has just sucked. I'll be better soon.
Think I'll take my ass to bed. Later.

Time To Pay Attention

Apparently I've been outta control again. I don't remember writing or posting that Wednesday. Actually I don't remember a whole lot of dark time all this week.
I know we had dinner with The Assholes last night, and I got into a political discussion with Mr. Asshole, which I never do, but hell, I was fearless and had tequila in me. We agreed to disagree and I'm pretty much blank after that. At least I woke up in my own bed with everything intact.
Annie didn't completely shun me today so I must not have said anything stupid to her, so I guess I'm good.

Went to the Gnome's house and painted her front door, which made her happy. Latest report is she's all good. Cancer was apparently localized because they can't find anything anywhere else so YAY! Nice to have some good news.

Haven't heard from the latest job prospect where I may have had a shot, so.... Back to the same old.

Thinking next week would be a good time to quit drinking for awhile because I can, and I've gained about 20 lbs from drinking too much lately. I don't like having love handles anymore. Guess it's time to go to bed. Night kids.

Here we GO AGAIN.
Yeah, fuck capitalization because it's not working right tonight either. So.... crickets......
I don't know why I bother lately. Still job hunting, rejection e-mails are piling up on the virtual table here. Clogging up the inbox I guess.
I think I need to sleep again. What I want to talk about, I can't. And that sucks.

Zip

I just realized I need to check the e-mail for this. Notes from the Universe has probably filled up my inbox in my absence.

I guess it's ongoing...

I've been doing stuff for the Gnome this week. Today I stayed home with intentions of shopping and shipping and getting things done. I sat on my ass in front of the computer all day and didn't do shit. I don't know why, but Donna Summer dying brought on a wave of grief. I finally showered this afternoon because Annie was on her way home and wanted to go out. I didn't, and by the time she got here and sat for a few she didn't either. I did, just because, and wasn't happy about any of it.
I've been home for awhile, hoping that shot I had would kick in and I'll be really drunk so I can just fall in bed and sleep. So far, nothing. TV and Castelville are getting old. I looked for jobs again............Phlebotomist is my new calling, let's hope they call me.
I'm tired, and tired, and I've gotta get off my ass. Going back to work on the Gnome's house tomorrow so I'll get out of the house, and maybe I'll get some of that other list done. After all, tomorrow is another day.

Desperation leads to.... Insanity?

After the toy store with the giraffe decided I can't even stock shelves for them, I got a bit more depressed. I signed on to be a long haul trucker. I just have to go to Indiana to get my CDL and I'm on the road!

I think I can do the job, but the 3 weeks in a motel while I train might be a bit much for me. I'm too much of a homebody for that. Indecisive? Yep. It's a job, and it's good money, it's also stupid at my age. Maybe. Crap, I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I have till 3pm tomorrow to decide for sure.

Think I'll go make a list of pros and cons and see if there's anything new out there. Later kids.

Having a Day, or Night at this point

Apparently I am PMSing like hell because all I've wanted to do today is cry. That's not a good thing. I swell up like a blowfish, so I'd rather do that in the privacy of my dark bedroom late at night if I'm gonna do it. That may happen later, I managed to stave it off, but I still don't have to like it dammit. I had a metaphor too, but it fell by the wayside.
Actually it was long and drawn out and yeah. Done with that.
I think I'll go play stupid for awhile and then actually sleep. Later kids.

And Once More...

Been busy not doing a lot, but doing a lot. Funny how easy that is when you have too much time on your hands. I've had the headache from hell for a couple of days and I hope it's just allergies, stress or my pillow since there's that little issue of my Jeep having insurance, but me? Not so much.
PMS Meds helped a bit today, so maybe it's that. The end result of that just shows up when it wants to, but so far the symptoms seem to still hang around. Just the first time I've really had a bad headache in awhile, so I really don't like it.
Anyways, stuff lined up for tomorrow that involves ironing and getting the metal out of my face, which I wasn't able to accomplish tonight probably because I have no patience right now, so I'll fix that in the morning too. Nothing really promising, but it's something.
I'm pretty tired of rejection and feeling completely worthless so off to see if I can sell myself into something completely different. Wish me luck I haven't lost those semi-developed bullshit skills from the old job that I need to dust off again.
Other than that, not much to report. Need to sleep, so I'll probably go play around online for a couple of hours and get around to that. Night kids.

Happy Birthday to Me

I was kidnapped, dragged across state lines and required to eat a very nice lunch. Apparently Dad was jealous I went out with Mom last week so he took me out to eat today (yesterday now, but you know what I mean.) I need to put my ass in the bed just because, but so far not feeling it so here I am And not really feeling this anymore either so I guess I'll go do something else until I decide to sleep. Later kids.

Had a Day

Hysterical female calling before lunch was almost the end of my day. Lucy needs to get a grip. Nothing major after that, but I'm just not in the mood.

I forgot, again. Dammit

I had a purpose, and things to say and I can't remember any of it now.
I'm obviously worried about my brain since it doesn't seem to be working.
I woke up this morning with stuff happening with my eyes, it was like shutters and strobe lights for a bit.

And I had something to say....Fuck. I may have really fried my last brain cell.
I think I'll go to bed.

Driving Miss Daisy

I'm still hanging out with the Gnome, getting her from point A to point B. A is pretty much her house and B is usually lunch, and that's about it. I take off for a few hours in the afternoon to go read and veg at The Dive and give her some space. Thankfully Lucy will be here tomorrow so I can go back to my wild and wooly ways.........doing pretty much what I'm doing now, but closer to home, and without the lunch.
Her Dr. is pretty much convinced she has cancer somewhere else, it couldn't have been contained in what was removed even tho she showed no signs of anything anywhere. More tests coming up. I hope for her sake they're wrong, and the tumor was it.

Her dog, who I usually love, doesn't have time for me since she's home, and I'm actually ok with that. He should be hers instead of mine when she's home. He does come see me when she's in the shower lol. I understand now why she calls him what she does.

Friends are coming over tomorrow, so I need to make sure they have a place to eat lunch, and then I'm outta here so Lucy can take over for the weekend. It'll be a Gnomefest.

Rude and Uncouth

Appaerntly I hang out with mental 6 yr olds. The Assholes showed up at the bar, and left because we were hanging out with our other friends that they suddenly don't like.
Mr. Cool's wife made a point of saying hello to all of us, and dissing the other one. I only put up with her because of him in the first place. I'm done.

I have much better friends here than I do in real life it seems. Love Y'all.

Not Even

I'm usually happy to be home after being away. I'm not so much.

I Need to Sleep

The Gnome is gonna run me ragged tomorrow. Lucy had to leave so I got Gnome duty last night and tonight (or something approximating that since it's now Thursday morning).
She's doing really well and ready to get out and about. We had Chinese buffet for lunch because she wanted out of the house, and I don't blame her for that. I'm not sure about her taste in buffet places, but that's another story for another day.
I should put my ass in bed since she'll want to be up and gone early tomorrow. (today)

That's the other thing. Since the only shower here is in her bedroom, I actually went out in public this morning without bathing. Lucy was aghast.
I did shower last night because after pressure washing the house, I was a bit nasty.
I went home today and cleaned up again since I forgot mousse and stuff to bring here. Also some more jeans, since I packed shorts and now it's cool again. Damn weather. I'll be good to go in the morning.

Gonna go crash. My step-dog in firmly ensconced with Mommy tonight, he only comes downstairs to see me if he thinks there's food. I still love him, I can understand. He's Momma's boy, and I'm her second lol.

Damn, I'm good drunk

I wrote that last post? I amaze myself. I used ambulatory in a sentence. I rock.
Ms. Sweet is home, I passed her off to Lucy this afternoon because I can be a caregiver, but Lucy is much better at it so I'm all about letting her.
I'm now very drunk because I can be. And I'm not happy about it either, it just kinda happened. I think I'll go to sleep since I still need to be up early, and ponder my reasons for being stupid later.

The other story is I saw serious addiction and stupidity, and besides pissing me off, it made me sad, and mad. I didn't hang around for that too long. One of the things I need to fix... and probably the hardest one for me.
I know I'm a drunk, but I can quit, and I don't hurt anybody else with my addiction. I don't steal to fuel my habit, or lie to cover it up. I am. It's me.
If I can't, I won't. Some people I know have no boundaries, and that makes me sad.

Now, I'm really going to sleep.

So, here we are again

Didn't make the very early visit to see Ms. Sweet this morning. Was on my way there when I realized I'd have about 5 minutes if that. I gave up and went to her house to hang out with the dog and gear up for the 9:00 visit. That worked out ok. He and I had a pseudo nap on the loveseat while I was waiting. Met the sister, found out nothing new, and still planning for me to take her home at some point and Lucy, Annie and I will take care of things until she's fully ambulatory again. I've been sitting here too long too because I'm beat and need to sleep so I can be there in the morning to see her and get the down low on when she's getting out. This morning I mean. I think it's time for me to sleep. Later.

Kinda like a Monday on a Tuesday

It was a day kids. I got up at the buttcrack of dawn to take Ms. Sweet in for a "procedure." The 45 minute thing turned into 3 hours and she has cancer. She doesn't know that yet since she's still in the hospital drugged outta her mind. Her Dr. likes to use ICU so I couldn't stay with her either, which is just as well because I really needed a drink so I could find out Mrs. Asshole's friend for most of her life died today from......wait for it...........chronic alcoholism.
I haven't heard from Ms. Sweet's sister, which worries me, but oh well, not my fault I couldn't find her in the phone and she didn't call to check on her. Couple of her friends did, and I'll be killed when Ms. Sweet wakes up because she didn't want anyone to know anything. The one guessed, and I couldn't lie so......there we are.

Mrs. Asshole invited me over for dinner and I went, hung out with her for a bit talking about her friend because she's obviously upset. I at least made her laugh a bit while we both drank beer. I think I'm done for the night with the taking care of folks. I need to be up at the buttcrack of dawn again to check on Ms. Sweet and see when she's getting sprung so we can set up a hang out with her schedule. I get to stay with her dog so I win.

Oh yeah, going downstairs to give dog his treats, I wound up on the tile floor on my bad knee. It's not awful, but sitting here with ice. I'm still in way better shape than the others today.

Good thoughts will be appreciated, and I love you. Thanks.

Maybe I Just Needed to Bitch?

Funny, just got an e-mail on my phone about a possible job opportunity. It's from the original company that had me a job that got put on hold. Fingers crossed it doesn't go back there. It's a contract thing too, but the first time it was a guaranteed 3 months, don't know the details this time, but that's better than 2 weeks and way better than being unemployed so now I'll be waiting to hear something tomorrow. Will let you know.

Same Old Stuff

Nothing new to report. I'm apparently over-qualified for a lot of the stuff I'm applying for, and under-qualified for what I used to do so here I am.
I can't even make a new career out of blogging because I can't seem to keep that up lately either lol. Too bad there isn't a job in Castleville for me, I think I'd make a great blacksmith.
Gotta get to bed before daylight for a change because Annie ripped me a new one yesterday morning because she could. I think she was just mad because she had to go to work and I'd been up all night again, but that's neither here nor there. I'm still supporting myself for the moment so she can kiss my ass.
At least there's less depression sleep going on, now it seems to be depression insomnia, or something like that.
Meeting Babysis to take Spawn back to the urologist for an ultrasound this afternoon just to make sure his pee parts are ok and that's about it for new news.
Think I'll give up and go to bed. Later kids.

That was Different

It's been a weird day (as most of them are lately). I ended up having a theological discussion with my brother (who isn't) and we actually agree on some things. Most things, actually, I've always seen him as a die-hard bible thumping Baptist. He surprised me. He had to go, and I really needed to go, so maybe we'll continue this conversation at a later date.
The good news is he showed up while I was seriously depressed and thinking of alternatives, so maybe things do work out. I guess we'll see.

Once Upon a Time

I would have spent a night like this lying on the hood of a car, looking at the Moon and the clouds running across it. Waiting for some stars to show up.
I do miss those days, when I was a carefree youngster and could do that.
I can do it again, but the cars are bigger and not as conducive to lying around on, and the shoulders and hips wouldn't like it as much either.

I so miss a Ford LTD, or a 68 Chevelle. Those hoods were good for stretching out on. Jeeps and Infinitis, not so much.

Guess I should take my old ass to bed. Night kids.

I Don't Belong Here Anymore

One of those epiphany things. I don't belong where I am anymore becuase I'm with the wrong people. I've been spending a lot of time with people I like, but they don't see me for me. Most of them are so shallow you can see Canada through them, and it never bothered me before, but tonight it does. I need some real.

Couple of Days Later...

Optimism is waning and...

This is really what I want to get at. A friend (a flesh and blood, somebody I actually see sometimes friend) has un-friended me on Facebook and I don't know why.
She's the friend the other friend no longer likes, and I've defended the hell out of her to the one. Now I'm just stumped. Maybe the one who no longer likes her was right and she's a flake.

I'll call or leave her a message tomorrow because really? I deserve better. I guess she's not really a friend after all, or she just gave me up for lent.

Fuck it, hurt and upset about it no matter what. Not cool.

I AM Positive :)

Unemployed again, but yes, I'm way better than I was. I'm not stupid (even though I thought I was). I was the only woman on the crew to last for 2 weeks. Some of the guys didn't even make the whole time, so I'm feeling pretty good. My knees and feet hate me, but dammit I made it.
I'm also back on a regular schedule so far, I want to go to sleep since I got up early again since my body got used to that. Tomorrow will be a full day of looking for another job and bugging the temp place for another contract and updating the resume with this job. I have stuff hopefully happening at the moment.

Working also took off some of the beer weight I'd gained, so I'm back to comfortable. I'm not yet skeletal again, but the gut is gone. I can deal with that, I didn't even like me skeletal. I may be in the pit again soon, but tonight things are looking up so I'll take what I can get.

Have a good night kids, I'm going to sleep.

Careful What You Wish For

Monday was cool. Yesterday was "Only 3 more days" because I was beat. Today I'm beat again, but now it's only 2 more days till I'm unemployed again. I'm not sure I'm ready for that again.
I did apply for a job last night that I wouldn't have a few weeks ago, this has at least been really good for my self-esteem. So if we can stand each other for 2 more days, I'll still be a productive member of society :)

I need to check on my Castleville and put my ass in the bed because I'm not as young as I used to be, and this running all over the place in steel-toed shoes is reminding me of it.
Later kids.

It Gets Old

I love my mother, y'all know that. But she's testing my last nerve. On Facebook of all places. I haven't been there much lately, but I said something tonight and she jumped all over it with a guilt trip for me. I deleted the post and if I say anything else I'll make sure she and babysis don't see it just because.
I think I'll go to bed now, Lucy talked me out of a lot of my upset because I'm actually happy about the job even tho it's short term. I'm not stupid YAY! I had doubts about my ability to do anything. I'm ok. This has been a boost to my self esteem because I haven't had any in awhile. I'm gonna be ok I think. Later kids.

You're kidding Right?

I got a phone call today. I have to re-take my drug test. I find it amusing because I'm the cleanest person in the history of the world, but really?
We all know I drink, but other than that, Ibuprofen is the strongest thing I ever take so. Maybe they don't know what a clean test looks like. Or it could have been the 5 cups of coffee I had at breakfast with that old friend. Whatever. I'll let ya know. Night kids.

So, it's a job

I finally calmed down. My nerves have been shot. Today was pretty much the trial run, and I'm pretty sure I'll be ok so that helps a lot. So I have something to make me behave for a couple of weeks because I've got to be up at the crack of dawn, which makes me go to sleep at a decent hour, and I get to exercise my brain. Hopefully this will lead to bigger and better things, but if not, at least it makes my resume' look better.
Wish me lots of luck, even tho I'm not stupid (and sometimes I forget that), there are people smarter than me looking for jobs too. Later kids.

It's a brand new day

Annie is an Engineer and I'm a Contractor. Who would have thunk?
I has a job. It's only for 2 weeks, but weeeeeee. It's a job. Hopefully it will lead to other jobs.
I've been so fucking depressed, this gave me hope so. Cross your fingers I'm not totally stupid.
Ok, I know I'm not totally stupid, but I just ain't right.

Also another of those things I had words for, that now escape me because I drink too fucking much. At least having a job will cut down on that.

And It works like that

I've been busy, kinda. There's lots of sleeping going on, and a possibility of a real job, but same ole sitting on hold for that.
Last night I grilled. I've done that off and on, but not really. Last night I was missing Handsome seriously. He hung out next to me, waiting to see if I'd drop something, and I always did. The girls don't seem to get that, so I was a mess by the time the food was done.
Annie and Lucy said everything was good, I still haven't eaten any of it.

I also made more sense in my head last night, but couldn't write without crying so I didn't. Mrs. Asshole called me just after lunch today so we've been drinking for hours.
I'm deciding which me I like better.

Love you

I'm having a rash of people losing people right now and my PMSing ass is having a hard time with it. I called Mom just to thank her for still being here, and that turned into a CONVERSATION, but it was still ok.
I'm ok, but, if you're still reading this, besides you JS, you know I love you, thank you. I love you all too.
I'll be calling Dad tomorrow to thank him for his house where I and friends raided his freezer and had dinner after his Dad died. Friend and I both needed the calm place, and I'm thinking I need to go back to it because coming home has made me an emotional mess. Geeze.

Back to the sentiment of the moment, I am a loving person, I don't like bullshit, and get tired of mine on a regular basis, pretty much why I haven't said much lately. If you need something, let me know, I can at least be a shoulder to cry on. Take care kids.

So it's been that long?

Mom is currently cancer free so YAY!
Or at least PET scan says she is, have to have a couple of other things done, but lymphoma is gone for now.
It's a really good time to be unemployed because Annie's aunts are acting up and she needs to be gone a lot. It's a really bad time to be unemployed because it's messing with my head something awful. I don't need much to mess with that anyway.

I think I should go to bed, or work on the book I'm writing because hey, most people get a hit when they've hit bottom right? LOL

New and Improved

Mom is going to get her test results all by herself tomorrow. I guess she's a big girl now. She told me she didn't need me to go with, it wouldn't change the results, and she's right so there we go.

I've been depressed as hell lately, but still maintaining because somebody has to right?
Weepy has been replaced by sleepy so I'll go to bed soon.

It was 80's at The Dive tonight just because, and I need to look up Sass Jordan again because I loved her, but it may have been only me that did.

Lucy has kicked me to the curb. I can't remember if it's because I'm an inconsiderate asshole or an insensitive bitch, or both, but that is what it is.

Annie may have a job so good for her. I'm looking at leaving everything again because I can.
Think I'll go sleep because I can. Night kids.

Happy Fucking Holidays

If you've been here, you know I hate this time of year. I'm sorry I'm not really visiting anyone lately either, in case you noticed. I'm playing mindless games or looking for a job, or most likely, spending my time drunk because I can. There's been an awful lot of that lately.
My marketable skills in my opinion are little. Other people say I'm downplaying my thing. So give me your opinion.
I graduated High School. (A year late because I was stupid about some girl)
I went to work for a manufacturing company where I did menial labor for about 6 years.
I worked for another company doing the same kind of thing, in a supervisory position for almost a year before going back to the original company where I built databases and twiddled my thumbs for awhile.
Suddenly, I'm their IT person. We had a network of 4 computers, and it was my job to make sure everyone knew what they were doing!
This grew to over 50 computers, and I'm still the "go to person". For 15 years.

I set up and adminstered the new computer system, was told I was worthless, and my services were no longer required.

No wonder I'm a drunk. At least I'm good at that.

The Wedding

It was nice. Saw a bunch of people I don't usually get to see. Had free booze and drank way too much of it. The Newlyweds had provided lodging for a bunch of us right beside the next stop on the drunk train. I walked over and had Lucy retrieve me before I went in because I really, really didn't need to be there after I danced all afternoon. We went back to the room, ordered pizza and watched "It's a Wonderful Life." Love the movie only because I love Jimmy Stewart
She says I was talking to other people on my way to sleep, I think I was talking to Jose' since Annie left her bottle with me and Ms. Sweet and I got into it before bedtime.

Mom is mad at me because she's called a couple of times and I haven't answered. I'm just not feeling real chatty right now. Part of the reason this place is collecting dust. Even my writing sucks because it's all about job applications and bullshit lately. Hard to explain that to someone who isn't in it I guess.

Oops, it's after 3 so I should go to bed. Have to be up at.........yeah. It's kinda like that.
Later.

December Sucks

Tomorrow will be 23 years since my sister died. I'll be attending a wedding. I think she would appreciate the irony.

The Widow and Boytoy will heretofore be known as the newlyweds.

I didn't think it would bother me, but it is so I should probably get some sleep before I get all stupid because I need to be pretty and shit tomorrow.

Off to find some stupidity with Lucy and go to bed before 3 for a change.
Later.

Dusting the Place Off

I've been slacking, but I've been busy. Castleville won't take care of itself ya know.

I'm having a whole lot of "Idunno" these days. Lucy is staying here since her home is stressing her out. My home, Annie and her is stressing me out.

Job hunt is still a hunt. A friend sent me something today where she can at least get me interviewed so fingers crossed. I've become complacent and that's not a good thing.

I'm gaining weight because I drink all night, sleep all day, and start all over again. Not a good thing.

I know Grannie. I'm working on it.

My self esteem is gone these days. I know I'm worth a shit, but nobody else does and it sucks. I also seem to have lost my train of thought since Lucy asked me a question....


Think I'll go play a game. Later.

Nothing Really New, But...

I've been in a seriously foul mood lately. I can't help it. I'm unemployed, my head hurts and, I'm worthless.
I love Spawn, but after last night and today, I wanted to kill him too because he never shut up. Thankfully he did sleep last night. I wouldn't have made it if he'd stayed up with me. Knocking on the door and trying to scare me at 7 a.m. is acceptable since he crashed around 9 and I stayed up till 1. I got a break.

Dinner with the family was actually pretty awesome. Food was good even if I did help Mom do the major parts, and I ate too much of it.

Came home and hit The Dive for a much needed chill out and I'm better now.
Off to do shit tomorrow since looking for a job tonight isn't going too well either.
Sigh.

Dog Sitting again

Ms Sweet is off on another adventure. I'm enjoying her dog and her comfy bed while she's gone. He's not happy that his schedule is messed up, but I think we'll be able to live together for a bit.
He's snoozing right now after hacking my facebook to bitch about me. We'll have a chat in the morning.
I'm off to bed since I haven't gotten much sleep the last few days either.
Later kids.

Hard to Keep Track

Days run together lately. Got a couple of things to do this week, and spending some time with Friend's dog while she's travelling again. Maybe I'll get back to blogging while I'm there.

I Did a Good Thing

Went to visitation for the friend's mom, and got her way drunk after.
She needed it.

I have a billion post it's in front of me with job info and passwords to get there...
I don't care tonight. I'm happy I made my friend happy, at least for a minute. I love her, and she deserves way better than she's gotten.

We had some diso at The Dive, drinks and many toasts to her Mom. Hubby took her home in her cups, and I may own a new Harley next week when we kidnap her.

Oh yeah, I'm in the kidnapping business lately, she's on my list for next week.

This is Different

Put new clothes on the Jeep today, it's awesome, it's like not having windows. I think I wore my fingerprints off getting the damned thing on, but still, worth it.

Went to The Dive and My Brother showed up. There was a partial power outage so we threw some darts in the dark. He kicked my ass. He then found a couple of other people and at least he was taking the really drunk one home, he kept pressing his knee against mine even tho he knows better. I'm not in the mood. I wouldn't be interested in drunk guy even if I was straight.

Got home and had a note to call a former co-worker about lunch Saturday with several other former co-workers. Most of them are the same family, and one I've seen off and on for lunch over the last couple of years, but still. Intriguing. I'll plan to be there.

Funeral for another friend's mother tomorrow so I've got to drag my ass out of bed and put on real clothes for a change. It's been awhile. Got a pill to help me get through that, but probably shouldn't take it since My Brother told me who got my job contract and I need to pass a test if they consider me. Dammit.

Guess I'll go play for a bit and put my ass in bed. Night.

Had a Plan, Kinda

No, not really. I kinda thought about doing this, and that, and probably would have if I'd been alone. Instead I took off to do something someone else(s) wanted and it has just pissed me off so I think I'll go cocoon and be done with it for the night.

I had sentences that made sense about what's going on, but they're in my head, and that's a scary place right now. I wish I could write what I think when I'm stringing sentences together.

I was happy to write stories about the Kidnapped Kingsnake, until... I got self-concious about bothering people with it, but too, why bother?

Yep, making no sense again. Time to sleep, or check and see how many cats are eating these days and then sleeping. I'm not too amusing lately.

Nothing New to Report

I've done some more painting, yard work, and hanging out. The job that was really a job went poof. Just hanging out and looking for something at the moment. Got cash from my 401k so the Jeep will get some new clothes and the bills will get paid for a bit longer since Annie isn't doing well on the job front either.

Lucy is here for a couple of more days, having lunch with a long lost friend tomorrow, and that's about it. Got some pinto beans in the crock pot and about to put my ass in bed. I'm tired for someone who didn't really do anything today.
Later kids.

So I Walk Into a Bar....

Yeah, not surprising. Nothing about this is actually, just wanted a title.
I ran errands, bought books, and sat at The Dive to read for a couple of hours because I could. It's Stephen White this week, pretty good stuff.
Annie is away and Lucy won't be back till tomorrow so I've had some alone time.
It's not that much different except I have more bed when I finally get there.
I grocery shopped today, was gonna grill hotdogs and decided that was too much trouble for just me so I had a hot pocket. The pizza ones aren't bad.
Applied for a job a friend accidentally told me about on facebook and pondered the meaning of life while watching Las Vegas....ok, not so much.
I got up early and did some stuff, then went back to bed because I could. I'm a slug.
Going to Tn. tomorrow to help Annie do some painting, and planning my life from there.
I have seriously been thinking about shit lately, and maybe it is time for me to make a real change and get the hell outta here.
The only interviews I've had are for the same job, just different companies vying for the contract, and that doesn't seem to be going too well for any of us.

The reasons I was staying here aren't really valid reasons anymore, it just took me a long time to figure that out. So....We shall see what happens.

Lucy is going home

That's temporary, but still not a good idea from here. I'm not happy about it, but there it is.
I have nothing else to say.

So It is

I have a job, sorta. Cotingent upon my passing a background, drug, and security clearance check. Not a problem. Their side is, contingent on award. Damn N@S@.
Does my ego good to know I'm wanted, but doesn't do shit for my wallet.
Still looking for a non-guvment job, but minimum wage is the same as sitting on my ass drawing pennies. I see the shine now.
I still have nightmares about the old job, and that just really pisses me off.

I think I should sleep now.

Gray

I've been bitching at Lucy, I had 2 visible gray hairs on the top of my head. I was ok with that, they were quirky, added character, but hid most of the time. Now I have about a dozen and I'm blaming every one of them on her.
I need to go to bed, but I'm not sleepy, and I need to rest, but I've been looking for a job again and it's scary. I think I'll take my new gray and become a Wal-Hell greeter if they'll have me; it's that bad.
Yeah, sleep would be a good thing about now. Later kids.

Yeah, I'm up too late

Got up early, washed windows, and headed out to Armpit. I did stuff at Mom's while she and Lucy hung out, and really? I walked out on the porch and for real, Mom is telling Lucy the optimal way to kill yourself. I finished my cigarette and went back in the house before I learned something.
We went out and watched Spawn play soccer, he's pretty good. His team is undefeated so far even tho they scored one for the other team tonight. Kindergarten, still young, but damn he's growing.
Lucy unwrapped his new sword, he handed it to me so we could fight and she got mad that SHE opened it and I was was the one that got to play with it. I told her it's because it's a guy thing LOL. He's got that part down.
I think it might be time to get some sleep. Later kids.

Gnomes and Stuff

Moved Gnome furniture today, it made her happy.
Went to an Open House yesterday and interviewed for the same damn job I interviewed for a couple of months ago. NASA is apparently shopping contractors. At least it was an ego boost, and I'm still qualified for it if it ever becomes available........
Then off to The Asshole's house for the ballgame that I really gave a shit about, but there was food and stuff. I made Mr. Asshole's dip since he was out golfing all day, it was cool. Darts, Wii bowling, and hopes of hashbrowns that were dashed so I slept, then took my hangover to The Gnome's house. At least I got to see the dog. He still loves me.
Off to sleep some more now because I can. Or maybe play on facebook until an ungodly hour of the morning. Hmmmm, decisions, decisions.

Jobs......

Not so many of them these days. I think I fumble fingered my way out of one today too. Dammit. Fucking phone.
I'm also having my first period in 5 months and Wolverine Hair. I'm not a happy camper obviously.

Going to update my facebook with that wolverine pic and put my ass in bed.
Later kids.

Things Happen for a Reason

That's my Mom's take on life anyway. I'm trying to use that philosophy for I've been available for things I wouldn't otherwise have been available for.
Besides Lucy, it looks like I may be having a cat. I swore I would never have another, but there it is...

It's Me, it's Me, It's Ernest T

I forgot.
I did tell a friend that Lucy had a breakdown. That friend can actually be trusted. I didn't tell her all of it, but I think she gets it. I need an excuse for Lucy being here all the time lately, and she'll help me fashion one. She's in sales...

I'm all over some jobs, but they ain't all over me so....

Cashed in the 401k today since it wasn't that much anyway. It'll pay the bills for a couple of months while we both try to find someone who thinks we're special. Besides our Mom's I mean.

My wit is apparently sleeping with my sense of humor tonight because I can't seem to find either. We'll try that later.
NIGHT kids.

Unemployment has Gotten Really Old

I need a little structure. My schedule is completely screwed, as you can tell since I'm writing this at 2 a.m. I either sleep too much or not enough, but I'm definitely drinking too much. I'm gaining weight between that and actually eating these days since I cook more, and with Lucy here, there is definitely more cooking going on. She enjoys doing that.
If I'm not helping the other gnome move furniture all day tomorrow there will be more job shopping, and giving up on the specialty shit. I'm ready to take anything that's a job because this beach bum attitude is not good for me. Especially since there's no beach in sight and I don't have any Hawaiian shirts. Must go to bed since I may actually be moving gnome furniture tomorrow. Night kids.

So I Went Out Back To Smoke...

Lucy was in the front, so I went out on the deck to smoke. I haven't been out there much lately. Tonight wasn't pretty. I know it's been 2 months but I miss Handsome so much when I go out there. I'll learn, but not yet.

Lucy is....I'm not sure yet. She's sleeping and eating better, but still not 100%. I'm still day to day with that, hoping she'll feel better soon because I don't know what to do other than what I'm doing right now. She's safe, sheltered, and loved, and I'm trying to talk to her about stopping some of the worry about things she can't fix. I'm not the best person for this job, but I'm trying.
And on that note, I think I'll go do something mindless for a bit, smoke outside with my kitties, and put my ass in bed. Night kids.

So It Wasn't A Jailbreak

It just turned into a kidnapping. Lucy actually thought I was taking her to her house. Her sister and I decided that wasn't a good idea, so she's hanging out at Casa Wolf for awhile.
She doesn't remember any of last week, and very little of the first day at her new digs, which may be a blessing. She's getting less blurry tonight, and didn't really mind being kidnapped so I'm good so far. I'm off to bed because it was a long drive to collect her ass. Although it was fun when I turned off the interstate and she thought I was making good on that threat to take her down a Tn backroad and beat her ass lol.
Off to bed. Later.

Gonna Ramnble SO....

Today is sister's birthday. She would have been 43. Hell, she was 43 mentally when she died so I probably didn't miss much except all those years and all those kids she would have had. I still miss her though.
Anyway, just another day in the life. Lucy said she's getting outta lockup tomorrow, her sis knows nothing about this, so I may be being played. Waiting for morning to find out, because if I'm driving all that way to bust her out? I'll kill her before we get very far.

I'm apparently not well, and not finding a job is working on me to the point where I just really, really don't care anymore. I stay up all night and sleep most of the day when I can. I got up at lunch today after crashing around 5am to help Annie do stupid shit that I normally wouldn't do.

I think I need to give up and get some sleep now just because I can. Oh shit, my mother called earlier. I need to check in. That should be fun.
Later kids.

Sunday Afternoon with Lucy

Saw her today. She's good, and not, and her sister is crazy too so I'm just sitting here going WTF. I should clarify the sister. She's into holistic stuff and not using real doctors and she thinks her friends can heal Lucy and I'm all "bullshit" but keeping my mouth shut so... It was that kinda day.
Lucy was more animated and healthy looking than I've seen her in a long time, but also scheming a way to get out of there, and still more just sitting here going WTF.
And I forget she'll read this whenever she gets out, but she'll agree with what I've said so far so ok.
I told her to call my mom, I didn't know mom was gonna rip her, but oh well. She deserved it anyway.

I need to put ass in bed because I've got to get back on some kind of regular schedule. In case a job calls and all ya know? Not that it's looking likely, but one can hope.
Later.

Latest and Greatest

I still don't know shit. Lucy is in a good place for her right now. I've talked to her and she sounds good, but I've also talked to other people, and it's not gonna be good when she gets out so she's gonna end up back in the same situation which isn't good. Horns of a dilemma anyone?
She's gonna come home to the same shit that sent her over the edge because they're sitting there waiting for her to get home and take care of shit because they can't be bothered.
I think I'll shut up now. If my mother ripping you a new one doesn't phase you, nothing will. And yes, she's done that a couple of times in the last few days.

I don't understand that mentality, but anyway.
Later.

so.....

I saw Lucy today and actually made her laugh a few times. Got a text later from her sis that they were moving her so I won't be able to see or talk to her for a few days.
Maybe that's best for everyone, she'll be out of the loop for a bit so hubby will have to fend for himself. Not really a sore spot, but it is, Lucy has taken care of everyone for so long, it's not good. Maybe she'll take care of herself for awhile.

Off to bed because I have to. Hopefully a job will show up tomorrow. Later kids.

So There It Is

This place is usually all about me, and it still is, but Lucy is worrying me. Seriously. She did a shitload of stupidity yesterday. She's been talking about things for awhile, but of course none of us thought she would actually go there. She did. Looked like it would be ok yesterday so I came home, and now I'm not so sure.
Her husband is calling to keep me in the loop mainly because he wants to know what I know, and her sister doesn't really want him to know that, she's keeping me in the loop because she thinks I can help Lucy, and I'm just WTF over all of it.
Lucy called me yesterday crying, and semi-coherent. I finally got out of her that she was wanting to check out and she'd done shit. She got incoherent after I'd called her Sis to check on her.
She's still in ICU in a podunk hospital. I'll be visiting podunk hospital tomorrow since her sister told me she's not better. She was supposed to be ok by today from what they told me yesterday.
Will keep you posted.

Stuff I Can Put Here but Nowhere Else

Lucy went with me and Dad to Tunica. We had a good time. She called me this morning several times before I finally called her back because I was all about that sleeping thing, it was raining and I was trying to catch up.
She did something supremely stupid so I called her sister and met them at the hospital. She's ok, and there is a line forming to kick her ass. And now I get to kick it twice since her husband just called asking me if I had something to do with it. I can't tell him, "No, it's you" so I played nice and here I am.
I think I'll go find some more of that sleep I've been looking for. Send up a good thought for Lucy, she's having a hard time.

Been Slacking

I Caught the big fish, saw Charlie Daniels with Dad, and won and lost a bunch of money. It was a good week.

I had a novel in the making earlier, but of course that's like everything else, it goes up in smoke. I can't remember my name for more than a minute right now, and I can't spell either, and dammit, I can spell. I'm tired of this shit, I think I'll go sleep for a couple of days since I was wide awake all the time Dad was all over the road and I was losing money gambling. I'm tired.

Later.

I had a point

Facebook is pissing me off, as it is everyone else in the Universe.
I didn't make visitation today, I think she understands.

Mom has pissed off everyone, including Lucy which is tatamount to at least an OMG.
My fault still, but anyway.
I still have no job, I'm still looking, but talking to people..........geeeze.
I should give up and run away while I can.

Going to sleep now since I can do that really well. Later kids.

De-sensitized?

I'm tired. Shit has been said about the last thing, and I think I'll skip the whole thing. She'd understand. I don't want fake people around when I die. Dammit you better actually care about me if you show up.
Today was useless, and tonight Annie was crazy and I was the gatekeeper for most of that so I dunno.
Talked to my brother, since he showed up late. We argued politics for a bit because he likes to and I don't care most of the time. He said it sounded like I did have the job that's on hold, but since it's on hold I should be looking. Great.

Gotta get Annie out of here in the morning so I can have the house to myself for a few days. I need to lie around in my underwear for a day or so just because.
It's hard to have a pity party with someone else around.

Think I'll play here for a minute and take my ass to bed. I don't even have the energy for Wii tonight.

Especially Sensitive? I dunno

Think I may be a tad, but shit y'all. Got a phone call today, a former co-worker hanged herself this weekend. I don't know any details other than she'd been laid off, was called back to work at some point, so I don't know what the hell happened that caused all this.
I've got to go to the funeral home because I've known her forever, and know her family but I really don't want to see any of those other people there so that bothers me too.
She was a nice person. I didn't see her all the time, and she could get on my last nerve, pretty much like everyone else I know, but she was sweet, and I really hate it she felt this was her only option.
Off to do something mindless for awhile and hit the bed since job-shopping is even more depressing. Later.

I Got Up at The Buttcrack of Dawn for This?

Alarm set for 5, got up at 5:30. Threw biscuits in the toaster oven, put shit in the yard, and took off to put up signs saying "We're having a yardsale dammit."
Kinda ate, had some coffee Annie made that put dark curlies on my chest, and waited for the masses. They failed to materialize. I guess they didn't get the memo.
Waiting for Ms. Sweet to have one and take out an ad saying we have BOOKS, AND BOOKS, and other stuff. Disappointing day to say the least. I'm just happy I sold that snuggie my dad thought I needed. Really?
Other things, Lucy and I hung out with Little Shit since his mom is out of town. Wendy's really sucked ass tonight, but it was food, and Mr. Shit didn't care, he got me time. Home, Annie is gone, Lucy has crashed, and I'm probably not far behind. My non-existent ass is dragging.
Later.

SO.... It's like this

Woke up early, primed Annie with a biscuit and we got shit done at The Asshole's house. It's pretty.
Played trivia with Mr. Cool while Annie did other shit and met The Assholes for dinner. 3rd again, but that's still in the money so I'm good with it.
Finally got an e-mail saying the job was a job, but...........
I'm delayed until the guvment gets their shit together basically. FUCKERS.
Anyway, back to looking.
Mom is mad at me because I haven't been there, haven't called and all that. And it wouldn't matter if I called every day.
She sinks into depression but she doesn't understand when other people do. I've been in the pit for a long time now. My light was this job, I was told "Yes, you know your shit". Not in those words, but you know what I mean.
Asshole from last job made me feel so inept I was worried, I thought maybe I didn't really know my shit.
I'm better, stronger, faster now. And Dammit, people like me.

Maybe Looking Up

I applied for a job yesterday (several actually) and got a call back. Short phone interview, another phone interview set up for this morning. Apparently I'm not as dumb as I thought, interviewer said I knew my shit, without putting it that way, and now I'm in the hands of the hiring manager. Fingers crossed I get a call back tomorrow.
Worked on The Asshole's yard today since that's still something to do, got yardsale stuff to finish getting together and running out of time, but I'm not going to the shed in the dark and rain to pull boxes out tonight. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Or wait till the last minute like I usually do anyway. Think I'll crash early tonight since I have things to do tomorrow. Later kids.

So it's later...

I'm still working on the book. Floors are mopped, Lucy hates me, and I'm just in a generally foul mood. I should sleep, but that seems to be elusive right now too.
I wore one of my free shirts today and since it actually fits, I realized I look sickly. I know I've lost weight, but catching sight of myself in the mirror was kinda "Whoa Shit" for a second. That's not good since I have no insurance anymore either.
I've never been without a job this long, it's kinda scary. I'm not destitute yet, and won't be if my parents have anything to do with it, but I don't want to depend on them either. I applied for jobs where my friend is, will tell her in the morning (later today) to get my apps pulled and see where it goes I guess. And I think now I'll finish the book and put my ass in bed. She Wore A Yellow Ribbon is coming on. Love that movie.

Sundays are Hard

I don't know if it's because Lucy leaves on Sunday or a little bit of everything else, but I don't really like them anymore. Today was really bad, I guess the anniversary made it worse. I just want to sit in the corner and cry, and that's not going to help anything so here I am.
Annie is out of town so I'm home alone again which also doesn't help anything. At least with her here I have some human interaction. Mostly her bitching at me about job hunting, but still, that's something. A friend jumped me yesterday about applying (again) where she could at least get me interviewed. I did, but I don't expect much from it. My self-esteem is in the toilet too. Oh well.
I have a book I was all into a little while ago and now have no desire to finish so I think I'll mop floors and do something else for awhile.
Later.

Trivia Night again

So, Annie didn't leave town. We managed. She worked on her stuff and I got most of my list done. Yard mowed, laundry done, various other tasks accomplished. I have clean sheets, clean room and clean clothes.
Played trivia with Mr. Cool and The Assholes, and Annie. Finished in the top 3 so all good.
Yard Sale is coming up. I'm looking at getting rid of everything I can't, don't, or won't use because really? I have entirely too much shit.
Other than that, I think I'm done for the night. I actually didn't get much sleep after staying up half the night last night.
Things pending....
Job front is not looking good for either of us at the moment so it's about to get scary around here. Another reason to have all my shit gone so I can bail and run away at a moment's notice. Thoughts and stuff.
Must call Lucy. Later kids.

Getting tired of myself

Did yardwork here and somewhere else today. Yay. Need to do some more here. Annie is going out of town tomorrow so that helps. Spent the last couple of days doing nothing since it was raining.
Even Prince can't seem to cheer me up tonight so I think I'll see if I can sleep. Facebook has pissed me off, being out and about has pissed me off and life in general isn't working out too well. Yep, see what I mean with the title?
Later.

Shit Learned, and then some

So the power went off for a bit. Not a big deal. We've been there, done that. Difference was I dragged Annie to Offal House, at almost midnight. She went willingly.
I'm pissed the girl who cashed me out made a comment about the tip I left. She didn't wait on me. The one who did was cleaning the table where I'd left some cash on top of the tip I put on the card, so I'm tempted to call and bitch because I can.
Not cool.
4 on 20 when there wasn't much going on? Not bad. So fuck you lady.

I went back to bed this morning and had some of those dreams. I felt one of my cats climbing on me, so they both visited my dreams. It was nice to see them again. They're missed.
I've been a slug today. Mrs. Asshole sent me a text this morning, we went over there and I tried a mussel. No, I don't like. That's done. Had ribs and corn, yes, I do like. Now taking my ass to bed because I can, and only had one cup of coffee while I was out, so that 4 bucks was actually too much.
Later kids.

I'm a big Pussy

Last night I slept with ice on my shoulder because I apparently pulled something while digging up stumps, pretending my ribs weren't hurt. Today my ribs hurt. Yes, they are bruised, and Lucy and I will talk about that later. I've applied for several jobs and nothing is happening so...... I'm getting scared.

Gonna go to bed soon with more ice and hope I don't have bad dreams again. Night kids.