Babysitting

Lucy and I went to Armpit last night, where we cooked dinner, after I almost made a human torch of myself, hung out with Baby Sis, and they watched a scary movie. I went to the kitchen after 5 minutes, not my thing. I did scare myself, reading Lucy's magazines since I didn't think to bring a book, then I went out there in the dark, with millions of stars, (I don't see that around here) and hearing them yelling "Oh Shit" while watching the movie, I smoked and ran my ass back in. Bitches.
Spawn walked in on Lucy changing clothes, I told him not to, it would traumatize him, he ran from her ginormous boobs, really ran, all the way through the house. Poor baby.

Baby Sis had to work so we took care of The Spawn until Grannie and Papaw got home.
Spawn cooperated and slept so we could see "Notes on a Scandal". Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, excellent movie, and Lucy couldn't throw anything at me during the bath scene since Spawn was sleeping on her boobage that scared him the night before, with a hand on one and his head on the other. Apparently he does have priorities. He's fucking awesome, I'm sure I won't be saying that when he's older, but right now, oh yeah.
Gonna have to kill Lucy to get her to behave, or get her a better Dr. Hmmmm, new idea.

Completely Irresponsible

I was that today.
I slept in, about the time I headed to work Annie called and said I should just take the day since they were all leaving early anyway, and did I want to meet her at fridays for lunch. I did, and proceeded to spend the afternoon there.
I went to The Dive, everyone else showed up, Lucy brought me home since I was too drunk to function.
It just felt good to be totally stupid for a change. No worries, it was like being a kid again.
I haven't done this in way too long.
I just mooned Lucy and heard "What are those?" I looked to make sure I hadn't grown balls, only to find out she was looking at her pill stash rather than me. Bitch.
I'll be taking my 5 yr old ass to bed soon. Ya'll have a good night.

All my shit

Net radio will survive or not without me, Lucy has been given a longer sentence by the Dr, not me.
I'm surprised she hasn't called me yet since The Princess was sending her pics of me with white stuff on my face, after a blowjob (shot, not the real thing) hello, I forgot how to do that years ago.
I kind of made up with the asshole at The Dive, his wife wanted me to anyway, he's still an asshole, but we threw darts with them and played nice just because. I'm home, drunk, tired, and waiting for Lucy to call so I can go to bed.
All done, outta here.

My 4th

The Handsome Devil woke me early because he needed to relieve himself, (of my patience it seems) Bitch just wanted to be fed.
The Princess started texting about 8:30, he wanted to relieve himself of a few bucks by going to breakfast. Showered, shaved and full an hour later I came home and put on my really butch clothes to mow the back yard. I looked at the knee-high dead grass and decided it was miserable enough, I duct-taped the hole in the soakerhose in the garden, didn't work, tied up some tomatoes since they threatened me, said fuckitall and hit the couch for the Twilight Zone marathon.
I napped a bit, showered and met The Widow for dinner. We had a great time, our waitress sat with us pretty much the whole time since she had nothing else to do.
The Widow followed me to The Dive to throw some darts, won a couple of games, had a good time (which was the intention) and we both got home. Not a bad day.
I go back to Hell tomorrow.
At least I can run around naked tonight since Annie is still out of town, nah, it's not a full moon, not the same.
Have a good night kids:)

Uh Huh

Now we know where Syd is

Stood Up & stuff, you know how I am

The Princess was working late so I went to friday's for a bit to pick up The Dirty Old Man for a game of darts. (Annie is out of town and Lucy is staying home until Friday.) I got him, someone I haven't seen in forever and The Widow. She became a widow this time last year so it's not terribly pleasant for her right now. She and I have a dinner date tomorrow at Hooters. I'm glad I stopped in there. Have I told you how much I love this woman? She is awesomness squared. I was surprised she didn't have plans, someone usually makes sure she has plans, the boys fell down on the job this time. Anyway, back to stood up in a long roundabout way. hehe
I go to The Dive, attract other people cuz I'm just that way yo. The Dirty Old Man finally shows up, 30 minutes after he said he'd be there. He beats my ass, I beat his, it's starting to look like kinky wrestlemania, I finally win the last game. Yay me. I have a craving for green beans, dunno why. It's 8:00, still no Princess, text him I'm coming home, where I have a hotdog and green beans for dinner, excellent.
Now, I've been accosted by ugly brown bugs while going out to smoke, spilled nasty plant water on my shoes, put everything in to wash, and might just possibly go to bed soon. Big night home alone for me I tell ya.

R.I.P. Beverly Sills

I lived through the garbage. I might as well dine on the caviar.
Beverly Sills

I only have myself to blame

I innocently checked a local news site's comments after seeing an article about a new bar opening that I'll be interested in.
I read the lonely homophobic comment, and went on my way.......then I saw a reference to something else that I feel strongly about, re: the place I work,the person who I agree with got bashed by idiots.
And right there was the Hate Crime Law. I had to stop reading pretty quick.
I don't pay attention to my local news becuase the weather is always wrong and I really don't care that Billy Bob blew himself up with a bottlerocket.
Seeing what the people who watch this shit say has opened my eyes again to the stupidity and homophobia that seem to run rampant around here. I'm lucky I'm not a victim of it, I live in a big place for here, with lots of people who are very open-minded, sometimes I forget those other people are out there. I guess I should pay more attention.
I'm lucky I'm allowed to live my life pretty much away from that shit, I'm sad a lot of people aren't.
I hate people.

Pics

Lucy's cock


Princess' shirt


Lucy's purse

She informed me she should have carried this one to the concert since I bitched about the other one.

Too much fun

Annie accused me and Lucy of having too much fun. I've got a camera full of stupidity, so I guess we were. I'll share selected photos tomorrow since Lucy is not happy with me for some of them anyway lol. Lucy is gettin all up in my business now, she said this (if any of those pics show up in blog land you will never hear from rainbow again..lucy)
Yeah, right. Now she's throwing cock at me, Poppycock I mean, you haven't seen that pic yet either. It's past my bedtime, but I'll probably still stay up, ya'll have a good night, I'm gonna harrass Lucy some more. Obviously, she's much better.

Fucking bird

We went to breakfast with The Princess early this morning, I got bombed on the way to the car. Came back and I loaded up the jeep to take cans to the recycling center, Bitch was all over me everytime I turned around.
I've been trying to get a pic of her dancing on the Jeep all day since that's her way of taunting me, fucker. She disappears as soon as I pick up the camera. I'm also keeping a water pistol on the porch so that will be the shooting.
No, I'm not going to kill the bird, she's cheap entertainment, even at my expense.
She's also caused me to use the phrase "I'll go mockingbird on your ass" to Lucy a couple of times, and she got Annie this afternoon, hehehe.

To kill a mockingbird

Yep, it's about to happen. There will be one less fucking smart-ass bird in the 'hood. Unlike Annie I can shoot.
I got a flyby when I went out to smoke, then she perched on a limb bitching at me, I told her not to shit on my car, PLOP. Yes, I parked in the yard, shutup. Annie and Lucy took up all the space my truck on blocks wasn't occupying.
She doesn't bother Annie or Lucy, as evidenced by me standing on the porch waiting for them to get their old asses up the sidewalk, bitching about the bird, when I got another flyby, they almost pissed themselves laughing.
I wonder if it tastes like chicken?

Dear Texas

I'm so very sorry for your continued rainfall, a lot of that was supposed to move East, really. I got tennis elbow in that match with Satan a couple of months ago and got put in a sling, therefore I can't swing my arm over that way to share the wealth of water with the rest of the world. This explains why Alabama is withering up and dying from drought. (Like anybody would miss those redneck assholes anyway.)
Sincerely,
GOD

Now I've stayed out too late

It was steak night at The Dive. 7 bucks buys salad, steak, taters, and texas toast. We had dinner there.
Annie beat the shit outta me at darts and went home about the time The Princess and his entourage showed up. I stayed. Dumbass.
I did make it home with the T-Shirt someone wanted The Princess to have. Just so he can have it later, after I wear it to work tomorrow since I didn't iron. 2 birds on a limb, underneath it says "Swallows". I'm sure it's referring to the birds.
I need to take some pictures, but I'm too damn lazy at the moment. I need to get up early tomorrow and dress badly. Hopefully I'll have the presence of mind to shave or wear pants, geeeze. If not, I'll take pics of that too when I remember.
I think I'll take my stupid ass to bed. Ya'll have a good night.

I got up too early

I'm going to have to give up this coming to work early shit. About the time I realized I haven't shaved my legs since Saturday (just call me Yeti) and why in the hell am I wearing shorts? I also noticed these aren't the shorts I thought I put on. Now I'll have to iron again since this was the only shirt that matched the other shorts this morning. As long as I'm bitching, I also have heartburn from hell and pantyliner issues. I have however gotten a lot of work done today. Now I'm going to have a smoke and surf until time to go home.
Later kids.

Well THAT was awkward

Let’s see if I can make this relatively short. Annie and I met The Ladies and The Widow for a drink after work. We were having a great time when That Woman came in. It’s hard to explain without going into great detail, so long story short, friend for a number of years, married when we met her, started getting divorced, went back to crackhead crazy husband after he caused all of us a bunch of grief. Yeah, not good. She disappeared for quite awhile after they got back together, apparently they’ve split again, she’s out, he’s stalking her, same old shit.
We’re polite, if she hadn’t picked crackhead over the people trying to help her I would still call her a friend, but I digress. She sat next to me, we chatted, it was cool.
The Widow left, I think she already had plans anyway, no biggie. This left a seat open next to Annie, but I’m sitting around the corner with That Woman and don’t want to be obviously rude so I stay where I am, I’m planning to leave soon anyway.
Annie’s friend shows up. She works with That Woman, they were close also, now not at all. That Woman introduced Annie to her friend, I was sitting in the middle of “I don’t want to be here.”
It’s not really so much her either, it’s the crackhead stalker, he’s bound to show up wherever she is and we’re pretty much over all that.
Hell, I can’t even make sense sober, I give up.

Imagine that

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

shit (17x) ass (11x) hell (7x) fucking (6x) bitch (4x) pissed (3x) lesbian (2x) zombie (1x)

Zombie???

Lifted from Boobies and Beer

The highlight of my otherwise shitty day

Lucy and I were at The Dive. I went to the restroom. The bartender went over to see her and asked if she wanted his tongue in her panties. (It's a drink, get your mind outta the gutter), she explained that she wasn't drinking, they apparently had quite the chat while I was MIA.
She fucked up when she told me about it after I got back. I'd already cashed out, was kicking her ass at darts, I decided I needed another beer.
I asked him for a beer, and then told him I thought he owed me that one since he was flirting with my g/f while I was in the bathroom. I think he said "EEEP". He did nod, and yes I tipped him anyway.
Yeah, Lucy is bitching that I used her, hello, she brought it on herself.

I also realized that I'm shooting myself in the foot, Lucy isn't getting laid for 26 more days, that means I'm not either. We may have to buy me a hooker. No wonder I'm grouchy.

Dog food

I went out after work yesterday because, well just becuase. Lucy and I made up in text messaging while I was out. She called to ask about making tacos, we had hamburger in the freezer, nope, over them.
I got home, fried some taters with onions and peppers, cooked hamburger, threw it all together with some stewed tomatoes, tastes good, looks like Alpo.
That was dinner tonight too since we spent the afternoon with The Princess. Leftovers aren't bad.
I still think Lucy is lying about liking it, but oh well, it's pretty tasty to me so I'll get over it.
I realized after re-reading the Atlanta post, I'm the one that's no fun. I'll get the stick outta my ass, or get something for the pms anyway, geeeze.

Our motley crew

Queen, Ms Fox, Princess, Annie, Me

Queen, Princess, Annie, Me, the one who asked not to be named (I think you can figure out who it is.)

Oh what a night

The Princess and Queen waving from the bathroom at a local bar. Shitty cell phone pic, I'll get real pics from Ms. Fox so ya'll can see what a raggedy bunch we are.
A synopsis if you're interested. The trip there wasn't too bad other than our drivers trying to kill us. Princess and Queen were hung over since they spent most of Wed night at the tittie bar. I don't understand why gay men would go there, but whatever. The Queen slept most of the way, it was fairly quiet. After we got to the not at all glamorous motel and checked in, it was time to change and head out to the boy's bar where the picture was taken. It was a nice place, food was good, I liked. Queen really wanted to stay there, so we were late heading to the concert, got stuck in traffic, oh well, shit happens.
We completely missed Dresden Dolls, caught just a bit of Deborah Harry. Lucy had to get down a bunch of stairs before finding out there was an easier way, there was a whole bunch of walking for her, her knee reflects that today dammit. Oh, and I was behind her carrying her big fucking ugly green canvas purse holding everything we owned. Dammit.
If you were there and saw a dyke in a ballcap, walking behind a cripple, carrying a big fucking ugly green canvas purse, that was me. Nice to meetcha.
Overall, had a great time, Erasure was good, Margaret Cho kicked ass, and Cyndi Lauper, well, it's Cyndi...Lucy and I left for the car a bit early also to hit the bathroom and get to the car before the crowd, we could still hear, just couldn't see.
That's about the time it all went to shit.
The Princess showed up at the car all pissed off, he and The Queen had a fight. It was a bit hard to take him too seriously in his rainbow boa, but anyway. Finally everyone else is there and we go back to the motel. The Queen is chattering non-stop and The Princess is cutting him down, I just wanted to go to bed. Oh hell no.
Ms. Fox and Annie walk over to breakfast, the boys have suddenly made up and want to go to the male tittie bar (we'll call it that anyway), Lucy volunteers to drive them, I go along as bodyguard.
I finally get to bed, after saying something really insensitive to Lucy because I'm tired and pissed off and, yeah, no excuse. She was mad at me all day, as well she should have been.
We got up early to get the hell home, but couldn't get the other kids up. Ms. Fox was in the room with the boys. Finally all get together and in the car, that's where we find out The Princess was up all night because he brought a beau home. Well that's what he called him anyway.
I heard more than I ever wanted to today about penises (peni?).
Long, long story short, and lot's of talk about non-short appendages, we finally get to our meeting point and go our separate ways.
We got home about 1pm. Annie's phone started ringing not too long after. Hell didn't blow up while we were gone, but the network went down. I had to go to work. I was just about to have a nap too.
Sorry it wasn't very brief, I did have fun, there was just way too much drama involved for my tired old ass.

Going travelling

We're off to the big city tomorrow. I'm packed, clean drawers, shirt, toothbrush and deodorant. Oh yeah, and a cooler full of beer. The girls have pared down to 2 outfits, makeup, sleepwear, hair stuff and booze I'm apparently supposed to put in other bottles for them. Oh yeah, and a whole other bag for snacks. One is asleep and the other is immobile so I guess I'll take care of it. Geeze After all, I DID make them decide on dinner since I wasn't cooking, I had ironing to do. I'm sure I'll have a good time, if not, at least I'll be away from work for a bit. See ya'll Friday night.

I've only been here an hour?

So far I've had
1. I can't get my e-mail. (Network cable was unplugged)
2. My keyboard doesn't work. (Swapped keyboard, nope, restarted computer, VOILA!)
3. I can't print. (Printer was out of paper)
4. I need a new computer, I lost my reports when it froze up yesterday. (This is her solution to everything, one thing goes wrong and she needs a new one.)
The place is liable to blow up Friday when Annie and I are both gone.

Pissy, PMSing Pussy

My extra large appetite at lunch today was a clue, but I thought "Surely it's not time for this shit again already." Getting seriously mad at Annie about nothing as we were leaving The Dive was the 2nd clue, I was still in denial. When I got home and Betty brought me "A Gift" I was pissed at her for killing something but doing ok until she dropped it. It wasn't dead, just broken beyond repair and I burst into tears because I couldn't bring myself to kill it. I put it in the vacant yard next door, Annie went over there, I didn't ask.
I think I need to take Ms. Threadgoode's advice from Fried Green Tomatoes and "Get you some of them hormones honey." I just don't do medication well, most of the time the side-effects are worse than just being me. We shall see.

Self analysing, I think part of the problem is between work and everything else, I'm a tiny bit more stressed than usual lately. Taking care of Lucy on weekends, last few weekends with family, love them to death, but travel time and go, go, go takes it's toll. Also we're going to Atlanta Thursday with The Princess, Queen and Ms. Fox, all in the same car because The Princess kept on and on about that. I'm not real happy about THAT part of the arrangement because as much as I love them, he and The Queen get on my nerves, they have those names for a reason. I'm pretty much stuck because Lucy wants to ride with them and Annie agreed too since Lucy thinks it'll be ok. If it wouldn't cause an international incident I'd stay home and let them all go, but that won't fly.
Ok, I'll quit whining now. I'm sure I'll be fine. Ya'll have a good night, and my apologies to the people who have had too much rain regarding the last post. Ya'll have been getting our share of the wet stuff.

WOO HOO!

Wal-Hell ditches blue vests

"The vest is being retired and replaced with this dress-code look that actually has our customers saying that they can see our associates more prominently in the stores," said Celia Swanson, of Wal-Mart. They're going to Polos and khakis.
The few times I go there, I just look for the woman NOT wearing a halter top and sweat pants (both too tight), or the guy NOT wearing an "I'd Rather Be Fishin" ballcap and or, hairy beergut/buttcrack hanging out.
I don't know why they're changing.

Father's Day

I was a good girl, I went to see Dad and stepmom, both doing quite well thanks. Then off to see Mom and stepdad, also quite well. Baby Sis and The Spawn were an added bonus there. Lucy travelled pretty well considering we were in the Jeep and it was 5000 degrees out today and it's an hour to Dad's with another 20 minutes to Mom's and an hour back home.
It rained in Armpit today, just enough to piss me off, but it was still rain. When it started I moved the Jeep under the big oak tree to offer a little protection, the top was up but all the windows were out, just to see if it was really going to do anything. The wind whipped up and the rain started coming down like it might finally come a real live storm or something. By the time I got all the windows back in, it quit. Fucking weather.
Anyway, we all had a great day. The Spawn is still fucking adorable and of course I forgot my camera again, so I'll have to get the pics of him driving the Jeep from Mom next time I'm there.
Sounds like Lucy is snoozing on the couch, think I'll wake her up so she can go to bed, she's behind on her Bitch quota for the day, she doesn't use that language around my parents. Hope ya'll had a good day.

Cantaloupe

Lucy brought one last week. I told Annie she needed to do something with it since it was fading and I don't eat those.
It was still here tonight, Lucy said it needed to be thrown out, I told her "I know, it looks like a zombie sucked it's brain out." I also asked if that was what happened to her. Bad move.
Threw the cantaloupe in the trash, Lucy is still here. I'm still alive for the moment. I'll keep you posted.

My Saturday

I got up early (Hey, 9:30 is early for Saturday)made coffee, got Annie on the road to visit the folks, put Lucy on the couch with an ice pack on her knee and got some shit done. Jeep is clean and nekkid, and the radio works, even tho I was standing on my head in it to find the fuse, I got there. I cleaned up and went for a haircut where I got scalped, but it feels better so I don't give a shit right now. Lucy and I hit friday's to visit The Princess because he was supposedly there, he wasn't, we had an appetizer while we waited for him to show up then we went to The Dive.
The Cripple, The Princess and Yogi Berra's grandson's ex son-in-law's step-nephew once removed kicked my ass at darts. I still had a good time.
Lucy and I headed out, my plan was to drop her at home and put her on the couch while I went to the grocery store for dinner stuff. Oh Hell No, she had to go with me. Fine. She gets in one of the motorized carts... I tell her to back up to her left, "Noooo, your other left!" Nevermind. It looked like bumper cars. We finally get her going and get everything we need, YAY! She asked if I was gonna drive it back to the store from the lot (I was 50 feet from the door) "Yep, I'll take care of it." We unload the cart and she gets back on her crutch and says "Let's see you drive it Missy." I do a 180 in reverse and try for a wheelie, but not enough power, or too much ass, whichever. I was called a smartass before I drove back and plugged that piece of shit up.
We managed to get home and I put her back on the couch while I grilled burgers and fixings, dinner was pretty good.

Okey Dokey

A cushion that plugs into your USB port and blows air up your ass. Hmmmm. This is the website if you're interested.

Fuckers

Don't give me this shit, I don't want to see raindrops when the chance is 20%. 20% is a chance that Hell will freeze over today. Of course since Hell seems to be in Alabama right now, I should hope for it.
Fuckers.

The Queen has a birthday

Yes, our friend The Queen will be another year older in about 52 minutes. He celebrated tonight since he doesn't have to work tomorrow (bitch) but does have to work Saturday.
We met him and about 52 of his closest friends at a place we usually don't go, a very nice place btw, I will go back. Princess told us they would be at The Dive by 9pm, Annie and I both said, nope, too late for us....famous last words...We were at the other place till 8:30, then The Dive, out late for a couple of old ladies.
I need to take my ass to bed, The Queen was living up to his name, he was quite impressed we showed up at someplace other than our usual......big crybaby.
Love you Hon, Happy Birthday.

Stuff you really didn't want to know

I'm sure you don't really care about the state of my bowels, so just stop reading now. It's gonna get ugly.
I had coffee and a honeybun about 10am. I don't usually do either of those things, but I do odd shit at work sometimes. I skipped lunch because, well I was on a sugar high. After work Annie and I met The Princess at The Dive. Long story short, Dirty Old Man showed up too, we threw darts, I finally left about 9pm. My route home takes me by the religiously affiliated college that's having a tent revival right now. I was thinking I really needed to get home when I saw a bunch of taillights. Nope, not good. Thankfully I was behind a police officer so my traffic moved on and I got home in time to not have to worry.
Not out of the woods yet, this brings up the story of the night I WASN'T lucky.
Without getting into too much detail, hopefully. Once upon a time we played cards and had dinner on Sunday nights at a friend's house quite often. One of those nights was the beginning of one of the worst nights of my life. (Loud Music and OMG'S)
Of course it was chili night, I hadn't been feeling well anyway, but must go, always a good time. I got sick, decided it was time to go home because really, I didn't need to be there, and headed out. 5 miles down the road I was thinking about pulling over and using the cooler, it was getting ugly.
I decided I'd be ok, I could get home, with sweat rolling down my face.
Another 2 miles, the first pseudofart sneaked out. Shit! (literally) It was another 8 miles to the house.
I'll save you the rest, I was able to save my boots and my leather jacket, everything else was trashed.
Aren't you glad you read me?

I didn't write this, but definitely could have....

How to Please Your I.T. Department

01. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

02. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

03. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

04. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

05. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

06. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

07. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

08. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

09. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

10. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

11. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

12. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

13. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

14. Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".

15. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

An unusual day

I get calls to come fix this or that all the time at work. No biggie. Noone ever comes to my office except Annie (and she only comes in to hide). Today it was fucking Grand Central Station. WTF? There is a reason I'm hidden in the deep, dark recesses of the place people, leave me alone.
My boss has been in there maybe twice in the 3 years I've lived there, last time she asked me about the lighting, some of the bulbs are out, I like it that way. I told her it was fitting since I was a mushroom, she didn't get it. Yes, she's blonde, I still love her.
Annie left early to get our cable problem at home fixed, we met for darts, and I could not hit the fucking board. It was ugly. I improved after a couple of beers, but she threatened to leave during the first game because I sucked so badly. Part of the problem is my shoulder is shit, I need a shot but I really really hate those, the other is soreness from the physical activity the last couple of weeks, and a whole lot of tired. Speaking of which, I think I'll head to bed. Have a good night.

CRS (Can't Remember Shit)

It's even worse than I thought. One of The Ladies sent a message with The Dirty Old Man for one of us to call her. She wanted to share the fact that the Other lady in the duo got lucky over the weekend. We needed to know this because we placed bets, yes we're pigs. Lucy and I were going to get together with Annie and all send the lucky Lady text messages last night. We forgot. I'm also pretty sure there's something I'm supposed to be doing right now besides this, but it escapes me....Oh well. Later kids.

Sunday afternoon

I went to work for a couple of hours because I've put off shit all week that needed to be done. It's now done, I feel better.
The girls were actually behaving when I got home, Lucy had ice on her knee and Annie was outside persuing her crusade against the hedges.
The Dirty Old Man called not long after I got here, he was back in town with seafood from the Gulf, I had ordered some shrimp. Lucy and I met him at The Dive after I re-cleaned up since I was nasty from work. The cripple kicked my ass at darts, twice. Annie called to say she missed us, yeah right, bitch was hungry. We came home to cook dinner. I had salad ready, but they settled into a Queen Latifah movie while I put together a quickie appetizer and grilled taters with onions and peppers, steaks from Nebraska that we had left, and a t-bone that Annie wasn't around for that weekend, along with a couple of pork chops. Dinner was good. I'm cleaning out the freezer in case you can't tell.
Lucy and I just decided we're both senile, we've been needing to ask Annie something, and haven't, forgot to call Babysis till late, we suck.
I'm taking my ass to bed, unfortunately we didn't win the lottery so I must go to work in the morning. Lucy will have to go home to go to therapy so she'll be out of my clutches until Friday, lucky her. I'll make up for it when she gets back. Have a good night kids.

The Ticker

You probably don't really want to know. It's a motivational tool for Lucy, it relates to the health of her knee and when she'll be able to enjoy certain activities.
Yeah, she's not gettin laid till the knee heals up.
I can't get the time to show up, but it's around 5 weeks right now. Poor Lucy.
(She asked me to add that it's because she won't behave herself, well duh. That's why I've been yelling at her to get her ass back on the couch, put the ice on and I'll bring whatever she needs.)
Just so you know I'm not a tyrant, I bought her flowers today because I felt bad about yelling at her. She's just not a good patient, and I'm not a patient caregiver.
Hopefully we'll both survive. I've been called "bitch" a record number of times today.

Shopping :::shudder::::::

Lucy and Annie dragged me out to Costc* today because Annie and I had gift cards from work and we needed to stock up on some things. Fine. I'm not sure how I got volunteered to go, much less drive, but there we are. Lucy is still (supposedly) on crutches, she left 1 in the car, threw the other in the cart, and took off...slowly.
I try to help out by going up ahead and bringing back stuff I know we need, ok, all good we can go now. I hear "NOOOOOO" from both of them. They haven't sampled all the foodstuffs yet. Again, I wonder why I'm along for this ride. An hour later, we're finally done. I take them home and go to the grocery store for everything else.......and both bitches are napping when I get back.

Roly poly's

I'm infested. Well, the front porch is anyway. It rained today for the first time in 2 months, Annie weeded the flowerbed, and now I can't sit outside to smoke cuz there are critters. I'm not happy.

Just because

I suck

I was late to work, I mean reallllly late. I fixed a couple of things that were actually operator error, not my problem. Most of the time I read comics and blogs.
Annie and I met The Widow for drinks after work since we've fallen down on the catching up every couple of weeks at hooter's thing. We will try to get back to that, she's a lovely woman and it's good to spend time with her without everyone else around. We managed to embarrass the bartender, not an easy task, so it was a good time had by all.
Annie's friend was involved in the embarrassment, and she went to throw darts with us. She's cool, we had fun. The girls, Princess and Queen, showed up as she was leaving, we beat them up and left. I need food, but it's too fucking late to eat.
Breakfast will be good.

Shit at the Wolf house

Shit has happened, literally, aren't we proud? I'll cut out the bullshit where I came home and planned to stay, but went back out just because. I threw some darts and came home to cook dinner. I went out to fire up the grill, and there was a turd in the utility room. It was not an "OhShityouscaredme" turd, or an "OHshititstucktomyass" turd, it was a big, "Ihateyouandhopeyoudie" turd. Someone put some time and effort into this baby. Betty or The Handsome Devil left it since it's got blonde hair, duh. I still don't know about that one.
I cook dinner, taters and fish and corn, not bad, thanks for asking.
I borrowed the extension cord from the utility room that usually goes to a fan for the girls so I can see how my fish is cooking, put cord back but don't plug it up when I'm done. A bit later Annie brings me the end of the fan cord, chewed to pieces and still wet with saliva. Bitches. I think we need an intervention, or better dogs.

These make Crocs look good

I really don't want to see anyone wearing these things.

Pet Cemetary and shit

Annie's dad has made fun of us for years about the depth of the graves we dig for the animals. The pet cemetary is at their place obviously. Between Annie and her sister, there are quite a few dogs, a guinea pig, and my cats. All laid out so the kids that knew each other are close to each other. My cats had favorite dogs, they're buried next to them, so it's all morbidly cool.
Sunday, Annie's dad asked "So how deep do ya'll usually make them?" He wanted to make sure his dog was ok, I respect that. He's ok.
I'm gonna take my drunk ass to bed since hell is waiting for me in the morning. Ya'll have a good night.

Today sucks

Apparently blogger ate my last post. It's taken most of the day to actually get something accomplished, I hate days like that. Now someone has hacked one of my comic sites and tried to give me a bug, fuckers. I need to work late but at the moment, I just really don't see that happening. I need a vacation.

Unproductive

Not even because I want to be. I've been working my ass off since I got here and haven't accomplished a damned thing. I hate days like this. I've got 2 reports running and another waiting for me to set it up and I'm not having fun. Just thought I'd let ya'll know. Carry on.

Darts and Dinner (or lack of)

Long, long story short as it can get. I met The Dirty Old Man for some darts, a couple of hours after work because he's a people person. It takes him a bit to get his business taken care of before he can show up at the appointed place, I still love him. Finally, he shows up, I kick his ass, after much ado about nothing around The Dive since he's Internationally Famous, ok, Locally Famous, yeah, semi-infamous. Whatever, we have a good time. We're finishing beers waiting for Our favorite bartender to show up and strike up a conversation about politics, just because it's on tv. He's almost 20 yrs my senior, was in a war, and neither of us is particularly political in our everday speech. I vote, but that's my business, not yours, and he pretty much feels the same way, so it was a decent conversation. Parted, understanding a bit more about each other and I came home to get something to eat since the bologna sandwich Syd's post made me worry about was long gone.
Leftover taco meat, soft shell, cheese, tomatoes and rice. I put on The Riches and sit down to eat. Annie decided this was the greatest time to call the cable company about the reception problems we've been experiencing on the weekends for the past month. Of course she had to change channels, unplug everything and tell them how it looked like satellite reception when they're looking for people stealing stuff (her ex). I tell her "they don't need to know that, pixels are fucked, put that nicely." Lucy called right about then. I went outside to smoke with the dogs while talking to her because Annie was obviously on the phone. She wanted to know about the nice icepack that she uses here, where did Annie get that? Where can she get one? Hello, you could just take this one. Dinner went in the trash after 2 bites.
Annie is in her room so she's the only one feeling my wrath, Amy Winehouse is blaring in the livingroom at the moment.

Busy Sunday

I made brunch since we all slept in a bit, showered and took off to the grocery store with the intention of coming home and washing our cars to try to drum up some rain. Annie called while I was at the store. Her Dad's favorite dog died, would I go with her to bury him. Off to Tn we went. Have I mentioned it hasn't rained here in awhile? Yeah, not as bad as we thought, but no fun whatsoever. Dad is pretty bummed, Annie is too. I'm just bummed because that's depressing no matter whose dog it is, and I'm starting to stiffen up a bit from the unaccustomed activity. I came home and cooked dinner, I need another shower in a bad way but I'm too tired to drag my ass in there right now.
In other news Lucy won't act right so she's on her own, she goes back home tomorrow to go to therapy and I probably won't see her again till Friday. Hopefully she won't hurt herself too badly between now and then.

Today's Horrorscope and stuff

You can only work with what you have, so stop wondering what you 'could' do if you only had certain resources. Has it occurred to you that you've been given exactly what you need? Take a closer look.

I like it. I had a great day. Lucy, Annie and I went to Armpit to visit the family for The Spawn's first birthday party. He was quite in awe of Lucy's "big girl" stroller. I saw the "I gotta get me one of those" look in his eyes.
It didn't rain, even tho those bastards had promised it would, so we had everything outside and put Lucy in the wheelchair so she could be semi-comfy and hang out, it was all good.
All the strange folks showed up, the good kind, not the assholes, Spawn got shitloads of stuff, got worn out, put his head on Lucy's boobage and passed out, plastic bat in each hand. I forgot my camera so I'll have to wait for Mom's pics dammit. He's still fucking adorable, well even more so now, he's got personality, and teeth, those are good.

We hit The Dive for a bit after getting back into town, saw The Princess and a couple of friends, the girls got Steaknshake for dinner and now Lucy is watching skinemax with ice on the knee and I'm here bitching about the fake boobs on the show she's watching so it's all good.
I hope everyone else had an enjoyable day, I'm gonna go laugh at this shit some more and take Lucy to bed.

This will be a long one

Lucy showed up, with her crutches, walker and wheelchair. I'll be so killed. She said she's going out, I said no, she persisted, fine. We went out.
Annie showed up at The Dive with The Ladies, it was their first time there, but they missed me and Lucy and just had to come over. We threw darts, Annie and L got the snot beat outta them 2 games because my partner J didn't know what she was doing and kept hitting triples, YAY us. The next 2 games Annie's partner L could hit nothing but bullseye's, bitch.
L is now hooked and wants to come play all the time. It should be interesting to say the least, she's very loud and WooHooish. I like her. They're both wonderful people, they were a fucking hoot tonight.
So Lucy told everyone I kicked her in the knee, and I told them she scratched me so I had to kick her ass. I didn't see anybody buying it.
I'm at home, Lucy is on the couch, ice on knee and walker close by... I guess I should take the shotgun away from her.
(I'm just mad her walker doesn't have tennis balls, hellooo, hardwood.)

Clothes and Crutches

I was gonna tell you how appalled Lucy would be with what I wore to work today, but I don't really care that I don't match. I did iron when I got home so at least I'll be pressed tomorrow even if I'm not color coordinated. I need to do laundry too. I suck.
I did speed clean when I got home so Lucy will be able to get around my room with crutches, walker, whatever she's using. Probably not walker since I'll laugh, and she gets better reach to hit me with crutches. Well, an inch or so, she's short too.
Yeah, she'll kill me when she's able.
She's been texting me dirty messages, apparently she's fried again, poor thing had therapy today. She didn't think she'd have to do that, silly woman.

Spiders

I hate them with a passion. I know, some are supposedly good, I don't care, they gross me out. I just looked up and saw a nasty reddish-brown fucker sitting on the corner of a picture on my desk. Ok, I'll knock him off in the floor and bye bye spidey. I lost him. Now I feel creepy crawly cuz I don't know where he is. I hate that.

Lucy's knee

It's apparently fixed and neatly wrapped and she's on some good drugs. Her sister let me know everything was cool, and Lucy would probably be out of it until tomorrow, nope. She's called twice, stoned off her ass. I'm pretty sure she'll not be happy tomorrow, I'm just glad she's fixed. Now I don't have to worry about that turkey baster badump babump.
I know. Sorry. I think I'll give up. Now, 3 times.
She's starting to hurt, told her to take a pain pill and GO TO SLEEP. I think I'll do the same.
Have a good night kids.

Lucy just beat me up

I made some derogatory "old lady" comment and she came off the couch fists 'a flying....Yeah, ok, not really.
I did say [insert derogatory old lady comment here] while she was lying on the couch. I bent down to kiss her to let her know I really didn't mean it about the time she flipped me off.
Obviously she is badly in need of a manicure. It doesn't help that I bleed like a stuck pig. I had to wash out my shirt and the pillowcase in the sink because I have a really nice scratch on my face.
She feels terrible, but I think she's more worried about what I'm telling ya'll. LOL.
Actually she's just worried cuz she's having knee surgery tomorrow and will be at my mercy, besides seeing Mom this weekend and explaining that scratch. Poor Lucy.

NOOOOOO!!!!

Tequila shortage?
MEXICO CITY - Mexican farmers are setting ablaze fields of blue agave, the cactus-like plant used to make the fiery spirit tequila, and resowing the land with corn as soaring U.S. ethanol demand pushes up prices.
Damn us.

Heh

Lucy left to go to work today, Annie left to go to her parent's house for the night. I spent the afternoon hanging out in boxers watching something on discovery, looking forward to a night of Cold Case and me on the couch.
I went out for a bit and beat up on The Princess throwing darts, then Lucy called. She got out of work, She was headed here.
We had a huge dinner involving steak, shrimp and fixings. So, Annie is gone, we have the house to ourselves, and we're both too miserable to worry about anything other than sleep. Damn, I guess I got married and missed the ceremony. Hope ya'll have an equally good weekend.

I beat up on a 12 yr old

Ok, he's not really 12, he's at least 21 but looks 12. He's the boyfriend of a bartender friend of The Princess, and someone I know but not well. He's not real talkative, that's ok, he's very competitive, and he's pretty good at the game. He didn't like it that The Queen and I beat him and g/f 2 games of darts. His g/f came over to say he'd like to play me one on one. Ok.
I whipped his ass. Twice. This is major only because I was a bit worried, I hadn't been throwing very well. I got up for the game and cleaned his clock. I'm so proud of myself. Yeah, I'll suck ass tomorrow.

Thanks Syd

Annie, Lucy and I drove in one car to the dive tonight to beat up on The Dirty Old Man and The Princess at some darts. We accomplished that task. Picked up some fish from The Dirty Old Man because he loves us even if he does get his ass beat, and headed home. Get in the car and Kokomo is playing on the radio. I started laughing my ass off, all I could hear was "Cameltoe"
Lucy has seen and heard it now, Annie ran away like the pussy she is. I'll e-mail it to her when she's least expecting it

Lucy gave me shit

about My Seduction Style, then she took the test.

I think she should shut the fuck up about now.

Hello Pot, Kettle again

If you don't like the temperature of my office, stay out. I don't visit you because it's 10 degrees in there year round. Also, if you have nothing constructive to say regarding lunch, don't bother asking me what I'm having and then bitching about it. I didn't bring enough for you anyway.
Thanks

Cartoon

I got this in e-mail this morning. How true.

The View

I don't watch it unless I'm accidentally late to work and it's on, so I catch pieces of it when I walk by. I've avoided commenting since I don't actually watch it. I'm just really sick of all the shit that has gone on since Rosie joined it.
Today, what the hell, a note to Rosie,
shut your fucking mouth, you're making the rest of us look bad.

Don't fish in Georgia

He really meant no fishing
Wed, May 23, 2007, 0:50

GREENSBORO, Ga. -- An 86-year-old man didn't want anyone getting too close to his fishing lines, so he took a few shots at a pair of fishermen competing at a tournament, authorities said. One of them was hit in the arm.
John Burke Yearwood of Madison was jailed on a charge of aggravated assault and later released on bond.
Greene County Sheriff Chris Houston said Yearwood has been putting his fishing lines out in the area for decades.
Two men competing in a fishing tournament Saturday on the Oconee River told authorities that when they got close to Yearwood's lines, Yearwood raised a rifle and fired two shots that hit the water in front of their boat. A sheriff's department report says Yearwood -- who was at a fishing camp but was not in the tournament -- fired a third shot that hit Craig Barnett as he sat in the boat.
The men said they sped away in the boat and used a cell phone to call 911.
The sheriff's report says Barnett, a Sycamore resident, sustained a wound under his left arm and gave authorities a small-caliber bullet that he says went into his arm.
Investigators found Yearwood at his home.
"He was just trying to warn (them) away from the fishing lines," Houston said Tuesday.

Obviously I lied, I mean I was mistaken....oh shit

Shamelessly stolen from here.

Bottled water?

The number one (Aquafina) and two (Dasani) top-selling brands of bottled water in the U.S. both fall in the category of purified water. Dasani is sold by Coca-Cola, while Aquafina is a Pepsi product. As U.S. News & World Report explains, "Aquafina is municipal water from spots like Wichita, Kansas." The newsmagazine continues, "Coke's Dasani (with minerals added) is taken from the taps of Queens, New York, Jacksonville, Florida, and elsewhere." Everest bottled water originates from southern Texas, while Yosemite brand is drawn from the Los Angeles suburbs.

Yeah, it's healthier if it comes in a bottle with a nice price tag. See why I don't drink water?

Semi-productive Sunday

Today I felt almost human, as opposed to something just this side of roadkill, so I actually got some stuff done. The Jeep is semi-clean and got an oil change so we're both happy about that. I did a little ironing while watching The Music Man, and caught most of The Color Purple in between helping Annie with the flower bed. She apparently went to Homo Depo this morning and got flower happy. Fine, just don't ask me to touch them, I have a black thumb. I'm good for lifting bags and saying "Yeah, that looks good there."
I think I've also gained back every pound I lost over the last couple of weeks because I've done nothing but eat today, but I don't care, I'm so happy to feel better. The downside is Lucy wasn't feeling well yesterday, but was better today, hopefully I didn't give it to her, I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone.
Ya'll have a good night and I hope we all have a good Monday.

Bob Barker retiring

I grew up with The Price Is Right, and Bob Barker, so yes, the man is older than dirt. Reading this, was just a bit too much.
In this month's Esquire, for instance, Bob is the subject of the magazine's "What I Learned" page (no link yet), giving his recipe for a vegan enchilada bake and saying, "I'm still sexually active. Just not as active as I once was. I think Viagra does help. You should try it. It might surprise you. And your friend."

Lucy and Pizza

My favorite pizza place finally re-opened after being forced to move. Family owned, real pizza, yummmmmmm.
Lucy called to order dinner and had quite the chat with the guy on the phone.
Annie and I were saying small, 10" pizzas. Lucy said No, we need 12". Fine, Lucy won.
3 pizzas and a sandwich, $36. My girlfriend telling me I need 12", disturbing.
Then, my girlfriend takes fucking forever to come back with food. I told Annie she was flirting with the guy, turns out she was bonding with his Mother, that whore.(Lucy, not the mother)
Her yankee accent led to where you from, where you live, OMG I knew your Mother, Aunt, all 'o them. So we got cold pizza, but it was still awesome, and Lucy's sandwich was even better so.......I know what to order next time. I'll just go myself.

Lost Dinner and Dr's

I came home with the intention of cooking up a steak and fresh asparagus from Annie's parent's.
I guess I got over it.
I wish snothead would go away, I may be begging my old Doc to take me back because at least he would have me well in short order. He knew I didn't like meds, or routines, he would kick my ass with some antibiotics so I only needed them for a week, or less.
Hot Doc, and Lezzy Doc (the one I saw this time) don't know these things about me. They also don't listen. I hate to say a man knows me better than 2 women. Geeeze.
Snothead is going to bed, and percolating on calling old doc tomorrow.

Kitties

An orange tabby greeted me when I got home, then ran back into the bushes. I sat on the porch and said "mew" till he came back out. We had quite the conversation before he left to finish his mission.
I love cats, but my boys broke my heart so badly I don't think I'll ever own another, or be owned by another to be more accurate.
Teebo was 14, he had cancer, probably caused by me smoking since he was a groomer, he cleaned his brother too. Scratch was fading at 16 from mourning Teebo and his dog, they died within a few months of each other, when apparently The Handsome Devil was surprised and bit him, wasn't pretty, put him down.
I haven't had the heart to get another cat. I don't know that I ever will, they had so much personality, and were so different from each other, it was like having roommates. They fought, we fought, but it was all good in the end. I miss them terribly. I don't ever want to go through that kind of pain again.
I know it'll happen with the dogs, but those are Annie's. I just live with them.
Sorry for the depressing post. I apparently have issues.

In the News...

A 10 month old in Illinois was issued a gun permit. I'm just shocked he wasn't from Alabama.

Ok, so TN people are even crazier.
Man accused of beating wife with block of ham.

Tired

I'm tired of being a snot factory, I do believe part of my dinner came back an hour later, via my nose, because everything is just lounging around in the mucus.
Betty is telling me the T-Rex is back, he's not, the yard is mowed, so either someone is fucking with the dogs while we're at work or Betty is just being a drama queen because she's not getting enough attention lately. I'll reserve judgement on asskicking till I decide which it is.
I think I'll go spend some time with Betty and Veronica and take my ass to bed. Night kids.

Lookalikes

I keep telling Baby Sis he looks more like me than he does her. Yes, I was blonde until I was about 5, I have no idea where that came from.

Monday at The Dive

The Dirty Old Man and I were throwing a few darts, I'd played some music on the rockola, Cyndi Lauper "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" was one of them. The 12 yr olds next to us apparently had a discussion. I heard "Dude, you remember The Goonies" reply was "There were chicks in that?"
I'm officially old.
My body is paying me back for the years of abuse too btw, I'm still a snot factory, and I broke a tooth eating a wing tonight. I hate the dentist even more than I hate the Dr. It's not pretty. I'm also restraining myself from killing Annie because she has been colossally stupid and is now lackadaisical about her stupidity, THANK GOD I don't have PMS right now or I'd be in jail.
I think I'll go walk around the block. Have a good night kids.

Necklace

I couldn't get a good picture, but you get the idea. I love it.

Guess what?

Most of my links are at work. I've been picking up here and there since I lost all my shit, but my list of everyone I read is in my faves there. Half of them aren't even on my blogroll, I just visit, say hi, and move on. Kinda like the list of comics I keep too. Yes, I'm a webcomic whore also, it takes me a bit to catch up on everything on Monday's.
I need a life lol.

Stolen from Ms A

I'm a Talent!

You're a risk-taker, and you follow your passions. You're determined to take on the world and succeed on your own terms. Whether in the arts, science, engineering, business, or politics, you fearlessly express your own vision of the world. You're not afraid of a fight, and you're not afraid to bet your future on your own abilities. If you find a job boring or stifling, you're already preparing your resume. You believe in doing what you love, and you're not willing to settle for an ordinary life.

Talent: 46%
Lifer: 41%
Mandarin: 46%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Should have gone to bed

I've managed to delete my links, what a dumbass. I'll get them back later dammit.

America's cutest puppies?

Lucy can find some shit on tv let me tell you. Now it's Doggie Day care. I'm getting scairt.
I wonder about some of the shit on television and who watches it, now I know. My girlfriend does, for 2 seconds anyway since she has the attention span of a gnat on crack.
I think I'll be going to bed soon and leaving her to it. How in the hell did I end up with her and why does she think I know everything? I'm smart and all, but no, I do not know the meaning of every word ever uttered or the history of everything ever invented.
I'm flattered she thinks I'm smart, but what can you expect from someone who watches this kind of shit on tv, and ignores me when I'm talking about her LOL.
Have a good night kids.

I'm spoiled

At least that's what Lucy is saying. Hey, I didn't ask her to bring breakfast to me. So if I am spoiled, it's her fault. Silly girl.
It's looking like we're going to have a lazy day around here. Yay, Fried Green Tomatoes is on. See ya.

Awesomest girlfriend in the world

I have a necklace with a pic of me and Spawn, on a heart, engraved. It's pretty cool.
Did I tell you she's the awesomest girlfriend in the world?
I'm a lucky woman.

Friday Night

I went out after work, sick and all. I had to see The Princess and kick his ass at darts. It turned into a long evening of asswhupping, his and others, and a shot of b&b. I'm a new woman. Ok, the same old woman, with a new attitude cuz I'm sick and allowed dammit.
Lucy will be here soon to whip me back into shape, but she'll feel bad for my ass cuz she hasn't seen it all week.
I just cleaned the dog's ears and we danced. I'm not sure if I should be ashamed or not. Apparently I should, Annie is mad I danced with the dog.
Lucy is taking me to breakfast. Life is good.
Ya'll just deal, I'm sorry you're not me.

Sign

I really need to put the camera back in the car. On my way to work I pass a chinese buffet, not someplace I eat, or really even notice much. This morning their sign outside that usually advertises what a great place it is said "New Rating 89"
I'm assuming that means health rating. If the previous rating was low enough to make this worth bragging about I think I'll continue to not eat there.

Not dead...yet

Although Tuesday I was worried, I woke up from a dream where the gates of hell were in my head and I had to listen to all kinds of shit from people trying to get in and out. Must have been all the snot festering around my little brain.
Apparently it was a religious kinda day for me, later I was having a conversation with JHC about what the H. stands for and why he needs a raft if he can walk on water. I believe I was feverish, over-medicated, both, or just having withdrawals from the lack of nicotine and alcohol in my system.
I'm not well, but much much better, thanks. I'm back to work hell today, hiding in my cave and trying to catch up on everything. Later kids.

Tired of sleeping

So I sent Annie to dinner with all our buddies since I didn't feel like going. That was at 7:00. I've been back and forth between the bed and the couch all night, wake up a little after 11 and Annie isn't home yet. It's a bit late on a school night for her. I sent a text a bit ago to see if she's ok, and could not believe the call I got back. A: "I'm trying to drag The Widow out of The Dive". Sounds like they had fun. I immediately called Lucy to share that one, she couldn't believe it either.
It's not that far-fetched, she has been there with us a couple of times, but never this late, I'm sorry I missed it.
Ok, taking happy ass back to bed so maybe I can work tomorrow.

Sick *Updated*

I seem to have contracted the crud dammit. Ya'll have a good night, I'll catch up with ya later.

So after 3 hours in the doc's office, culminating in a very painful and prolonged coughing fit while this sweet little old lady was trying to stick a needle in my ass, it's been determined that I have a nasty sinus infection trying to work it's way up to bronchitis.
I'm loaded up on meds and going to bed. See ya.

What the hell

I was gonna tell you something really disgusting, but Lucy would chastise me for having no shame. Heh, I pretty much gave that up when I came out for real at 35. I spent so much of my life worried about what people thought of me that when I gave up and decided it didn't matter, nothing was off limits.
I probably should have saved this for coming out day, but I'm in the mood, and bored, waiting for my HASHBROWNS.
I fell in love in Armpit, AL when I was 15, she was 16. It was a summer of "I know this ain't right, but it seems right, and I can tell she thinks so too, but I can't make a move until she does" and raging hormones, and it was scary and wonderful, and she lived with us, and slept in my bed. When she moved out to live with her Dad is when it finally happened.
It was sweet, just kissing all night, the next day, she was freaked, I knew what I was and what I wanted, lots of shit happened, I got thrown back in the closet because "it ain't right."
Long story short, she and I managed to be together for 4 years, but I had to lie about who I was the whole time, and I had to like it.
Next girlfriend, 16 yrs of pretending, she threw me out, I lived alone for 5 years and finally found myself.
I came out of my glass closet since everyone knew anyway, we just pretended it wasn't.
I'm now a sick individual who happens to be a lesbian, with a lot of straight friends who accept me for who I am and I'm happier than I've ever been.
I like me much better these days, I really don't give a shit, if you don't like me, it's your loss. I'm worth knowing just because I no longer have inhibitions, or not many anyway. I'm fat, but I'll moon you in a heartbeat, I'll do a lot to make you laugh.
LOL sounds like a good personal ad, I'll ask Lucy if she would have responded to this one when she gets here.
Have a good night kids, and try not to dream of my big ol ass.

Happy Saturday or whatever

Lucy and I went test driving today. Since I hate her driving, it was an experience I was hoping to avoid, I had 2 bloody mary's before we started. We had a very nice young man at one place who figured out we were together pretty quick, other place was an old fart with better things to do apparently. Anyway. She went to work and Annie and I went out to throw darts, after a shot of tequila for our birthdays. It didn't help my throwing at all, it's not doing much for my spelling either, I have to backspace way too much.
Anywho, The Dirty Old Man and The Princess showed up, we played, badly, but had fun. Everyone went home early.
The Princess got lucky last night so we were catching up on all that while we had him, since he was totally unreachable yesterday, that bitch.
I asked him if it was like being grilled by the parents, and he replied yes.
Annie and I were, "So do we know him? Is he nice? Pretty? Did you have a good time? Gonna see him again? Is this going somewhere? What's his name? Where does he work?"
He supplied some other info that we didn't want to know but...
Turns out we DO know him, he was our waiter one night out with the girls at one of the fancy places, he would go out to smoke with Lucy and I and chat, very nice guy, we loved him. Unfortunately, it's not relationiship potential, poor Princess.
I'm home, bored, waiting for Lucy to get off work and get here so I can make her take me out for HASHBROWNS...said in a very gutteral zombie kind of voice.
That was a very drunk night, she brought me home and I wanted breakfast, so HASHBROWNS was what I kept repeating until I got some W*ffle House. Yes, I know, I'm an awesome girlfriend. She's lucky to have me:)

Another Friday Night

and I'm home early. I've been home for a couple of hours actually. I met The Lady for a drink, picked up The Dirty Old Man for some darts, he and I threw a couple of games, a shot of tequila and he was done, so I came home.
We interrupt the regular rant to throw in another, Lucy has to work tomorrow too. I told her when she called about working tonight she wasn't gonna get a kiss, much less a reach around...she didn't listen.
I guess I will be less fun than usual for a week, this fucks up fishing with Dad, who I have a whole other beef with at the moment, time together because she's just gonna sleep most of the time she's here because she's a beat old lady. (Yes, I will get shit for that when she reads it.) Besides that, it's all about me, I should have the weekend of my dreams dammit. LOL.
Ya'll have a good night, I'm gonna go smoke and bitch to the dogs, they understand.

No Dinner

Well that's settled. Lucy has been in town for the last couple of hours looking at cars, the plan was to go to the house and hang out till I got home. Guess what? Those fuckers called her to come in to work tonight. And she said yes. I'd like to kick her ass for that one, but her reasoning is maybe they won't need her tomorrow if she goes in tonight. Yeah, right. Anyway, I'm off the hook with cooking dinner so I guess I'll go visit with one of The Ladies since the other is out of town.

I'm committed

Not the asylum yet, dammit. I just burned the fuck outta myself with a cigarette, I'm sensitive, leave me alone.
I will be home on a Friday night, cooking dinner for Lucy since her life sucks so much more than mine right now.
Yeah, that's the plan, right now, I'm thinking I might pick up pizza on the way home.......nah, I should be a good girl and take care of her. Devil says pizza sounds good, Angel says I should make porkchops and asparagus, except I'm the only one who likes asparagus, hmmm.
I think I'll just go nurse my burnt finger and worry about it later, just call me Scarlett. Tomorrow is another day...

I really, really hate Lucy's job, did I tell you that yet?

I was about to tell you how much I REALLY hate her job, when she called. She doesn't have to work tomorrow and Saturday, she only has to work Saturday. Fuckers.
She works Sunday thru Thursday, lately it's been every Friday too. Friday night and Saturday are pretty much the only time we get together, it's been ugly the last few weeks, she gets here late on Friday and Saturday there is shit to do...now we get Friday but she has to leave to work Saturday and come back to sleep and work Sunday.
Of course, she's more upset about the bird she found in a parking lot today. She put him in the car and took him to the humane society, and they weren't working, her vet's office said no, she put him in her sister's car with the windows mostly down and some water, Sis told her he flew away when she went to check on him. I trust Sis, but, really, who knows? It was a bluejay, not the nicest of birds, but Lucy has such a tender heart....
In other news. Annie had her drink at Friday's, served by our favorite bartender and bought by someone other than me. Bartender kicked her ass. We went to the dive to throw some darts where she won, team and single, so she had a good night. I will be taking her to lunch tomorrow to see the favorite bartender since she didn't want to go anywhere today.

Yes, I'm a bitch

It's Annie's birthday. We have to go to Friday's after work for the traditional long island tea to celebrate. She just came by and said "We won't tell anybody it's my birthday since I haven't been in there in awhile."
Just a little too late. I told The Dirty Old Man last night so he could spread the word, and e-mailed a few other people. I'm pretty sure she will be calling me names later. hehehe

Question of the day

Do you have a white keyboard? The glare on this black one makes it so I can't see the numbers.

Get swabbed

If you don't read Crystal you should, the woman is funnier than The 3 Stooges and me on rollerskates. Today, isn't so funny, but stop by. She's talking about this.
May is the Thanks! Mom campaign for the National Marrow Donor Program which means that all fees are waived. Please, find one near you and go get swabbed. It costs nothing, it's painless and it could save someone very small and helpless. Someone who just wants to gnaw on their toes, learn to toddle and hopefully, one day, give his or her Mom a heart attack when they swallow a bee.

Shoes

I meant to blog this the other day, but life intervened, today just brought it back up. I'll try to keep it short, but......
My feet sweat, a lot, it's ugly, I wash shoes religiously because of it, so here we go.
My boss was admiring my new sandals as she showed off hers, she said "Let's swap, you've got to wear these and I'll wear yours." I said no. She asked why, I said "I might possibly have foot funk going on, I don't think so." She told me I was weird. My reply was "We're grown women and you want to swap shoes like 1st graders and
I'm weird?" She got over it, we're still friends all good.
Annie calls me this afternoon to ask what shoes I'm wearing. "Sneakers, why?" A: "Can we swap? I've almost fallen in these like 3 times." Ok, I go see her, turns out she's wearing MY sandals so I didn't feel too bad, but then she asked for my socks......I gave them to her, sweat and all. Serves her right.

EEEk, Just EEEk

I'm going to visit barfy now.
A sculpture of Paris Hilton as a corpse that's not a problem, but the pose.......

Flo and The 7 Freaks

I'd forgotten about a few of these, but they've all been to visit lately.
Headachey
Crampy
Sleepy
Bitchy
Sensitive-y
Clumsy
Stupid as Shit-y
So nice to have unexpected company, they inconvenience you and then blame you for not being happy.
Headachey and Crampy are here for an extended stay it seems, I'll deal.
Sleepy kinda comes and goes, maybe I should pay more attention to her.
Bitchy and Sensitive-y are pretty much full time residents, we have mutual hate.
Clumsy showed up when I was making dinner, I managed to steam the hell out of my favorite finger.
I managed to make 11+12=33 today, so Stupid As Shit-y was definitely in residence.
I think I'll go see drunk-y for a bit.

Completely worthless

I don't think I've been useful since about 10 am. This isn't real big news, or anything really new for that matter, I'm just exceptionally bored today. I suppose I could go harass the new people just for the hell of it.