So, I'm a coward

I'm hiding out at work even though we're closed today because Lucy is mad at me. Apparently I was supposed to take her to The Dive with me yesterday even though she had been out with her sister all afternoon. I figured she would be tired and I kind of needed a break. Bad move. It's not helping anything that I already told her I would be going to The Dive without her this evening because the place will be wall to wall yelling, screaming football fans. There's no way in hell she'll be able to get around with a walker or wheelchair in there and I'm not missing out on The Dirty Old Man's gumbo again. Oh well.
I've been here 3 hours and about all I've accomplished is catching up on blogs, everything else I've touched has gone to shit. I guess I'll finish pissing Lucy off by going to Friday's on my way home. Later kids.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hope everyone had a fun filled, food filled day.
Lucy isn't up to being in a car for an hour, so we stayed home and I cooked. I actually managed an entire meal without burning myself, ya'll can cheer now.
This is my day with The Invalids...
The Handsome Devil decided to rub his sore ear all over the yard this morning when I threw him out, so it's worse than it's been in 3 days. Lovely start.
Lucy had a pinto bean sandwich for breakfast since part of her favorite meal involves those and they were in the crockpot. The Handsome Devil had canned food for breakfast. The two of them have been having a farting war for the last hour. Apparently Lucy is losing since he's throwing silent but deadlies at her loud and ineffectives. She asked me to take him out but he's still saving up.
In other news, Damn Women. Lucy has bitched all day "Nobody loves me, I have no new e-mail." Fine, while she was propped up in bed, I sent her an e-mail, simply saying "I love you." She gets up, back on the computer, I'm putzing around and notice she's crying. WTF?
Me: "What's wrong, why are you crying?"
L: "I got your e-mail."
Me: "So why are you crying? That was supposed to make you feel better?"
L: "It did."
I give up.

Whatever

It would take 26 bottles of Miller Lite to kill me

Night Visitors

This critter came to say hi tonight. Apparently he was waiting around for his girlfriend to show up. I explained that I hadn't petted pussy in awhile, but apparently I was ok, I have marks from our forbidden love.

I need a drink....

and yes, I realize it's not even 10 am. My morning so far,
Up at 6 to feed and medicate The Handsome Devil and clean his ear.
Shower, dress for work, feed and water outside monsters.
Sweep floors and straighten up living room.
Clean up few dishes from last night.
Make sure Lucy has everything within reach.
Take out trash and put neighbor's dog back in fence (NOT dog from last night.)
Grab lunch and off we go.
Got to work at 7:15, can't figure out what the hell woman was talking about with her computer. She has no e-mail so how can it be saying she has messages?
Install drivers for a scanner on someone else's machine, 3rd try that finally works.
Idiot #1 has been using a laptop for 2 yrs, she suddenly inherited a 17" monitor to connect to it but wants something bigger. Informed her nicely that she's Shit Outta Luck.
8:00 and 2 cups of coffee later, text from Lucy, her blood sugar is crazy high.
Take pill and call me if it doesn't come down.
Annie calls wanting me to look online for kidnapping in Ca, grandfather is old friend of her sister. This is a 4 call conversation.
Idiot #2 can't go somewhere online, hunt down person who put the block on so I can remove it from UPS, fix that.
Mom calls. We'll just say it was a slightly stressful call.
Run to pharmacy to get blood pressure pills because I forgot script yesterday and I'm feeling the need for drugs.
Call from Annie, she's tired and stressed out and ready to come home. I'm ready for her to come home so she'll quit fucking calling me every 10 minutes.
Lucy still hasn't re-checked her sugar, sigh.....it's gonna be a long day.

So I didn't make it to bed yet

I was just out smoking and a strange dog came over to say hi. She's wearing a vaccination tag, which helps me like zero this time of night. I gave her food and water, neither of which she wanted. I unfortunately don't have anywhere to keep her for the night since the dogs here are all crazy or I'd keep her and call the Vet's office again tomorrow so they could find her owner.
Tags on collars are a good thing, I would have liked to call her owner and tell them where she was, but nope.
She's gone again, I hope to hell she gets home.

Catching up

So, let's see. Annie's Dad is doing good, he got to go home today. Of course there are chores to be done so Annie and her Sis are staying there all week to take care of things and help Mom out.
Lucy is having a lie down since she's hurting and there was a fuck up with her meds, again. Doc is out of town and they couldn't prescribe what she's been taking without him so I picked up the next best thing, which isn't working so well. She gets therapy tomorrow so that should really be fun.
The Handsome Devil is doing better, we have another appointment Saturday unless he's suddenly healed, but at least he's improving.
Have I mentioned I have a cold? It's been festering for a week or so, Saturday the snot factory started working at optimum levels for the holidays. Today I developed a cough that screams TB Patient, but found some decongestant that seems to be helping. I have to drag my ass back to work tomorrow and fix all the shit that went wrong at 4pm today that I just didn't want to deal with.
I think I'll finish watching The Closer and take my ass to bed. Have a good night kids.

I've been holding out

Lucy is improving by leaps and bounds, not that she's leaping or bounding, but she's doing pretty well. We were both sick when rehab sent her here because I was all OMG, SHE CAN'T WALK, SHE CAN'T DO ANYTHING, WTF? She felt the same way. Turns out, she can get around a bit on her own so we're good. Therapy will be here instead of her having to go somewhere which makes a big difference. Time for bed now that she's had her twinkie, later kids.

Peace and Quiet

Mahjong and an aquarium screensaver. Who knew?

Old Us

Lucy and I have been sitting at the kitchen table, on our respective laptops since she just got to play with hers. We were discussing our nursing home, sitting around in our wheelchairs, hers with pink fuzzies on the wheels and mine with playing cards in the spokes and a freak flag flying from the back. Now she's looking at pron and I'm looking up how long her knees will take to heal. Perfect couple, I tell ya.

He loves my Jeep

I forgot I had this one.

YAY For Friday

I didn't think it was ever gonna get here. I meant to be at work at 7 this morning, at least I got there before 8. I worked awhile and played awhile, and the whole day was 100 years long.
Lucy was left to fend for herself, so she slept most of the day while I was working and playing, Bitch.
Annie's dad is doing good after surgery (more cancer I can't remember if I mentioned)Dr. thinks they got all his so hopefully all will be well.
I came home to get permission from The Cripple to go out and play, I got it, won, yay me. The Handsome Devil has to go back to the Dr. tomorrow for a checkup, he's quite frisky right now so I think we're good, except he coughed earlier. Dammit.
Lucy is now admitting she got her knees ripped out so she could spend more time with me. Dumb bitch. I'm off to give her more shit, later kids.

Annie has left the building

I'm in charge of The Handsome Devil and Lucy for awhile. Wanna take bets on who I kill first?
I must be a responsible adult for a few days dammit. I hate that.
I'm now taking Lucy to bed so I can sleep and she can moan all night. She's very agreeable also. Later kids.

First time for everything

I talked to Mom yesterday, mainly about Lucy coming to the house. I heard words from my mother's mouth that I have never, ever heard before. Namely, "If Lucy isn't up to travelling by Thanksgiving don't worry about coming home, we'll do something else." My mother is all about tradition, and family home for the holidays and all that bullshit. This is a testament to how much she obviously loves Lucy. I wonder if Lucy still has her appendix? Maybe she could get that taken out right before Christmas. Hmmmm.

It's early

and yes, I'm at work. Believe me, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to be. Anyways.
I went to see Lucy after work yesterday and found her crying yet again. It seems since she's able to hobble around a bit with the help of a walker The Powers That Be have decided to kick her out of rehab. Tomorrow. From day 1 she was told insurance would definitely cover her going to the place she's in, and then a couple of additional weeks at another facility to make sure she's able to fend for herself. Guess what? It looks like the "other facility" will be my house, and I'm pretty sure insurance will have nothing to do with it. I have no problem with her staying with me, it's just the whole situation is wrong. See? Still not funny. I'm going to get more coffee. Later kids.

Clusterfuck Tuesday

I've written, re-written, done it in triplicate. It's still not funny.
We'll talk later. Handsome Devil demands a smoke break.

It was a day

Yep, Monday again. I did make it to work yesterday, where I got more accomplished in 2 hours than I managed all last week, go figure.
Today...I didn't get much done at all, but I was there.
Lucy got her staples out, then apparently spent a lot of the day upset with the insurance company about continuing her rehab. We'll leave that there for now.
I took her some stew and cornbread after work, she threw me out after a short visit and I came home to iron. I'm such a good girl.
The highlight of my day was the drunk in the parking lot when I left Lucy. I was parked illegally at the business next door since road construction has closed over half of the parking area at the facility. I'm next to a gas station. An obviously drunk guy was yelling "Hey" when I was getting in the car. Dark parking lot? Drunk? Oh. Hell. No. I start driving out, and he stands in the middle of the passage with his hand to his head in a salute, then started mimicking smoking as I got closer. I stopped and gave him a few smokes and went on my way.
The Handsome Devil and I are going to smoke now that I mentioned it. Later kids.

It's Saturday again

I got up feeling quite productive this morning. I was going to work, which never happened but I did accomplish some other things. I was going to forego a shower until I looked in the mirror and saw this.

I decided it was in the best interest of the community for me to bathe before I ventured out.
Annie told me before she left for the gym that we could pick up The Handsome Devil so that's why I didn't make it to work. I wanted to go with her.
I took cans to the recycle place, got gas, grocery shopped, spent way too much money, but ok. I got home and we picked up THD, he's a new dog. Apparently he was sick for longer than we knew, he felt like dancing when he got home.
I took Lucy some clean clothes, picked up the others and came home to hang out. People started calling...we ended up at The Dive (where I won $50 on the football game before we showed up, woohoo) and met a bunch of folks. The Widow kicked my ass at darts, Annie and I came home around 7 cuz it was getting crowded around there.I have food in the crockpot so it's good. Maybe I'll make it to work tomorrow.

Friday, oh my

I got ready at the last minute, I was on my way to work and got a phone call. A couple actually, I finally convinced the person calling that it the was wrong number.
I got a text from Lucy, she was gonna send me a pic of her knee. I wondered about that since I've seen her knees, was something wrong? Why did she need to send me a pic? WTF was going on?
If the picture I got was of her knee, it suddenly got attached to her chest. I've been threatened with death if I show it, but it definitely wasn't her knee.
I was slow enough this morning that I looked at the pic and went "HUH?"
It took me a few seconds to figure out she was a dirty old woman.
I have nipple on my phone, dont' you wish you did on yours?

Can We Say Hallelujah?

Lucy is walking. Not very well, and she's not real speedy, but dammit she can propel herself. It's done wonders for her spirits so that's a good thing. It's nice to be able to go pee by yourself according to her. Speaking of which, brb.
The Handsome Devil should be coming home tomorrow. Thankfully no hematoma, but he's a pissed off puppy. I don't blame him, I'll be picking up extra treats for him tomorrow. At least he'll be more mad at Annie than me, she usually makes me take them for shit like this.
I took Lucy dinner from Mickey D's tonight, good thing since they forgot to bring her food she wouldn't eat anyway. I really hate this place, but at least the therapy is good, everything else sucks.
I threw some darts, beat up on The Princess and got some hotwings to bring home. They kinda cleared out my head, so I'm good now.
Taking my ass to bed now, have a good night kids.

Drunk, drunk, drunk

I met Annie, The Princess and a beer at The Dive after work. It turned into a party. The Widow, The Woman I can't name, and a bunch of other people hung out. I'm a winner at darts.
There's lots of politics, stupidity, and dumbassery going on.
I just want to go to sleep and be warm, it's fucking cold here. I'll have to wear clothes to bed dammit.

Really?

I thought sure I was cussing at a high school level.

Shamelessly stolen from noname.

I'm not having fun, and it's not my fault

Today sucks on lots of levels, but the ringer was when I almost whistled for The Handsome Devil to come smoke with me. He ain't home. He's in doggie hospital. Lucy is in the most fucked up place in the world, and I'm here. Yes, I'm having an it's "all about me moment." It's usually all about me, but tonight there is a pity party at my place because everything sucks. Most of the time it's one thing or another, right now it's everything.
Handsome Devil either has a major infection, or a hematoma in his ear (not good, don't want to go through surgery again) Vet is watching him to decide which it is.
Lucy is in a fucked up facility and that's not my fault, and I can't really bitch because I'm not family. She's getting fucked repeatedly without any lube. It ain't fun to be her either.
I'm in a foul mood, and will probably continue to be for awhile.

I started this blog with hope, and energy, and the idea that I could be funny. The realization that life sucks seems to have disabused me of that notion. I already knew it sucked, I just didn't realize it was going to suck so much on me all at once dammit.
I'll never say it can't get worse, because it always can, but Damn.

Mondays are shit

It was not a pretty day. I was not in a pretty mood. Leaving work didn't help anything. I ran my errands, saw Lucy, and things got a bit better. I then ran to The Dive to meet Annie and Ms. Fan, who had been shopping together, and things got better still. The Dirty Old Man showed up, things got almost good. He and Ms. Fan flirted outrageously, I'm afraid she was almost serious, he isn't, but I'm just a spectator in the parade of life.
She talked after he left about meeting him and her intentions and a whole slew of other stuff, love the woman, but DAMN, she can talk. Finally escaped all that to get home.
The Handsome Devil has an ear infection. He's been to the Dr and all, today his ear and face are swollen. He's eating better, but still. I told Annie to call Dr tomorrow, I know he's getting up there, but I'm not ready to lose him yet.
Of course at the moment, he's watching skinemax and drooling on the couch, so he's probably ok. Fucker.

Busy weekend

I went to work for a couple of hours yesterday because I had things that HAD to be done. Annie did a bit of parent-proofing, then I rushed home to help her finish up. She had to leave to meet Ms. Fan at The Dive since Ms. Fan didn't want to be there and not know anyone. Family showed up with new couch, hung out for awhile, I got to see The Spawn's newest trick, he does the hokey pokey. Good times. After they left I had to rush off to The Dive because Annie's cousin was in town and I thought they were going shopping and I didn't want to leave Ms. Fan hanging. He wound up hanging out with us, so it was good. He also told Annie about a great shoe sale at G@nder Mtn.
Today Annie and I went to G@nder Mtn before going to work for a bit. I got a pair of $90 Teva sandals for $25, yay for good deals. After work we ran to see Lucy and take her brand new pink laptop so she could do some stuff. Of course we couldn't get enough of a signal for her to get online dammit. Annie and I then took off to friday's for a quick drink before going to see Lily Tomlin at 3 pm. I don't know who scheduled that, but actually it worked pretty well. Great show. She's been making me laugh since I was a child, today was just as good.
We then went back to Friday's and picked up a bunch of food and had dinner with Lucy. She's been tormenting everyone by racing up and down the halls in her wheelchair so she's doing much better. I've done some laundry and ironed so I'm good to go. I now need to take my happy ass to bed so I can get to work in the morning, damn time change.
Later kids.

Do you ever have a dream that happens?

Occasionally I do. It's fucking scary. Usually, it's just deja vu, but sometimes it's too close. Problem is, I usually don't remember the dream until it happens. Most times it's nothing. Lately, I'm having a whole lot of deja vu. Something's up, I just don't have a fucking clue what. I've got Lucy, and Mom, and The Handsome Devil all sick in some way right now, I don't know where to go. I hope to hell everything is fine and all. It just bothers me.

Lucy and a new couch

Lucy got a new room, all to herself. They put that machine that makes her knees move by themselves on her, she wasn't happy. They fucked up her meds again, she got a double dose before they moved the machine to the other leg, she didn't give a shit then. She was gonna call Annie to tell her they fucked up her meds, had to ask me her name, I'm all, yep. She'll be out soon, she wasn't, but at least she didn't hurt.
Baby Sis is getting new furniture, I get handmedown couch, which is fine with me. My handmedown couch from Mom works, but it's not all comfy and roomy like the one I'll be getting. I'm excited about new furniture. It should be here tomorrow.
I don't think I own any new furniture, most of my shit is handmedown or antique. I need to pick up that table from Mom too.

Lucy is having a bad day

Lucy moved to rehab today. It wasn't a pleasant experience, even though all the paperwork was in place, her meds are fucked up, she has a roomie (she and roomie aren't going to get along) and she's in a lot of pain. They're supposedly working on a private room, but we'll see. I took her chicken tacos from Taco Hell, either they changed the recipe, or gave me the wrong thing, they were spicy and she couldn't eat them. I feel like a horrible girlfriend because I didn't stay too long this evening, mainly because roomie was going to get a bath, and she was next to the door. I sure as hell wasn't hanging around till that was done.
I'm going to sleep, night kids.

Happy Hallo.........yeah fuck that

It's my favorite day of the year usually. Not in the mood. I'm sure we'll all get over it.
Long day, saw Lucy after work, she's doing better, still not mobile, but better. She's moving to rehab tomorrow, and threatening to kill me over my ringtone since it's Amy Winehouse, she'll get over it. I know for a fact she can't raise her leg high enough to kick me so I'm good.
I had to run out to meet The Ladies because Annie and The Princess left them hanging, I show up and they're not there, damn. It turned into a longer evening than planned, everyone showed up, we threw darts, the ladies were quite impressive. I got Ms. Fan as my partner, she won a couple for us, she also got shitfaced. Ms. Sweet doesn't really drink, so she was good. We got all the gossip, caught up on Ms. Fan's boyfriend (loser) and had fun. There was also this drunk woman.......we know her so it was ok, but...she kept dancing with me, dancing with Annie, yadda yadda yadda.....Long story short, the kiss was for a guy she's kinda seeing, I hope to hell she blows better than she kisses....Ouch.

My First Flu Shot

Yes, I'm 42 and have never had a flu shot, until yesterday. I've also never had the flu, go figure. Mom's Dr. said we should all get one, so ok, done. I only wanted to sleep last night, but after waking up soaking wet and freezing 16 times during the night, it got a bit old. I didn't get a lot of sleep.
Today I read the paperwork. Soreness, fever, yada, yada, yada.......ok, that explains my arm feeling like it's gonna fall off, and possibly the feverish symptoms last night and now I'm "OMG should I have been around Lucy?" but I have noone to ask.
I'm also not wanting to sleep. I'm all about sleep people, I love it. I have a nap in my office at every opportunity. What the hell did they inject me with? I was industrious today, I got shit done, as in not shit I actually HAD to do. I'm also not the least bit sleepy at this time of night, that ain't good. I should go lie down just because I guess. I'll take another blanket just in case.

Lucy update

Lucy decided to act up last night so they took her morphine, she was not a happy camper. This morning they made her get up and go to therapy, really not happy. I talked to her this morning and it wasn't pretty, this afternoon was better, and by the time Annie, The Princess and I showed up, she was pretty damn full of it. She's still in pain, but after getting out of the Edith Ann chair (She's too short to reach the floor like most people) and back into bed, she felt a bit better. The Princess left since we got thrown out of the room for the screaming, and he was afraid of going back in and seeing hoo-hoo. Annie left a bit later after Lucy was all set for the evening. I hung around, and she fell asleep. I woke her up a bit later by accident so I left too. She just called, she's been asleep until now, so that's good. I'll probably set her up a blog while she's in rehab (no, no, no) and let her tell about it, for now, she's ok so it's good.
Thanks for the good thoughts, I'll pass them along. Ya'll have a good night.

Good and not so much

Lucy's surgery went well. She's in the Big House with a morphine drip, still pretty out of it, but at least it's over. Her new laptop came in today so I brought it home before going to the hospital. Bad move on my part.
Annie gave The Handsome Devil that bone, it upset his tummy. He was in the house all day. Poor guy had an accident. Since Annie laughed about me having to clean it up, I left the puke I deposited next to it for her. Bitch. (Ok, not really, but it came close.) Then I took the back way to the Big House because I'm apparently stupid today, I got lost. I finally found where I needed to be and saw some beautiful houses I didn't know were there so it wasn't too bad. Spent a couple of hours mostly watching Lucy sleep and came home with a headache from hell. I believe I'm going to bed early. Have a good night kids.

Weekend Stuff

Our last minute Halloween Party got last minute cancelled, which was fine since Lucy and I were discussing our last minute costumes when our hostess called to inform us life got in the way and there would be no shenanigans.
We went to breakfast and I WAS going to work, but Lucy talked me into spending the day with her. We hung out, threw some darts last night with a bunch of people and generally had fun.
I was a good girlfriend and removed Lucy's nail polish and trimmed her tree-climbers since she's going in for surgery tomorrow. She'll come out with 2 shiny new knees. Annie asked if they could make her taller, we'll see.
I'm now bored, worried, bored some more and yeah, you get the picture. Lucy has calmed down from "OMGWHATTHEFUCKWASITHINKINGGETTINGTHEMDONEATTHESAMETIME" to "OK, it'll be good so I don't have to do it again later." I promised not to trade her in on a newer model since she will be state of the art now.
I'm going to read the funnies and wait for Lucy to call, hopefully she'll get some sleep since she has to be up at an ungodly hour tomorrow. Keep a good thought for her. Later kids.

TGIF

Annie waited for me to get ready so I could drive us to work. Hour and a half later, I'm taking her home. I blamed her barfing on tequila yesterday, apparently it's a bug. She was having issues on the other end today so....I apologized. I'm hoping that gets me a break from catching the shit, I have enough problems.
I'm still trying to find out how in the Hell This
showed up on my kitchen table.
And (image unavailable) on my couch. Lucy wouldn't let me take a picture, there was hoo-hoo visible. I live in a porn house.

What a day

I woke up at 6am, with bluebirds circling my head, it was going to be a beautiful day, I would go to work early and all would be right with the world. Then I heard Annie barfing in the bathroom, she could have at least used hers. I put a pillow over my head and went back to sleep.
I woke up later than I wanted and this greeted me on my way to work. I managed to get the light instead of the dark, work is over on the left, under that ugly black cloud.
After work, I met The Princess, and we threw some of the worst dart games in the history of the world and finally just sat down and talked. For about an hour and a half. I remember why I love him. We haven't done this in eons, it was wonderful.
Have a good night kids.

Sounds right

You Would Be a Pet Cat

Independent and aloof, you don't like to be dependent on anyone. And as for other people, you can take them or leave them. You often don't care. You live your life by your own rules. And you have deep motivations that no one truly understands. Why you would make a great pet: You're not needy or greedy... unlike other four legged friends. Why you would make a bad pet: You're not exactly running down to greet people at the door What you would love about being a cat: Agility and freedom What you would hate about being a cat: Being treated like a dog by clueless humans

What Kind of Pet Would You Be?

Lifted from Big Pissy.

Headaches and cooking

I've had a headache all day. You know the kind that makes every tooth in your head feel like it's the cause of the pain? Yeah, I was ready to pull that lone tooth outta my head and poke somebody's eye out with it (kidding I have most of my teeth, and those bitches hurt.)
I thought after a decongestant and 4 Alleve that going to The Dive for steak night would be a good idea, I ain't too bright sometimes. I skipped lunch and thought maybe a few beers and dinner would fix me. I had no desire for a steak, a few beers later my head still hurt and I went off had a few expletive laden sentences to share with Annie and The Dirty Old Man because they were on my last bad nerve. It's ok, still friends, but Annie left me a pill on the table, I have no idea what it is but I'm sure it would knock my ass out. I came in and made potato soup and cornbread because that's good for what ails you, so I'm told. Annie kept asking if the cornbread was done, was it done, was it done, I finally took it out and cut her a piece then put it back it until the middle was done, Geeeze. After it was really done, she got a piece with too many peppers. Tough Shit Sweetie.
I'm taking my happy ass to bed kids. Ya'll have a good night.

More costume stuff

Thanks for the comments kids. Lucy has vetoed the wheelchair, even though it would have made her life easier (and mine hell) she's right, it's awkward. So we're talking about the shower scene from Psycho instead, works for me. I have been ordered to buy a rubber knife. Well, really, with my track record? I'd stab myself with a real one, so yeah, fake knife is a good idea. I'm off to sleep, see ya.

Halloween

A party has been announced. Damn these last minute people. I'm thinking we should use the wheelchair so.....
Vote for your fave.
Nurse and patient (blah)
Momma and Norman Bates
Bette Davis and Joan Crawford (Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?)
Dr. Scott and Brad (Rocky Horror)
Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon (Some Like It Hot)
Other ideas? Cheap and easy works.

Darts and bullshit

The Dirty Old Man beat the hell outta me 2 of 3. I won the series 3 of 5, but we don't really care. He won what he wanted to so we're good. Apparently desire has a lot to do with how well I throw. I couldn't hit a bullseye to save my life most of the time.
After Annie showed up and started playing with him, the Canuck Engineer wanted to throw me a game. (Canuck Engineer is actually his name for himself, I just call him Cheating Asshole.) I won 2, hitting bulls repeatedly. He didn't want to play with me anymore.
Annie had been over flirting with her Dr. Bad, bad Annie. She got samples, and a maybe on dinner, so maybe it's not so bad.
I had enough beer to get an attitude adjustment because today just sucked. I'm gonna shove a Mac up someone's ass before it's over, and I pretty much told her so this afternoon. I've done all I can do, the machine is fucked up, take it to someone else and leave me alone. Fucktard brought that in, I have no software, no nothing, leave me alone dammit.

Women...

Lucy said she was gonna change, I asked into what? Innocent question right?
She said, Someone younger, in better shape and all put together.
I said Let me know when you're done.
I got smacked. And now, it's blissfully quiet, I wish I had thought of this sooner.

It's been a long day

Lucy and I were supposed to go to Armpit last night, that didn't happen. We visited Dad and Stepmom today before heading out to visit The Spawn.
We had a great time with Stepmom, love her, Dad was awol for awhile, showed up pissed off he couldn't find what he was looking for, so we beat a hasty retreat cuz I know my dad, he wouldn't leave while we were there, but wouldn't be happy till he got what he wanted. Duh, where do you think I got it?
Lucy called Mom before we left town just because, we usually give her our schedule, she told Lucy to tell me not to speed, she had bad dreams this morning. Ok, I was good. We left Dad's and hit Asscrack, Al, I slowed down. All was good, the other side of Asscrack, I forgot they still have a 45mph speed limit, fuckers. Barney Fife turned around to come get me because "Yessss, Ossifer, I was speeding." No sense of humor at all on that boy, he musta been city edumacated, fucker. Yes, I got a ticket.
Lucy offered to change places and show her all, but I declined because really, he wouldn't have appreciated the view, so why waste it?
She jumped at the idea of calling Mom to tell her I was ticketed, she's still my girlfriend why? Bitch.
I still had a hardon for the burgers from The Hole In The Wall in Armpit, so we went there. She was pegged as a yankee, and I was recognized as one of the Wolf Clan. I told Lucy later she had ruined both of us, It's bad enough I'm a lesbian, but I have a yankee g/f. Tsk, Tsk.
We finally get to Mom's house, and Spawn makes up for all of it. I'm such a wuss. We had fun with him even tho he was in need of a nap, so was I by that point. Hung out, had a good time, got our cuteness fix, finally got home.
Lucy and Annie started watching that damned Penguin movie, we talked about darts and Annie decided to stay home to finish it after, get this, grilling crablegs, which I ate, damn they were good. I had to start and finish the grill, but she cooked them by herself.
I smoked and came back in, said the house smelled like a cheap whorehouse and got dirty looks from Annie, Lucy and Betty, Betty seemed to take it personally. I'm not sure what she does during the day, but I think we need more electric fence.
Later kids.

Funk is a multipurpose word

When applied to music, it's a good thing. George Clinton and The P-Funk Allstars, Play That Funky Music, Funk Soul Brothers....I like that music.
When applied to everyday life, it's not a good word. Foot funk, body funk, funky shit, in a funk. Sometimes Funk just hits you upside the head too. It seems to have clocked me today.
I'm going to bed, later kids.

I could say fuck, but I'm censoring myself

Yeah, right. I drove over to Elbow to meet Mom for her Dr. Appt. We get there at 9, appt is 9:15, he won't be there till 10, does she want to come back or reschedule. I told them we'd come back. We went to breakfast. At 10, well he's not gonna be there at all, they have to reschedule for tomorrow. The kicker is when she asked if she needed anyone with her, they said No, yesterday they said yes, so there I was. She said "Well, since we're thisclose and you're driving we should go see SoandSo in the nursing home." Fine, off we go. She didn't tell me the home was on the south side of bumfuct. I drive, and drive, and drive some more..."Mom, have we missed it?" "No, I don't think so, I just didn't realize it was this far out." A few minutes later, "Oh, there it is, you missed it." I turn around and there we are, visiting a woman I haven't seen in almost 20 years, and liking it dammit because Mom said I should. I pushed her wheelchair to lunch. At least it was a nice home, I hate those places. We didn't stay long, took Mom back to my car since she let me drive hers and all, and came back to hell because I thought I really needed to work today. Shoot me, shoot me now.
I got a phone call from someone who can't check her mail, she thought I was avoiding her (I would if I could) it's downhill from there.
I threw darts and got drunk after work, just because I can.
I wanted to illustrate, but I'm too fucking lazy. A couple that comes in all the time, he looks a bit like Brian Keith, she looks a bit like Princess Margaret. They're not really a couple, just friends, I think Brian Keith is a bit gay, but anyway... They wanted to play with me and Princess. Brian Keith was my partner. We beat the shit outta them. Princess Margaret was Not happy. She left in a snit, and I don't fucking care.
I'm going to drink some more and sleep.
Later kids.

It's only Wednesday?

I did exactly what my horoscope said, because, well, I could. I'm home, because I was tired after those 15 beers I put on Annie's tab (not really) I'm just tired, and she stayed after I left because she wanted to.
Mom got a call from Dr. Oncologist yesterday telling her everything looked wonderful, she went for the follow-up visit today to find out what she already knows and we go to the Urologist tomorrow to get the stent out. I'm volunteered for that trip so we're good.
It's windy as hell here tonight, they're talking thunderstorms tomorrow which means we'll probably get tornaders. Damn global warming, we used to get those in the spring.
I can't remember shit, I had something else to say, but it's blowing in the wind it seems.
Oh yeah, Boytoy showed up at The Dive, wearing a sweater vest over a t-shirt, camo cargo shorts and had something to say about the loafers The Asshole was wearing. I don't think he should be throwing stones. A sweater vest? Geeeze. Even I have better sense than that.

Well, this can't be good

Dear Rain,
Here is your horoscope
for Wednesday, October 17:




I think they forgot something.
Edited
ralphd00d had an excellent suggestion, I'll write my own.
Dear Rain,
Here is your horoscope
for Wednesday, October 17:
You'll have a shitty day at work because everyone had an extra helping of Stoopid this morning. Go drink some beer, throw some darts, and leave Annie with the tab since she did that to you last night. You deserve it.

Peanuts

That's a Southern thing too I think. Growing up, that was tv night. Granny would parch some peanuts and we'd watch Red Skelton. I guess that's poor southern popcorn.
Sittin in my red rocking chair, watching tv and cracking shells, loving the overdone ones. I still do.
I cooked some tonight for the first time in my life, I just got a burnt one. Granny said hey.

It's Raining

Like water falling from the sky and shit, we haven't seen much of that. I love it. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, it's stopped now. I love the sound of rain, I sit outside and smoke cigars during thunderstorms, I haven't done that in a long time.
Half of the deck is covered so I sit here and listen to the rain, watch the lightning when it storms, and enjoy Mother Nature's light show. I haven't had a good show, or drowning in forever, we're still behind on rain for the year, not a good thing. That means everything either freezes or floods about Decmber.
I know I'm rambling, leave me alone, I do this all the time. I don't have enough room in my head for everything that goes on there so ya'll get the overflow. I'll go start a new post and bitch some more, how about that?

Party recap

1st mistake- Inviting The Princess. He said he'd show, we offered to pick up his steak since this was supposed to be a "bring your own steak" party. See mistake #3 for that.
2nd mistake- Letting Lucy purchase the steaks. They were beautiful ribeyes, we just ended up with a quarter of a cow each.
3rd mistake- Not checking with The Widow before we left the house because Boytoy bought every bratwurst, hotdog, porkchop and hamburger within a 5 mile radius. (Not that it mattered, our steaks were seasoned and waiting Saturday, I'm good like that).
4th mistake- Attempting to dance after eating almost a quarter of Bessie along with sides. I've got a bit of a hitch in my getalong.
Everything else was great. Of course we ran into a bartender who asked about The Princess because he'd been at her place all day Saturday, she wanted to know if he got home. We didn't know because we didn't see him Saturday night and our calls were not returned Sunday. (Inconsiderate Fucker) He did send a text today with an lame excuse acceptable reason for his absence, so I'll cut him some slack.
I came home and cooked his steak and had part of it for dinner because I sure as hell wasn't gonna let it go to waste. The rest will be steak sandwiches.
The Widow knows how to throw a party. The band was great, mostly 60's and 70's stuff, some Prince, a few other things. The Widow danced the whole night I think. I hate love her.
We saw people we don't see often enough, met some new folks and overall had a blast. Lucy kept bugging me for a dance (even tho she can barely walk) until she got it so she was happy.
Highlights of my evening were walking into the kitchen to see Boytoy and The Widow swapping slobber. I said "EWWWW" and kept going. Later I caught Boytoy in the bathroom, thankfully he had zipped. (Dumbass, other people know about the 2nd bathroom, shut the door.) I don't know why it's always me that gets to see these things, my karma must be fucked.
Annie and I did a bit of cleaning up and furniture moving (since everything was outside) and left before the poker games really got started. Lucy didn't want to play, I refuse to play, and Annie plays, but badly, so we needed to get home.
Annie and I were still late to work just because she e-mailed the vacationing boss last week to tell her we probably would be. Lucy didn't have to leave until 8:30 so I hung out with her for a bit before going in.
Hope everyone else had fun this weekend, I have 2 more weekends of Lucy before she gets new knees and goes awol for awhile so we'll see what I can get into between now and then.
Later kids.

A Party

The Widow had a party tonight. There was much food, booze and a band. I think I hurt something while dancing. Damn, I'm outta shape.

Date with Lucy

I took Lucy to a nice dinner for her birthday because we haven't really had a night out on our own in forever. Yeah baby, we went to Wendy's instead of Krystal. Ok, we actually went to a nice place, I had to wear pants and everything. We scared the waiter, it was great. Apparently he has never seen lesbians before, he was a bit stuttery, fucked up the drink order, and then proceeded to forget things like bread, and bringing our food, but other people did that so it was good. He really didn't spend a lot of quality time with us, but the service was still fine. I just figured he was new. Lucy said she noticed he was much more relaxed with the breeders at the next table, she thought he seemed nervous around us. Whatever the reason, he wasn't horrible and we had a great dinner.
Lucy did make fun of me for cutting up my pasta, I told her it was that or me having Spinach Fettuccine hanging down my chin looking like Cthulhu so she could just fucking deal with it.
We came home with lots of food in a doggie bag and chilled out for a bit, laughing about how we used to get thrown out of places at closing time so we went to The Dive just to prove we could still do that. You see we're home now, we didn't make it.
The Widow was out since Boytoy watches football there with his best friend The Asshole. The Widow, Asshole's wife, Lucy and I threw the dart game from hell, they finally beat us because we couldn't hit bullseyes, but we had fun.
Lucy is on the couch with a SteaknShake milkshake and I'm out smoking with the dogs. Life is good.

You'll never guess who's coming to town

Annie just called, Lily Tomlin is coming here. OMG. The best part? (besides being able to see her I mean), I can screw ticketmaster and buy tickets locally. WOO HOO!
For anyone local, or close by at least, info can be found at Broadway Theatre League.

Sweet stuff

I'm not a real big sweets eater. An occasional piece of chocolate does me fine thanks. I do love some sour stuff though and sometimes pick up something while I'm in the store.

I happened to see these while I was getting my Lifesavers gummy sours this morning. They are fucking awesome. I'm going to have to give the bag to someone before I make myself sick on them.

It's Thursday right?

I got wheels back today, YAY cuz I hate riding with Annie, she scares the shit outta me. I drive like a bat outta hell, but at least I don't do it on the middle line, geeeze.
Anyway, on to my missed dinner and the cause of it.
The woman I told you about last week? Longtime friend I don't see much anymore? Yeah, she showed up at The Dive cuz things are ugly at her house. She's ditching boyfriend of 7 years. We'll call her Big Tits since that's what Annie calls her. I mention her real name and Annie is all "Who?" I describe her, "Oh, Big Tits."
Anyway, she has a piece of shit boyfriend who she's caught doing ugly things online. (Nothing prosecutable, he's cheating) and she's having a crisis. He doesn't want to leave is part of the problem. I told her to call the cops and throw him out, but she's trying to be nice.
She's a good woman, I've known her for a long time, and wanted to tell her he was shit, but how do you do that? Anyway.
Annie went to the store to buy bread so we could have hamburgers for dinner. Annie has a problem with grilling, she can't. I planned to come home and cook and all that. Big Tits kept me out until 9, Annie had chicken salad I made last night becuase she got tired of waiting. I had chicken salad when I got home because, well, it's late, fuck the grill.
I haven't talked to Lucy yet since she never calls me until late, I did text her Happy Birthday, and will make sure she read the post today since ya'll were so nice to wish her a happy day.
The Handsome Devil wants to go smoke and it's fucking cold outside, I need to find a jacket.
Later kids.

Hey Lucy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I smashed my finger

Of course I don't remember where I smashed it. I was chopping up chicken for chicken salad and unloading the dishwasher, and inebriated during all this, and now my fingernail is numb. Dammit.
At least it's on my left hand, I can still point and laugh with my right.

One of those days

This morning I got up, showered, got dressed and headed to work. Then I woke up and had to do it all over again. I hate it when that happens.
On the way to work the Jeep started overheating, I cranked up the heater and managed to get to work where coolant started pouring out from underneath (all over my beautiful 1st row parking space). It's now at The House of Hoopty being outfitted with a new water pump, hopefully it'll be done by the time I get out of here since Annie will have to take me back to pick it up. Taking it there wasn't very pretty. The Princess recommended this place, I've never been there. It's on a very busy highway and has practically zero parking. Thankfully a bay was open when I got there since the lady stuck on the highway behind me was apparently having a problem with her middle finger that required her to squeal tires heading off to seek medical attention.
I'm going to attempt to get some work done since all I've managed to do today is re-program the sales manager's new cell phone because he thinks I.T. means I'm in charge of all electronics. Idiot.
Later kids.

BWAHAAHAAHAAHAAA

Gov. Riley declares Wednesday safe driving day in Alabama

Oh yeah, he doesn't have to drive, he doesn't realize how many fucktards are on the roads.

Ummm, No

Can't Find A Wi-Fi Hotspot? Let This T-Shirt Find It For You
Consumers walking around a Wi-Fi intensive area are likely to light up like ambulating Geiger counters.

Article here. Or you can order this atrocity spiffy new shirt if you like.

Fall Funk

seems to have kicked in. Lucy was doing nothing at all to get on my nerves, but she was. My solution was to go to Friday's and hang out with the guys since I haven't done that in awhile. Cabana Boy and Mr. Volleyball were working, they bicker like spinster sisters, love them both. I spent a couple of hours with them, made a date with The Dirty Old Man to throw some darts and came home.
Lucy was actually on the couch, I had a steak sandwich courtesy of Mom since her steakngravy yesterday was abundant. OMG was it good.
Off we went to The Dive. I won $50 on the football sheet there that I'd forgotten about, threw some darts, had fun....came back home.
I'm now contemplating sleep because Annie is back home and she and Lucy are both on my nerves just because they're breathing. I think this ups my bitchiness score.

I can't even get this right

You Are 78% Bitchy

While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood. And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong!

How Bitchy Are You?

Stolen from Pissy. I'm mad she got a bigger bitch score.

I need to watch more TV

Rita Moreno.
"Cane" is the show. Never heard of it, but I'll be finding it.

This might take awhile

Ya'll got your drink of choice? Comfy? Been to pee lately? You know it's not good to hold it. Ok, here we go.
Lucy and I went to Armpit last night to actually spend time with Baby Sis since she was off work. Totally missed out on the movie (I wasn't too upset) we took because we sat around chatting after Spawn went to sleep, but had fun.
Today, we hit the ground running at 8 am cuz Spawn was awake and ready to go. Baby Sis likes to open the door to our room so he can come in and harass us with his cuteness, it usually works. Lucy cooked breakfast.
Mom was cooking dinner since Lucy's birthday is next week (and she's not getting new knees for her birthday after all). Mom didn't go to the store until this morning. Things went to hell in a handbasket about 9:30.
I was clean, got volunteered to chop onions and peel potatoes while Mom and Stepdad went to buy groceries, no problem, we were gonna laze until I did my shit and Baby Sis and Lucy would watch the movie while I took Spawn over to the grandparent's place.
Mom called, she needed this and that. I get to Mom's and it's chaos. Stepdad is ready RIGHT NOW to take Mom's car to be washed and needs a ride. Mom has forgotten something and I've forgotten now what it was, but it was an event at the time. I walked back over to Baby Sis's house to get the car to take Stepdad to get car cleaned, run to store for oil so Lucy can bake her own birthday cake cuz she won't listen when Baby Sis says she'll do it. Still following all this?
Baby Sis took Spawn to Mom's while I made cornbread, Lucy made cake, everything got in the oven and I go over to finish my potatoes and help Mom with whatever. Mom and Stepdad have an argument, I was standing in the middle when he made a comment about all the clutter in the house and Mom WENT OFF. She said Damn. That's a pretty big deal. I was looking for a way to sneak out the door because I felt about 8 yrs old. After that all got out of the way, Mom and I were talking when The Princess sent me a text. I said "I should have invited him for dinner." Mom said "Call him, I'll call J, The Princess is funny isn't he?" (Mom's term for us gays). I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone for a second, laughing, I told her it was too late to call him and get him there today, but "Was she trying to fix up my gay boyfriend?" She said "Well J is a good looking guy, maybe they should meet." I dropped my teeth in the floor (and they're my teeth) because my mother didn't really acknowledge I was gay until a few years ago. Hello, I'm 42 and I've been gay at least since 15, this is a big deal.
The rest of the day was pretty much taken up with The Cripple and The Cancer Patient giving me shit for calling them that. They sat in the living room dishing and making me bring them things because they're too old and weak to take care of themselves (bitches). But they laughed a lot, it was a good sound.
I came home, took Lucy to The Dive and she kicked my ass at darts. Dammit.

My Thursday

I've lost my toothbrush. This is not a good sign. I don't know if I threw it away or what, but it's gone. Dammit. I have an alternate, but it's not the same. I guess I'll be visiting the store whether I like it or not.
I had something to say, and I'm sure it was world-changing and profound, but now I can't remember what the hell it was. Geeeze, I suck.
Oh yeah, Annie and I went to Friday's tonight to celebrate losing The Fucktard. I ran into an Old Friend, lovely woman, she's not doing so well. So I stayed there longer than I meant to, then headed to The Dive where Annie was kicking my ass at darts. I was trying to put a stop to that because I heard a woman say "I'm Horny". In my experience, if she's not whispering that in my ear, it's best to get the hell out. It's not gonna be pretty later.
Apparently she managed to contain herself at least until I finished kicking Annie's ass. Yay her. I would make a blonde joke, but.........nah.

A Million things

Since I've got a million things running around in my head, and about half of them are classified, and ya'll pretty much only care about 0 of them, I'll just ramble to myself.
I was a good daughter today. (I know, shocking isn't it?) Mom had her last treatment, I met her there, Baby Sis was there too (upstaging bitch). Mom took flowers and candy to the staff and some special goodies for The Doc, she's a good woman (both of them, not just Mom), got the spiel on checking up, first one is in a couple of weeks and how she'll be "Under Surveillance" for the rest of her life. Right now Mom is great, couple of weeks if all is well, they'll take the stent out and she'll feel even better. Mom, Baby Sis and I then went to Offal House to celebrate with a big breakfast, all is well. Oh yeah, today is Middle Sis's birthday, so that was part of the reason we went with Mom, it's always a rough day for her. Baby Sis took Mom home and headed to work, I just headed to work, by way of the great bbq place to get Annie a sandwich. ANY...Way... Work was the usual, I get in and it's "OMG, You're here, this is fucked up." Yeah. I took mexican cornbread in for the pregnant woman cuz I feel a need to take care of the breeders for some reason, she actually shared, it was loved, I'm good.
2nd part...
Annie and I leave work at the same time 4:30. It's about 15 minutes to get home. I'll go to the ATM and then The Dive, or sometimes just straight to The Dive and still be waiting for Annie to let the dog out and show up at 6:00. I never call to see where she is unless it's after 6, then I worry. Today, I volunteered to get the dog since I needed smokes and my store is down the road and yadda, yadda, yadda. I get home, feed the dogs, have a quickie with myself and let the monster outside. (Kidding, I didn't feed the dogs). I'm halfway to The Dive at 5:00, Annie is calling wanting to know where I am. WTF? We then picked up green peanuts courtesy of The Dirty Old Man, kicked some ass at darts, and one of us got home much earlier than the other (Bitch). When I got home she told me work shit I really didn't need to know and now I'm sharing, aren't you happy?

I'm gonna get mushy again

I was watching CSI, it's a re-run again, one of the stories is about a woman with Porphyria. That made me think of a friend I haven't talked to in a long time, my fault for not keeping up, and got the train running to how many people I've known and loved that I don't talk to anymore. I'm terrible about that. Hell, I'm bad about talking to my family, I can't be expected to keep up with other people. It's a character flaw I need to work on. I called brooklyn and left her a message since it was late and all just because. She and I have been friends for about 10 years even tho we've never met each other. It's all her fault, she'll call me out of the blue, sometimes I answer, sometimes not....but she's taken the time and made the effort to keep up with me. I need to give a bit of that back, to her and other people instead of living in my own little world over here.

Yo-Yo

One of the items in the goody bag the girls got at the Jam was a yo-yo. I played with it when we got home because I'm all stupid like that. Lucy made a comment about never being able to operate one. I went out to smoke earlier, thinking she was going to bed, and came in to find her in my chair, this was the conversation.
Me: Thought you were going to sleep.
L: I yo-yo'd.
Me: How'd you do?
L: (Pointing) Yo-yo was 5 feet away in the floor.
I picked it up and explained to her that it was not a ball.
Me: Show me your yo-yo.
L: Noooo, I'll show you my hoo-hoo, but not my yo-yo.
Me: (Hoo-hoo jokes and whining and me operating the yo-yo until she gave in.)
Lucy yo-yo'd, and it didn't go well.
L: I can't ever get it to come back up.
Me: Good thing you changed teams then isn't it?
Lucy yo-yo'd again and bonked herself in the head.
I laughed, kissed her boo boo (NOT her hoo hoo) did "around the world" with the yo-yo, got called a smartass and sent her off to bed.
I loves me some free toys. Cheap entertainment for sure.

More Jammin

We didn't stay too long today, they shortened the hours this year so gates didn't open till 4. We saw T Broussard and the Zydeco Steppers. They were good. I love Zydeco bands because they're always fun and at least a few people at those shows actually know how to dance.
We ate, I drank some beers, the girls had ice cream and I got a bag of fresh pork skins to torment Lucy with, then we headed home because Lucy was tired and Annie was getting antsy. All in all, a good time.
Lucy is on the couch snoozing, she's pretty much been there since we got home. Annie is in her room, probably doing the same thing, I'm recording Dexter in the bedroom because I forgot about it earlier and want to watch it with Lucy so here I am.
I need to go to bed soon, I need to be at work early tomorrow since I didn't make it in there this weekend, but we shall see.

I just found out

I WON MONEY ON A FOOTBALL GAME!!! YAY ME!
I'll be taking my ass to bed now, return to your regularly scheduled programming.
Rest assured I'll share my wealth with myself for the rest of the week.
Night kids.

Short version

It's late, I'm tired. There was no Jammin for me last night because we were all too beat and Lucy didn't get here till 8pm, also beat to hell.
We made up for it tonight. Ate, drank, waited 2 hours for George Clinton and P-Funk All Stars before moving on because they weren't there. Saw these guys. They were great. Koko Taylor rocked, she may be 107 (ok, not really) but that woman can sing. I had some decent jambalaya, and lots of beer.
We finished the night off with The Commodores, good too. I then proceeded to make a procedural error on getting us back to the car. It's the same distance to go out that gate instead of the one we came in, but pushing a wheelchair thru gravel is much harder than pushing it on asphalt. I won't make that mistake again.
I'm also not admitting I made an error cuz you know, I'm like that.
I'm off to bed kids. Have fun.

Friday Drivers

Why is it Friday unleashes 3000 more people on the road and none of them can drive?
Are the Specially Licensed only allowed to drive on that day of the week? Really, if you don't understand red light, green light, stay the fuck home people. You are impeding the progress of those of us on our way to Happy Hour.

The Boys are back in town & disgusting shit

Or the Girls as the case may be. Princess and Queen finally got home. The Princess and I met up for some darts and catching up, he kicked my ass. It's all good, he brought me goodies, I missed him, ok done with that bullshit now.
I seem to have Adult ADD or ASS or something, I can't focus on anything...... Oh Shiny .......for long.
I should be in bed because I really suck lately. This morning the bed was sucking me in, I had no energy, I couldn't escape it's mushy warmness. Add feeling like a whore's ass after a bad night, sinus drainage and nausea to the mix, I couldn't get up. I'm apparently not well. Am I doing anything about it? Yes, I'm throwing darts and drinking beer, and worrying about getting my inventory shit done because I can only stare at numbers for so long before I have to go read a blog or something.
I think this tops the evening, Annie looked out just in time to catch The Handsome Devil taking care of business. We were both out there with flashlights looking for the evidence to make sure he didn't have diarrhea because somebody threw up on the rug in her room, and it wasn't me. He left multiple deposits, apparently he's stopped up instead of having runs. Lucky Dog.
Aren't you glad you stopped by?

Well no wonder

My horrorscope for today.
Take the day at your own pace, even if that means that tasks pile up on your desk or clutter your home. Speeding up will only aggravate you and cause you to make mistakes, so explain to your people what's going on.

No wonder I'm not accomplishing anything even though I'm busting my ass. I'm off to fuck up something else now.

Frank just pissed me right the fuck off

Sorry, a local ad talking about colon cancer. "Frank is tired all the time." If I'm any indication, most of us are tired all the time just because we work for a living. Frank was playing golf. Frank can kiss my ass.
In other news, I'm just fucking tired and probably will be for awhile. Geeeze, I need to cut my talons. I need to see a groomer, my hair is too long, as are my nails. Lucy is in Nassau, bitch. Ok, not really, I hope she has a great time since she's coming home to bunches of unfun.
I was thinking of skipping Friday night at the festival until I saw Joan Jett was Friday. Dammit. I guess I will be there.
I think I'm gonna go to sleep, I'm high on sinus shit it seems.

Yes, I'm gonna bitch...What's new?

It seems I've decided to fall apart along with the rest of the world dammit. I need to make multiple Dr. appointments, and I'm not happy.
I must see Hot Doc because my blood pressure meds are on their last refill, can't let those go. I need a pap and mammogram just because, yes I skipped last year, shut up. I also need an eye exam to see if there is a reason I'm suddenly blind or if it really is just age creeping up on me, and I've got to see the Ortho about my hands because really, this is unacceptable.
My hands bother me the most, the only thing I can think of is working at home, using a handy-dandy ergonomic keyboard. Probably just more typing since I've been busily working away lately. I'm just mad it's affecting my dart throwing. Annie beat the shit out of me tonight.
I'll catch you up since brooklyn asked about it. Mom's doing well, she works partial days and has her treatment, this week and 3 days next week she'll be done. Hopefully she'll be all good after that. I'm sure you'll hear if she's not.
Lucy is on her boat, she'll be back Friday and we'll head out to the local music festival, me pushing her ass around in her wheelchair, and drinking beer. Me, not her, all weekend long, I'm sure she'll wish she was back on the boat. If all goes well, both of her knees will be replaced on her birthday October 11th, and she'll head off to the old folks home to rehab so I can laugh at her ass some more.
I think I'm done, for now....

I went ahead and did it

Nicole Nelson is on my links list. That'll take you to her myspace where you can hear her amazing voice. I think she's pretty fucking awesome.

I'm impressed with myself

What I posted last night actually kinda sorta made sense. I'm having trouble tonight and I can actually see and function. Go figure.
Ms. Hottie and her Hubby gave me shots last night, lots of them. Shots + Rain = Bad. Especially when those shots are Patrone tequila, good shit, bad effects on the brain.
I was quite productive today for feeling as bad as I did. I made a shopping trip for work, went to work and cooked dinner. Yay me. (Ya'll should applaud now, cuz really, it was an effort.)
I made Hushpuppies (they were ok) fries, (frozen, cooked in oven, I love me some frozen shit) corn on the cob (microwaved) and Fried Catfish (actually pretty good).
The Dirty Old Man gave me some fish a few weeks ago and has been asking if I've cooked it, so now I did dammit, shuttup.
I have since talked to Lucy who is enjoying South Beach with her Niece and Sister before boarding the Big Boat tomorrow to go play for a week. I also talked to Brooklyn for a bit since we haven't caught up in awhile, I need to add a link to her Niece's website, someone remind me cuz ya know I can't remember shit these days.
I'm off to sleep kids, have a good night.

Lucy out of town

Annie just asked why I was still up, I'm not sure. I'm usually up all night on weekends with Lucy. Assuming we're home, so I guess that's why. Since she's off in a bigger city, about to fly to a much bigger city and get on a big boat, I should plan I guess. Shit, I've become dependent.
We both had water nightmares last night, I didn't tell her all of mine, I doubt she told me all of hers....Sharks or Nessie will eat her ass while she's on her cruise. Poor Lucy, I hope she gets my version, it was quicker.
I'm going to smoke and sleep, not at the same time, ya'll have a good night.

Friday, No Princess

The Princess and The Queen are in Chicago for the weekend so it was just the real girls tonight. Lucy and I met Annie, Ms. Fan, Ms. Sweet, The Widow and The Dirty Old Man at The Dive this evening. Ms. Fan and I beat the shit outta TDOM and Annie at darts, everyone rejoiced.
Lucy and I have been just chillin', she's leaving tomorrow to fly out for her cruise. She joined me on the porch and said her knees really hurt, I told her "Then we'll just have to put you flat on your back where you belong woman." She cracked up. I usually get flipped off for sexist comments. I do tend to throw them around just for the hell of it. I'm gonna miss her when her niece throws her off the boat.

It's official, I'm old

I had to buy reading glasses today because I can't read my fucking spreadsheets. Actually it's not too bad, I've enjoyed good vision for 42 years so I won't bitch too much about a minor change. What really pissed me off was I had to make a couple of patch cables at work and my hands killed me afterwards, bitches.
Anyway, I'm off to hang out with the ladies that are older & in better shape than me. I'll catch ya'll later.

Re-naming

Since "The Ladies" have decided to become 2 separate entities, I guess I should give them individual names. Ms. Fan is the sports fan with things in common with Annie. Ms. Sweet is the other, She's a southern lady all the way. The Widow, Ms. Fan, Annie and I met at Hooter's after work where we had a great time, then threw darts. Again a great time. Ms.Fan beat us both, she jumped up and down, got her inhaler, and jumped some more. I have great friends.

A Little Bit of Everything

Lucy's pipes are clean, good to know since I was worried I was gonna kill her in the throes....uh nevermind. She's got other issues, but healthy enough to go on her cruise, starting this weekend, Bitch.
Mom is halfway through her treatment and doing ok so we're good.
Baby Sis got the honor of Spawn pulling off his shitty diaper to let her know he wanted to be changed NOW dammit. I guess potty training will be coming up soon.
I thought I tore something in my right index finger, until I had twinges of the same pain in the same place on my left hand, I guess Carpal Tunnel is winning dammit. Unfortunately Dr. visit has to wait since inventory is next week, and surgery will have to wait until Lucy is well because really...her with no legs, me with no hands? Ain't gonna work.

This is the brandspankingnew toilet seat at The Dive. Dude, drunk bitches in a Sports Bar? They can't hit the hole anyway, so you make it MORE difficult?
And yes, I had to go back to get my phone and take that pic before I left.

I want one

September 18, 2007—This unusual species of flying fox was recently discovered in the Philippines not long after it was deemed not to exist.
Rest of article here.
I just think he's cute.

I'm drunk, just so you know

Like that's something new. I have paperwork out my ass because I've been busy or worthless or whatever and now I MUST get it done because I have a serious case of sudden onset OCD. Paperwork is scattered across the table where I was working earlier, but had to give up because I couldn't spell, hmmmm. I guess I just wasn't interested.
Inventory is next week, I play a big bit part in that, I need to have my shit together, it's not. I'm working on getting it there, but........Yeah, it's that kind of day, tomorrow will be better.
Lucy is taking center stage over Mom these days, I wish those 2 would just shut up and act right. Lucy is having an arteriogram tomorrow cuz her Dr. wants to make sure she's ok for surgery to have both her knees removed and replaced with shiny metal thingys. I asked her if it would make her taller, I got flipped off. I still plan to take "The Wizard of Oz" to her room so she can feel like the Tin Man.
I'm taking my ass to bed, ya'll have a good night.

Those ugly rubber shoes...

I told ya'll these things were evil.

A long time ago....

34 years ago today I got a phone call, I was 8. Step-dad informed me I had a new sister. I was like, "Dang, I wanted a brother, can't you trade her in?" I'm glad now I have a Baby Sis so it worked out. I would say Mom still got the wrong baby if they didn't look alike, Baby Sis is nothing like me, Mom, or Middle Sis, I guess that's a luxury that comes with being the baby.

Back again

I survived babysitting believe it or not. Baby Sis had to work all day, Lucy and Mom took off, I was left with Spawn. We managed. He had quite a long nap and I managed to get some work done while he did that, then he ingested more spaghetti than he wore, so it was a productive day for both of us.

The highlight of my day was finding out Lucy and Mom got all white trash in Wal-Hell. They told me the story, the cashier who checked them out told Baby Sis the story since she works there.
Apparently "2 Older Ladies asked about Baby Sis and then proceeded to have a fight in the checkout lane about who was buying." Sounds like redneck bar talk to me, or rasslin'.... "In this corner we have 'The Cripple', weighing in at humorous and stubborn, but not really a match for 'The Cancer Patient' who is not above being sneaky and using her status to gain pity. Winner: Cancer Patient, hands down.
The really fun part is Mom's phone didn't ring all afternoon, when she questioned that I told her they were busy discussing the big brawl at Wal-Hell. Small towns are like that.

Baby Sis will be another year older Monday, so we celebrated today cuz Monday's suck. She was happy, Spawn got her earrings (unbeknownst to him), she got money from the rest of us, and Lucy cooked dinner and cake, all excellent.

Lucy and I got back to hometown late, threw a few darts with Annie and came home.
Later kids.

Gone again

Lucy and I are off to Armpit for yet some more babysitting fun. I don't know if I'll mess with dialup from Baby Sis's house or not. If not, ya'll play nice till I get back.

Sleep

I've indulged in it as I do all drugs, when needed, usually half a dose. Lately Sleep has been slapping me upside the head.
I find myself at work, mid morning, bonking my head on my computer screen because Sleep has caught me off guard. Mid-afternoon, same thing. I'm mad because I'm gonna have to buy my monitor dinner if I keep bonking her, dammit.
Sleep should have been satisfied last night when I gave up and went to bed early, OH HELL NO. I bonked the monitor yet again, "Was it good for you honey?"
I'm giving in, I'll sleep tonight dammit.

Wildlife

I went out front to smoke earlier and noticed a suspicious blob in the corner of the porch, on the semi-ledge. I turned on the light, EEEEK, it's the spawn of that bitch that hates me. I know it's her spawn since after I turned off the light, planning to leave it/her alone, I got dive bombed twice before she flew off into the night.
Try to be nice....
In other news, Annie and I threw some darts, badly, The Widow showed up unexpectedly, it was good to see her, we have a date for next week at Hooter's. I'm beat. I think I'll take my ass to bed.

Bacon

I don't recommend the Maple flavor. Lucy cooked that for breakfast yesterday. The bacon itself was good, it's just the house stinks like hell right now. We burned candles last night and tonight, Annie told me to smoke inside to alleviate the stench. Lucy will be informed, no more maple in the stable. Geeeze.

A day of babysitting aka why I don't want kids

6:30am Baby Sis wakes us up, I send Lucy to keep the Spawn company until he wakes up.
7:00am Lucy throws Spawn in bed with me so he can drink his bottle while lying all over me with his wet diaper since she didn't change him yet. Bad Lucy.
7:30am Cleaned up Spawn and I are playing while Lucy contemplates breakfast.
8:00am Lucy is cooking breakfast, I'm making up Spawn's bed, he brings me a diaper and starts climbing the changing table. I take that as a hint. I open his diaper and go OMGWTFISTHAT and choke, gag, get a gas mask and take a shot of vodka.
8:30am Feeding the Spawn, biscuit, gravy, eggs, taters all mashed together YUM. He got mad when I took his bowl to get more gravy, piggy.
8:40am covered in aforementioned food, gravy in my hair, Spawn feeding himself now, I go to have a shot of vodka and a smoke.
9:00am Mom and Stepdad show up for breakfast, leave Spawn in the floor while we pig out. Casualties are his booster seat and a refrigerator magnet.
10:00am Lucy has been watching Spawn while I clean up, stupid child dvd playing, life is good. I have another shot and a smoke.
11:00 am Spawn has his blankie and is rolling around in the floor with me, almost nap ready, Baby Sis comes home for lunch.
ABORT NAP....ABORT....ABORT....ABORT...
11:15am Baby Sis puts him in his high chair and drags it into the livingroom where tv is, and gives him cheerios, with milk. I go have another shot and a smoke.
11:30am Baby Sis refills his cheerios while I'm not looking, I'm having a bottle by then.
11:35am Baby Sis is leaving to go back to work, I have another shot and smoke while I say goodbye to her, get back, Lucy on couch, Spawn in chair with Cheerios, movie on....gave Spawn more Cereal and went to pee since all that vodka was killing me.
11:40am Enter the livingroom, Lucy on couch watching cartoon, Spawn in chair with cheerio stuck to forehead and a firm hand on the bowl about to dump it on the carpet.
I make a running dive to save the carpet and Lucy says "Huh?"
11:45am cheerio removed from Spawn's head, he's removed from chair and in his bed with blankie, nap time. He has to cover his ass with blankie and then he's good.
1:00pm Spawn awake, we get dressed and go off to grandparents house. YAY.
I'm shitfaced, Mom and Lucy talk, there is laughter, I take pictures, we head home.
The End.
Ok, so the vodka part isn't true.

Good times in Armpit

Lucy and I went to Armpit last night to babysit spawn and give Mom and Stepdad a little break. Spawn got breakfast, cooked by Lucy, Breakfast that it took me 3 years of putting out to get. Mom and Stepdad got breakfast too, Lucy is such a slut.
She cooks for Spawn. I'm lucky to get a pop tart.
Anyway, the story is....Lucy's knees need to be replaced, you should remember all the ranting I did about her knee.....Mom said, "Well Lucy, do you have anyone to take care of you? Lucy said not really so Mom said Why don't you just come stay here, I'm thinking about food and such, and we'll get you a wheelchair.........to push you into the kitchen so you can cook." I told ya'll my mom was a smartass.
Lucy didn't get it until an hour later. I LMAO.

Lucy called Mom after we got home to tell her she finally got it. I heard my Mom laughing from 3 feet away. It was a wonderful sound.

Dear Dumbasses

Let's just get it over in one swell foop shall we?
Mr. Man in the big jacked up Ford truck with the loud mufflers. I'm sure you thought it was cool to gun your engine while we sat at the stoplight. I'm sorry about the size of your penis.
Ms. "Oh My Stomach is so fucked up" at the convenience store. That Hot Mama Sausage ain't gonna help it and you could have opened your fucking purse and got out that 10 way before I got up there.
Kids next door, you'll learn not to ride your motorcycle in the backyard, in the dark, where you have so many obstacles after you lose an eye or limb. Or apparently break the new toy since that seems to have happened. Fuckers.

Sleep, I need to get me some of that

I met The Princess after work for darts, he kicked my ass until I had a few beers. I think I need to learn to relax without alcohol. I should work on that since I also need to stop smoking, and get less stressed, and yeah whatever.
I should be a 95lb bundle of nerves, nope, not me. I'm a big old snuggly bundle of nerves. I think I'll go look for that sleep now. Ya'll have a good night.

I swore I'd never

but I did. I feel dirty now. OMG what am I gonna tell Lucy? It was necessary, inevitable, but damn. I'm feeling old and tired and ashamed of myself, I can't believe I did it. I don't even want to tell ya'll, it's so ugly, and it wasn't even any fun. :::Taking a deep breath:::let me just get it out.
I now have a MySpace page.
Hey, stop throwing tomatoes, those should be eaten dammit.

Labor Day

Mine is almost over, but I actually did some housecleaning today, something I accomplish rarely since I'm never alone. I got rid of Lucy, I mean Lucy had to go home dammit, about noon today and Annie was still out of town, so I had a few hours to myself. The Closer was on tv all day, cranked that up and got busy. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but shit gets on my nerves after awhile. Laundry is caught up, I can see floor in my room, kitchen is clean, dinner cooked, I'm good at the moment.
I need to take my ass to bed but 3 days of staying up all night is fucking with me. I think tomorrow will be difficult.
Why am I here again? Oh yeah, because I have nothing better to do. Annie is apparently sleeping, the dogs are behaving, I'm indulging in beer and smokes on the deck since I can't smoke in the house, and I'm bored. I may go try out the new sheets on my bed just for the hell of it. Night kids.

Sunday dinner and stuff

Lucy and I met my forum friend since she was in town. She's a hoot, she and Lucy hit it off and we spent 3 hours hanging out in a Chinese restaurant mostly talking. Thankfully the place isn't very busy, most of their business is takeout so it was cool. I think we may have run off a few dine in customers with our conversations, Wiccans and Pagans and Lesbians OH MY! Not that any of us fit those descriptions, well, ok maybe 1 of them. Forum friend is straight but very cool, she just knows a bunch of people into different things, she does Ren fairs and SCA events, so we touched on a lot of that and went on to more mundane things. It was a good evening. The only problem is we planned to visit the new bar after dinner, but it was after 9:00 when we got home and Lucy needed time to get really dressed up to go there, so we didn't make it yet again. We've been trying to get there since they opened but other shit keeps getting in the way, going to Armpit, resting from last weekend in Armpit, shit like that. Lucy says I can't go without her until she's been there with me dammit. I may have to go after work one day and just not tell her.
I'm also getting really pissed off with my fortune cookie luck these days. Last week Annie and I had Chinese for lunch and my fortune asked if I made sure to get my takeout before I left, a fucking ad in my fortune cookie? WTF? Tonight, my Lotto 6 numbers were only 5 digits. I wonder if someone is trying to tell me something?

The pictures

The Birthday Party

I'll have to post pictures later since my little piece of hardware to transfer pictures is at work and I didn't quite make it out there today.
We met The Princess, The Queen and Ms. Fox at fridays where The Limo picked us up. The Princess didn't know about that part so that was the big surprise. We had champagne and acted all redneck on the way to another bar, a very nice place that he likes and we got another hour of limo time since the driver didn't have to be anywhere else so it was good. Lots of people showed up, lots of shots were consumed by The Princess and a few others, a good time was had by all. We had more champagne on the way to The Dive for the next round of the party where more shots were consumed, more fun was had and that is where I busted Lucy. The Other Woman got in the limo to ride over to friday's with Lucy and Ms. Fox to pick up cars. Ms. Fox showed up at The Dive in a timely manner. Lucy and The Other Woman showed up much, much later and Lucy had a suspicious substance on her face, she says it was sugar from her daquiri, I'm not so sure. Just sayin, especially since there was 500 miles of limo seating and The Other Woman sat on the back seat next to Lucy when they left. But that's another post.
Annie and The Other Woman managed to suck the helium out of all the balloons The Princess got, I was really tired of hearing munchkin talk by the time we left, and hearing The Other Woman say she sucked better than Annie.
All in all, it was a good night, The Princess made it to his hotel room, we got home, where we stayed up all night, but that's beside the point.